Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Word Substitution Processor Made Out Of Wood With Fancy Ironwork

A small desktop box that displays sentences when you press a button and turn a handle.
  [vote for,

Imagine a small wooden box, of fine craftsmanship, with a precisely engineered ironwork handle on the left side, and a window on the top, in which is displayed a sentence formed from separate words on little tabs, much like the output display of the cash registers that disappeared during the 1960s. Inside is a bewildering array of logic based on cogs, rubber bands and semantic gears that engage and disengage according to the rotational phase of a highly complex polyphase wankel shaft, synthesizing surface structure of sentences. There's also a blumlein pair of gyroscopes to cause a list.

Each box is designed to create meaningful sentences that substitute a particular topic into the sentence, by means of substitution - phonetic similarity, or punning. Each box can only generate puns for one topic. The first one in the range will generate sentences that substitute cheese names into the sentence to sound like other words. It's a cheese pun generator.

There will be an additional button on the deluxe model that additionally interjects a reference to ducks, for added humour.

The next model in the range, available early next year, will feature fish as the topic.

Ian Tindale, Aug 05 2009

Lull, Ars Magna http://lullianarts.net/
The Ars Magna of Raymond Lull: generate statements about metaphysical subjects using rotating dials and look-up tables, published 1305. [pocmloc, Aug 05 2009]

Benson http://www.guardian...carp-fishing-benson
Benson the carp, a former resident of Bluebell Lakes, was a female fish and should not have been called "he" in the article. [shudderprose, Aug 07 2009]


       heh heh he heh he //wankel shaft// he he heh he...
theleopard, Aug 05 2009

       With the addition of some inlaid copper and brass finials, this is bound to catch on as the next 'must have' executive desk adornment.   

       A deluxe version should be available with a small gas fired, vertical boiler, multi cylinder steam engine in place of the handle.   

       Are you aware of the 'Steampunk' movement? (+)
Twizz, Aug 05 2009

       Are the tapes with the words on continuous or end-to-end? How many words on each, and therefore how long are they?
pocmloc, Aug 05 2009

       I like it! + bun.   

       Pulls lever:   

       "For frogs do not an eight legged beast make."   

       ...Click... --PING! "...NOR THE DUCKS."
not_only_but_also, Aug 05 2009

       //Are the tapes with the words on//
What tapes ?
pjd, Aug 05 2009

       Ian - have you read Kapinski, Jopec, Spassberg et. al. "The Impact of Gyroscopic Rotational Inertia on Sematic Blumlein Recordings"? They infer that while orthogonal recordings capture merely base sematics, recordings processed gyroscopically lose base semantics whilst capturing higher powers. This might well allow for the addition of both sarcasm and double-entendre in the output phase if you connect the Blumlein gyroscopes to a splined power take off from the wankel shaft.
wagster, Aug 05 2009

       I suppose it would generate a steady stream of phrases that were almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Shakespeare.
phoenix, Aug 05 2009

       Perhaps if one were to arrange an infinite number of such machines, with a mechanism to record their outputs with a time & date stamp, one could thereafter claim copyright on anything written by anyone, anywhere.
Twizz, Aug 05 2009

       does it pay out money?
po, Aug 05 2009

       Sorry [pjd], not enough tea this morning. I was imagining scrolling tapes like on those old fashioned bank calendars, or on bus destination blinds even. I see now that cash register tabs are proposed. So my question still stands, how many tabs and how many words? Would the tabs be able to slide sideways so that words could appear in different places in a sentence?   

       Also: see [link] for Raymond Lull's great arse. Satirised in Gullivers Travels according to the great Wiki.
pocmloc, Aug 05 2009

       Reminds me of the torture machine described in Kafka's Penal Colony.
xenzag, Aug 05 2009

       Could it come up with better story-spam than what I currently receive in my inbox?
RayfordSteele, Aug 05 2009

       + very cute, but I would like mine without the duck option! thank you.
xandram, Aug 05 2009

       There would be an option to not have that option.
Ian Tindale, Aug 05 2009

       treble ducks pays out.
po, Aug 06 2009

       So a bit Wensleydale like a Difference Engine but for words Mallard?
DrBob, Aug 06 2009

       Didn't the U.K. lose a much loved duck recently? I thought I heard that on NPR. (If so, I want to convey my heart felt sympathy to this idea).   

       As for the idea, I echo [theleopard], I laughed out loud in public.
blissmiss, Aug 06 2009

       //Didn't the U.K. lose a much loved duck recently? //

There's not much you can say to a comment like that really.
DrBob, Aug 07 2009

       But the duck of an echo doesn't quack.
Or something.
pjd, Aug 07 2009

       But they do float.
RayfordSteele, Aug 07 2009

       like a good gravy....
WcW, Aug 07 2009

       //Didn't the U.K. lose a much loved duck recently? //   

       No, it was a carp. [link]
shudderprose, Aug 07 2009


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