The Happy Reaper

I have had a few friends and relations die. When they die, they turn from a human being to cooling meat that will shortly be a health hazard. I want someone professional to take the body away and do the professional thing.

'The Happy Reaper' company takes the corpse. They guide you through the right steps for getting the death properly certified. This will probably mean a treasure hunt for the driving licence, passport, and other necessary certificates, which is not easy if the Dear Departed is in the room with you. If all goes well, this should be it. No, you don't want to see the body tastefully laid out in their 'Chapel of Rest'. No, you don't think bronze handles on the casket is 'more respectful'. No, what do we want flowers for? Treating the dead body as some sort of holy object feels weird.

Personally - and I believe I am far from alone in this - the company can deal with a body as they see fit. They won't cut it up with chainsaws and feed it to pigs while the relatives are looking. We may be stoics, but we are not that stoic. They keep it around for a bit just in case someone calls for an inquest, or the like, and then it will go away somewhere. I am sure Halfbakers can some up with lots of fun solutions, but that's not part of this proposal.