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Vaginarine

Spread it all over your muffin.
  (+13, -10)
(+13, -10)
  [vote for,
against]

It's margarine, but it comes in a jar with a specially shaped, self-sealing, latex lid.

You push your knife/spoon/finger into the yielding surface of the lid, causing it to part gently, allowing you to scoop out some of the vaginarine inside, which you can then proceed to spread on your toast/crumpet/self as appropriate.

Withdrawal of your knife/spoon/finger from the Vaginarine pot causes it to self seal, keeping the contents fresh for another day.

zen_tom, Sep 13 2005

Fixed This Problem Masturbation_20Nightmare
Now you would just die with the butter container in your hand - not nearly as bad. [sleeka, Sep 13 2005]

[link]






       I blame the food:genital category for this one.
Worldgineer, Sep 13 2005
  

       It's not the category, blame [wagster] - he made me do it, by alluding to my unclean and ageing psyche. I think the special lids described could be used in many different storage scenarios.
zen_tom, Sep 13 2005
  

       Vagarine, surrrrrellly?   

       Bet it still takes ages to get the hairs off your teeth after a sarny, though.   

       [zen_tom] you can borrow my excuse, if you like?   

       "A big boy did it and ran away"
Dub, Sep 13 2005
  

       Vagarine, Vagamite, and Labia-Lids are all other possible names under which we may try marketing the product.   

       Thinking about it, the idea is more to do with the packaging, than the actual food itself, is there a category Packaging:Genital?
zen_tom, Sep 13 2005
  

       Hmmm. I wonder if I allude to [zen_tom]'s god-like genius, would he post a solution to the world energy problem?   

       Hey! [z_t]! You're like Einstein reborn with the vision of Asimov!   

       <waits patiently...>
wagster, Sep 13 2005
  

       <cogs grind...>
zen_tom, Sep 13 2005
  

       I agree with the first post. Fishbone from me.
Germanicus, Sep 13 2005
  

       //You push your knife/spoon/finger into the yielding surface of the lid,// this somehow made me press my knees together.
Susan, Sep 13 2005
  

       the design of this (if it were not pretty magical) would pretty much wipe all the fat from your knife or finger as you withdrew from the pot (also the silly smile from your face I would have thought) but I give you a butterless bun as compensation.
po, Sep 13 2005
  

       [Germ] //I agree with the first post. Fishbone from me.// Funny, I bunned it. Remove the sex sillyness and it's a fairly good idea. All food really needs is an oxygen barrier, not a rigid lid. Removing the step of removing a lid sounds good to me. I'm seeing this being opened like a change purse, squeezing from both sides to open.
Worldgineer, Sep 13 2005
  

       //the step of removing a lid sounds good to me// and this sounds like something that would make [zeno] press his knees together.
Susan, Sep 13 2005
  

       [Susan] I am compelled to report that I am rather enjoying the idea of people around the world are reading this and wincing slightly whilst pressing their knees together. - I'm not sure how I'm going to explain all this to my therapist.
And what I do want to know is how [po] knew I had a silly smile on my face.
But yes, it is actually a (half) serious idea for an alternative to the screw-top lid. Judge it as you will...Oh, you already have.
In answer to [po]'s point about wiping one's spoon/knife/finger clean is of course a new utensil designed specifically for use with the labial-lid.
Short of that, I would recommend working on some wrist motion that allowed for proper extraction of the contents.
zen_tom, Sep 13 2005
  

       "Darling, I'm having a trouble with the new vaginarine jar, I was just wondering if you could show me how..."
wagster, Sep 13 2005
  

       we women do not worry about pressing our knees together but rather at the order that we should relax and flop! you have no idea at the distress those words provoke...   

       zen, yes a wrist action might just do it!
po, Sep 13 2005
  

       [zen_tom] Would it have a farting-noise chip, too? I mean when the extraction utensil is withdrawn?
Dub, Sep 13 2005
  

       it's a shame this has been fishyed because the concept is quite, what's the word I want? virginal?
po, Sep 13 2005
  

       Interesting. You may get a great deal more sales than you expected if you shape the container...umm...properly. Could solve the problem listed above <see link>.
sleeka, Sep 13 2005
  

       [zen_tom], I took the trouble to read your profile before annotating and voting. You not seem trollish and I have joined your scheme.   

       I think this is a very bad idea, like the vaginal jam. But unlike the jam this has no funny undertone for me. -
zeno, Sep 13 2005
  

       Why do you consider it a bad idea?
Worldgineer, Sep 13 2005
  

       I knew a woman once who was writing a novel about a trailer park and the main character's name was "Vadge", pronounced like "Madge" or "badge".
JesusHChrist, Sep 13 2005
  

       [worldgineer], Jars have lids. Why would I want to go through the undubitally messy act of getting the product out through this thing? And even if I thought there was some merit to this idea, I do not like the mentioning of the vagina. If it is funny or constructive I can live with it but otherwise I say we leave the genitals be.
zeno, Sep 13 2005
  

       i want to make all sorts of love to this idea.
schmendrick, Sep 13 2005
  

       Well please control yourself.
pooduck, Sep 13 2005
  

       but i've already turned the stove on...
schmendrick, Sep 13 2005
  

       I'm sorry [zeno] and this most certainly is in no way meant as a trolling action - it's simply an alternative take on the boring old jam-jar lid that we're so used to. I could have described it in way that didn't involve genitalia, but must confess to reverting to base humour, which I accept is not to everyone's tastes.   

       There could be some serious uses for this, perhaps as a storage medium in underwater environments, or where airborne contaminants might be a problem.
zen_tom, Sep 13 2005
  

       The same amount would end up on the knife everytime. Turning knives into tablespoons, I say.   

       Scraping the bottom would be difficult. Make the V screw off.
daseva, Sep 14 2005
  

       I'm aged beyond bringing a steady hand to this. I don't fancy starved and exhausted.
reensure, Sep 14 2005
  
      
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