Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Urinary Olympiad

not just any pissing contest…
  [vote for,

As an Olympic sport, contestants line up a set distance from specially constructed floor to ceiling urinals. At the sound of the starting gun, they aim to hit as high up as they can, horizontally centered, and maintain their stream for as long as possible. Scores are calculated by height, accuracy, duration, and volume produced. The urinals should each have a catch basin for measuring purposes, with a removable drain plug.

Drug tests will be conducted to ensure nobody uses performance enhancing substances, such as beer or asparagus.

There's no need to exclude women from this sport. Any woman can pee standing up - and aim - if they were brought up without social inhibitions or learn to overcome them. But there might be some contention about whether a trans should compete in the gender category they had at birth or one they assumed later in life, because some prejudices die hard.


(because everyone should piss on the French).

a1, Jul 29 2021

Nude Olympics - Athens 2004 Nude_20Olympics_20-_20Athens_202004
[hippo, Aug 11 2021]

Dave Allen on Adam and Eve… https://www.youtube...watch?v=BGASvVqzOa0
[a1, Aug 11 2021]


       Height will need to be measured from the point of exit rather than just highest possible or short people really do got no reason.   

       Ahh, to be young again.
AusCan531, Jul 30 2021

       //contention about whether a trans//
I would think the category would be entirely dependent on the "hardware", not the identity assumed. ie: not "Male" or "Female", but "External Aiming Device" or "No EAD".
neutrinos_shadow, Jul 30 2021

       That makes sense, but some people would still argue about it. Thus, a "meta-pissing-contest."
a1, Jul 30 2021

       Why do they call them " urinal cakes "
Faulstroh, Aug 02 2021

       Because they taste nothing like mints?
RayfordSteele, Aug 03 2021

       All A1's ideas are with buns, this is the only one with fishbone (not mine). I presume this is because of the imagery and perhaps the antagonistic tone.   

       So here's a proposal to get it actually baked. Simply view it from the back, with the contestants fully dressed in sportswear, and with blinds on the sides so they themselves are never exposed except to the judges and the VAR.   

       In this case, there would be a slight lead of the viewership rating for the women.
pashute, Aug 11 2021

       // this is the only one with fishbone //   

       Au contraire, “Dead Drop Delivery” has a couple.   

       // because of the imagery //   

       Thanks for the suggestion, but … While it might add a bit of decorum, concealing the approved equipment might enable cheaters to conceal UNapproved equipment.   

       “Is that a super-soaker in your pocket, or are you just glad to be in the Olympics?”
a1, Aug 11 2021

       Well, the original Olympics were done in the nude, so bring back that tradition? No sleeves to hide anything up.
neutrinos_shadow, Aug 11 2021

       // original Olympics were done in the nude //   

       And I’m sure there’s a suggestion on HB (and many other places in the outside world) to resume that custom. Aversion to nudity and bodily functions is fairly modern, and sometimes bizarre. To paraphrase Lenny Bruce - if you don’t like it, complain to the manufacturer.
a1, Aug 11 2021

       //Aversion to nudity and bodily functions is fairly modern//   

       Not really, no: see Desmond Morris "The Naked Ape".
pertinax, Aug 11 2021

       I read it when it first came out. I think he put too much emphasis on evolution over culture. Dave Allen (link) had a more believable explanation of body shame … that’s what happens when you eat apples.
a1, Aug 11 2021

       //when it first came out//   

       It was 1968; you must have been the only one of your contemporaries actually reading books (as opposed to pretending to have done so). I'm impressed.
pertinax, Aug 11 2021

       I'm probably older than you think. I'm even older than I think, sometimes.   

       (though on reflection, I likely didn't read it until around 1970 or so, maybe as late as 1974 ...)
a1, Aug 11 2021


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