Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Start Smoking

Try smoking as a cure for alternative 'facts', general malaise or sensory problems related to smell or taste.
  [vote for,

As far as I can figure out, smoking is an incredible drug delivery system that alleviates the user from many forms of everyday irritants.

First of all, the stimulants offered by nicotine can help you enter a matrix-like loading program to slow punch anything coming out of the Trump administration.

A bit more relaxed ? Ok good, let's proceed to step two. You know how the world stinks, and I mean literally stinks ? It's just sushi and sweat and stinks like everything is rotting, slowly with the implied presence of maggots and has a general IQ less than 50 ?

Is this how people perceive the world without a huge intake of nicotine ?

I'm not sure I care for it.

bigsleep, Feb 20 2017

"Back to the Future" Predicted 9/11 https://youtu.be/P1ULjJ3EqyY
...15 years before it happened. Haha, alternative facts are sure wacky! [sninctown, Feb 23 2017]

Rammstein - Benzin https://www.youtube...watch?v=z0wK6s-6cbo
Awesome [bigsleep, Mar 10 2017]


       Well, this all seems to make perfect sense.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 20 2017

       There are numerous vegetable alkaloids that will have a profound effect on your world view, depending on the compound and the dosage - ranging from "Oh maaaannn, that's soooo cooool" to "Oh shit, that was my life, was it ? All of it ? Bugger ..."   

       Nicotine and caffeine are just two amongst many ...
8th of 7, Feb 20 2017

       I understood the part that said "Feb 20 2017", but that's about it.
doctorremulac3, Feb 20 2017

       Hey, don't run yourself down, [doc] - that puts you up there in the top five percent ...
8th of 7, Feb 21 2017

       //nicotine can help you enter a matrix-like loading program to slow punch anything coming out ...   

       Err..nope. The only upside is that you tend to get workplace news earlier than non-smokers, cos you're hanging out with other smoking employees freezing your bums off outside and you have nothing else in common to talk about.
not_morrison_rm, Feb 21 2017

       Start Dealing (with it) would probably be more apropos
theircompetitor, Feb 21 2017

       If this post is a recommendation to start smoking, then I wholeheartedly endorse it. However, it may be a post condemning smoking, in which case I do not.   

       The third paragraph sounds to me like the perceptual sensory manifestations of a deep depression, in which case my sympathies either way.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2017

       // the perceptual sensory manifestations of a deep depression //   

       ... or being a resident of Basingstoke. The symptoms are indistinguishable.
8th of 7, Feb 21 2017

       Smoking kills. Smoking makes you ugly and burns holes in your clothing. Sellers of tobacco are evil drug dealers.   

       This just the automatic nay saying of an advertisement. It is not an idea.
popbottle, Feb 21 2017

       // Smoking makes you ugly and burns holes in your clothing. //   

       Maybe you should quit, then ?   

       All sorts of things are bad for you. Allegedly, there's this thing called "freedom of choice" ...
8th of 7, Feb 21 2017

       I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking, [8th].   

       //burns holes in your clothing// these days, if you can afford cigarettes you can afford to replace clothes.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2017

       //If this post is a recommendation to start smoking, then I wholeheartedly endorse it.//   

       It is. It could be a solution to problems non-smokers have.   

       //the perceptual sensory manifestations//   

       People always tell you that you can't smell or taste anything because you smoke. Well its true, a couple of days after quitting, taste-buds start tasting new things and smell becomes heightened - its totally disgusting. I remember why fish used to make me feel queasy now.   

       //There are numerous vegetable alkaloids//   

       Makes mental note for when I'm done with the flu.
bigsleep, Feb 21 2017

       //People always tell you that you can't smell or taste anything because you smoke.//   

       Actually, I disagree. I smoke, and I also have a sharper sense of taste and smell than any of my non-smoking relations. There also used to be (and possibly still are) a few professional wine tasters who smoke. And, when I once quit smoking for a year and a half*, my senses of taste and smell didn't change. But your mileage may vary.   

       (*Quitting was a mental aberration. And the further mental aberration that it caused prevented me from coming to my senses for 18 months.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2017

       What's your opinion on vaping as a (slightly) healthier alternative to smoking?
xaviergisz, Feb 21 2017

       Vaping is almost certainly much safer than smoking. There isn't the length of experience, but the smart money would be on its being pretty safe, based on what we know of the chemicals used. Of course vaping delivers nicotine, but it's very difficult to find any evidence for nicotine - in the amounts taken by smoking or vaping - being significantly harmful. In fact, on balance, nicotine seems to be beneficial to memory, cognition and motor function, at least in the elderly.   

       My local GP Centre sells vapes, incidentally. (Of course, 50 years ago doctors favoured Camel cigarettes, so I'm not sure what that proves.)   

