Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Worse Laptop Power Jack

  (+8, -1)
(+8, -1)
  [vote for,

A pair of crocodile clips (not colour coded or marked, but each attached to separate springy curly wires - one red, one black) clip onto a pair of unmarked metal terminals that have no grippage, are perfectly round, have no retaining grommeting at the end, and essentially require keeping the laptop perfectly still or they’ll sproing off.
Ian Tindale, Feb 14 2010


       No, i think there should be no clips, just bare wires splaying out which have to be knotted or twisted together on both sides, and the positive and negative bits should be really close to each other on a turntable which spins round so you don't know which bit is which.
nineteenthly, Feb 14 2010

       Worse Laptop Power Jack
Better kinky nipple torture device?
Jinbish, Feb 14 2010

       I'm pretty sure Microsoft are working on implementing this in software.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2010

       Don't know what your nipples are like [jinbish], but i had mine replaced by jack plugs quite some time ago for just this purpose
nineteenthly, Feb 14 2010

       "(not colour coded ... one red, one black)"
phoenix, Feb 14 2010

       // "(not colour coded ... one red, one black)" ? // You never know which one?
tatterdemalion, Feb 14 2010

       //power swaps periodically, say fifty times a second//   

       And when attached to one's nips, that'll definitely hurtz.
Jinbish, Feb 14 2010

       It should have one of those things to change the polarity, voltage and so on, but unmarked and combined into a single dial.
nineteenthly, Feb 14 2010

       I think the laptop power connector should be replaced with a SCART plug and socket.
hippo, Feb 14 2010

       I dunno, i'm really quite attached to the idea of annoying flailing wires.
nineteenthly, Feb 14 2010

       //SCART plug and socket//   

       That has to have been the worst piece of industrial design I've ever had the misfortune to come across. From the ridiculous size of it, through the casings that fall apart if you use them more than once in their miserable lifespan, to the nasty aluminium blade-like connectors. All backed up by a vaguely specified protocol that supports a random mixture of 1-way / 2-way / CV / RGB / S-Video / 'intelligent' switching, depending on the products you use.   

       Designed by the French, I should point out.
wagster, Feb 14 2010

       Yes, it has to be said that SCARTs are pretty nasty. Weren't they originally invented to be incompatible with non-French equipment?
nineteenthly, Feb 14 2010

       Ahh... will go great with my dropkick_the_laptop routine.+
daseva, Feb 14 2010

       Excellent... and a dipstick to match.
xenzag, Feb 14 2010

       Love it.   

       The user could be instructed that provided nipple clips are necessary for safe grounding and faster Internet access.   

       I'm in awe of the great minds with whom I humbly toil here at Halfbakery.
Mustardface, Feb 14 2010

       Frustrating, but not actually dangerous - I see no mention of high voltage, sharp edges, high temperature or radioactivity, to name but four possibilities. Sadly, your innate decency and respect for human life puts you at a disadvantage once more, Mr. Tindale, muhaha... Uh, sorry, wrong scenario.
English Bob, Feb 15 2010

       It does say "worse" laptop power jack, not "worst" (or "most dangerous") laptop powerjack. The intention behind the idea may have been to create a laptop power jack that's only marginally worse than those that are currently available.   

       The "worst" possible laptop power jack must surely be one that causes some form of spacio-temporal rupture in time and space, bringing an end to existence as we know it via some painful and chaotic doomsday scenario (a scenario in which people's laptop connections may spontaneously undergo inconvenient sproingage of one sort or another)
zen_tom, Feb 15 2010

       //some form of spacio-temporal rupture in time and space// We are eager to find out what other forms of ruptures time and space may harbour.
pocmloc, Feb 15 2010

       Well, M-theory suggests that extra-dimensions may undergo 'flop transitions' in their space while the four extended dimensions remain intact. This may still be considered a spacio-temporal discontinuity, but its forever hidden in the tiny extra dimensions.   

       Or something like that wtf
daseva, Feb 15 2010

       [Zen_tom], that's not the worst _possible_ laptop power jack in the sense of being actually possible, it's merely logically possible, and if we're going into the realms of the logically possible, surely the worst logically possible laptop power jack would be one which, when plugged in, would flip the whole Universe into a realm of infinite suffering for all consciousness, retaining the past memories of a happier time only for purposes of contrast at how bad things had become. If it was that bad, a good connection would then be a bad one, because it would work. If it didn't work, the disaster would be avoided, thereby making it important to design it poorly.
nineteenthly, Feb 15 2010

       // would flip the whole Universe into a realm of infinite suffering for all consciousness, retaining the past memories of a happier time only for purposes of contrast at how bad things had become. // That's pretty much how my Universe is now.
tatterdemalion, Feb 15 2010

       //That's pretty much how my Universe is now.// - which implies that the worst possible laptop power jack has already been invented. As the worst laptop power jack will logically be worse than any other power jack, existing or imagined, this idea must be baked.
hippo, Feb 15 2010

       Jesus. I was just worried about charging up my batteries.
wagster, Feb 15 2010

       Well, you've come to the wrong place for that, except maybe figuratively.   

       [Tatterdemalion], sorry to hear that, but doesn't that sort of imply that you are God?
nineteenthly, Feb 15 2010

       I don’t think the worst possible one would be so absolute or definite or final like that. I think it’d just be reasonably irritating, forever. So you’d plug the power into the iBook G4 and it would fail to charge, and you’d change the battery with one of the others of the three and it would fail to charge that, too, and so on. In certain positions it would decide to charge, and at certain times it would decide to charge too. The previous iBook PSU would remind you of the extremes of the situation by being severed from the actual connector by fatigued wires covered in verdigris that eventually snapped. I mean, forget depolarising the universe, or the world — that sort of thing happens every day, or to be precise, at least every 780,000 years or so — the snapped iBook PSU is such a bad situation that it prompted the anticipatory replacement in the form of a mini 10v. What a terrible situation.
Ian Tindale, Feb 15 2010

       // doesn't that sort of imply that you are God? // Well, friends tell me I should have more faith in myself.
tatterdemalion, Feb 15 2010

       Hell is being bopped on the head by a balloon for all eternity.
nineteenthly, Feb 16 2010

       I thought hell had something to do with eternal philosophical discussion...
RayfordSteele, Feb 16 2010

       That would be the unitarian's heaven, [RayfordSteele]. Hell would be full of lots of slightly annoying things without relief, like rubbish laptop connectors, doors that don't quite shut, taps which drip, beds with slightly short duvets, cold damp underwear with scratchy stitches and so forth.
nineteenthly, Feb 16 2010

       Taps that require about one and a third turns to flow any water at all, which then drips backwards along the tap instead of downwards.
Ian Tindale, Feb 16 2010

       ...before spurting unexpectedly over your front
pocmloc, Feb 16 2010


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