       (The remainder of this annotation is left blank for outraged comments.)   



MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2017

       Doctors love Cancer because it pays so well.   

       First, they chop it out. Cha-ching   

       Second, they radiate your body. Cha-ching   

       Third they poison you and it with drugs. Cha-ching   

       Then you die and aren't around to bother them.   

       Bet those Camel doctors got paid. And if they took it in cigarettes, bet they died too. T-throat and all.   

       (I do I sound a little bitter ? Papa smoked the Camels that the Army put in the ration boxes. )
popbottle, Feb 21 2017

       Is that why we're so dependent on the Mid East? To ensure the continuous supply of camels to smoke?
RayfordSteele, Feb 21 2017

       //What's your opinion on vaping as a (slightly) healthier alternative to smoking?//   

       I'm going to start fuming. It's like vaping but cheaper and only requires low stimulation and a few social media accounts.
bigsleep, Feb 24 2017

       //There are numerous vegetable alkaloids that will have a profound effect on your world view//   

       Benzine is probably just a hydrocarbon, but the track seems to mention most of the alkaloids (and in a fashion reminiscent of Garlands) [link].
bigsleep, Mar 10 2017

       //I'm going to start fuming. //   

       Actually, given that pure nicotine is fairly cheap (goes away to check Sigma catalogue...hang on. OK - £171 will buy you 100ml of 99% GC pure nicotine; that's something like 10-50,000 cigarettes-worth of nicotine), it should be perfectly possible to create a thermostatically-controlled device that would maintain a very nicely high nicotine level in a room, at very low cost. Given that nicotine itself is relatively harmless, this would be an excellent way of promoting attentiveness and alertness at work.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       //OK - £171 will buy you 100ml of 99% GC pure nicotine//   

       It's tempting but nicotine is just so addictive I don't think anyone should get on the stuff. Honestly, who do you have to stab around here to get a cigarette ? I've already eaten three fingers.
bigsleep, Mar 10 2017

       Yes, there is that. On the other hand, oxygen and food are also pretty hard to get off. Given a safe way to take nicotine, and given that it is dirt cheap, addiction per se isn't really a problem. In fact, it's generally agreed that nicotine is at worst benign, and at best quite beneficial.   

       It is strange, really, that people go to all kinds of lengths to find miracle compounds for all sorts of purposes; but as soon as you find one, everyone gets twitchy about it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       // everyone gets twitchy about it //   

       Ah yes, that'll be the organophosphates .... or maybe fluorophosphonyl alcohol derivatives...
8th of 7, Mar 10 2017

       //nicotine is at worst benign, and at best quite beneficial//   

       True enough. For kids its might be more beneficial than Oxycontin.   

       Does the affordable addiction act cover medicine like that ?
bigsleep, Mar 10 2017

       //affordable addiction act// Say what??
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       ////affordable addiction act// Say what??//   

       The US is not big on preventatives so basically the affordable *care* act is about doling out huge quantities of drugs, although I saw one random program which implies the *care* act mandates some percentage of preventative care.
bigsleep, Mar 10 2017

       // The US is not big on preventatives //   

       They seem to have done an excellent job of preventing other nations liking them over the last couple of months ...
8th of 7, Mar 10 2017

       I like America a lot more since Trump. It's like Mr. Bean - you can't really not enjoy watching.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       I do like the way he puts on different outfits and learns new things when he leaves the fitting room. He can meet lions or gladiators and things.
bigsleep, Mar 10 2017

       Wasn't that Trumpton?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 10 2017

       //The US is not big on preventatives// dispute it in so far at least as dental care (hmm)   

       Like bankruptcy is such a bad thing. Ask our President.
theircompetitor, Mar 10 2017

       I was a bit annoyed that I didn't consciously stop smoking; I half made the decision when I had the flu, so to make up for that, last night I lit a cigarette. Quite amazing the high you get from just 1 cm of a regular cigarette. Just 4 weeks ago I was on 1-3 packs a day. Its actually incredible value for money at about 20p for a major high.
bigsleep, Mar 14 2017

       Nitrous oxide is substantially cheaper, and has the advantage of being dual-mode; inhale it for that instant light-headed floaty feeling, or inject it into your vehicle's intake manifold for that instant warm, damp, brown-trousered scary feeling.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2017

       //20p for a major high.// Where on earth do you find cigarettes at £4 a pack??
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2017

       //Where on earth do you find cigarettes at £4 a pack??//   

       Ah, but you only need half a cig. I think the exercise can be repeated every 2 days without the need to up the dose.   

       Can't be certain but the small hit might have stopped my bleeding gums for a bit. Another side-effect of circulation coming back.
bigsleep, Mar 14 2017


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