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Business: Theme Store
2002: A Supermarket Odyssey   (+8, -3)  [vote for, against]
Featuring everybody's favorite talking computer, Hal.

Is it just me, or do those creepy supermarket checkout machines seem just a little too much like Hal, from 2001: A Space Odyssey?

tomato: [scans barcode]


tomato: [fumbles a bit]

Hal-cashier: (a little more demanding) PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAG!!

tomato: [puts item in bag as quickly as possible] Sorry, I...

Hal-cashier: Dave, the groceries are far too important for me to allow you to jeopardize them.

tomato: My (real) name's not Dave.

Hal-cashier: Dave, the groceries...

tomato: [runs]

And so I think that a grocery store that's got some cool futuristic decor and some creepy ol' cashier machines wouldn't be too big a stretch from reality, but would certainly be *different.*
-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

(?) What the HAL? Sayings of a machine. http://www.eofftv.c...tes/2001_quotes.htm
Source of much of the stuff read here. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Themed electronics stores
One person's cynical take on an American Western chain of theme stores, which use ironic "ancient" themes. Apparently, the company used to be a *grocery* chain. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Planetary Fitness
Futuristic fitness center, sort of what I'm getting at only it's meant to add calories, not help you burn them off. Also, more interior spaceship views. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Humyns do it better http://www.brightid...2666D8F}&bucket_id=
The opinion of yours truly, nothing more. [LoriZ, Jul 03 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Baked :P http://www.fashionw...ptimal_robotics.asp
These are already in place in the States, they have a sultry female voice [ferg, Aug 26 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Apropos http://groups.msn.c...4675492357483225801
[calum, Oct 08 2004]

(?) 2001: The breakfast cereal http://www.halfbake...0breakfast_20cereal
[hippo, Oct 08 2004]

-- thumbwax, Jul 02 2002

Interesting social comment, Dave. Nicely expressed. The lack of any invention, however must lead me to... Dave, please don't do that, Dave, no... Daisy... Daisy...
-- st3f, Jul 02 2002

[only kidding]
-- st3f, Jul 02 2002

I went to a supermarket the other day and I think the checkout sensed that I am temporarily close to insolvency, because the weighing scales went caput just as I arrived and put my stuff on the conveyor. So I got a big red cabbage, an aubergine, a courgette and three onions for 80 pence. It all helps..
-- sappho, Jul 02 2002

I'm Americanocentric. Please, somebody, explain what pence are. I assume they are not a very big amount of money.

And I'm no Dave, thank you. David, perhaps.
-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

you keep late nights, polartomato. (or very early mornings?) There are 100 pence to a pound. And today we can get about $1.53 for a pound. However, I'm told that prices are often similar - so you could probably read my little shopping list in cents and get a reasonable idea of my grocery lucky moment.
-- sappho, Jul 02 2002

ZZzzzzzz..... <snork> wha?

Thanks sappho. That was a good deal indeed.

I'm an early-morning old sap who always has a little too much free time in the summers, even though I often have to make that time myself.

"Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."

-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

In case you're *really* Americanocentric, courgette = zucchini.
-- angel, Jul 02 2002

"Open the chiller cabinet doors, Hal."

"I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that right now."
-- 8th of 7, Jul 02 2002

"My God, it's full of baked beans."
-- waugsqueke, Jul 02 2002

This Dave business, does it have anything to do with (sctld)'s Dave at all - I do not see the relevance.
-- cassandra, Jul 02 2002

Go see the movie.
-- waugsqueke, Jul 02 2002

Just to confuse [cassandra] even further, "They're all dead, Dave."
-- angel, Jul 02 2002

"They're calling him Rodney ... after Dave."
-- calum, Jul 02 2002

(anything cooked in Olestra passes scanner): "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.."
-- Mr Burns, Jul 02 2002

"I honestly think you ought to calm down; take an Immodium (Aisle 15) and think things over."

FYI, when I wrote this idea I had a novelty store in mind. I've seen a few themed superstores and computer stores (themed like an Egyptian civilization, no less, with the irony not lost on the patrons) before, but never a themed grocery/discount store (at least, a truly baked one...) and certainly not a futuristic one with intentionally threatening checkout entities.

BTW, what's all this business with [sctld]'s Dave?
-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

it was a phrase he was going through - don't remind him.
-- po, Jul 02 2002

Ahh, yes, po, we all go through phrases. But in time, we grow out of them. Why, I remember, back when I was your age...
-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

<g> I think it was the Boy Wonder who laughed at the prospect of my ever growing up.
-- po, Jul 02 2002

That was the fogeytomato speaking.
****beats old man into submission****
Much better now.
-- polartomato, Jul 02 2002

Let's see, what else do you need? Strauss playing over the music system. Stockboys performing slow-motion elaborately choreographed maneuvers with their flatloads of boxes, lining up to enter aisles. Meat cutters throwing bones in the air.
-- waugsqueke, Jul 03 2002

..and, of course, the store itself should slowly rotate.

calum, I'm now having severe difficulties trying to imagine Trigger with Hal's voice. Curse you!
-- DrBob, Jul 03 2002

[waugs]: In my local, the staff all perform in slow-motion anyway. 32 checkout operators with a combined IQ around room temperature. Celsius.
-- angel, Jul 03 2002

24rh later the phone ring's.....
-- postseti, Jul 06 2002

-- AfroAssault, Jul 06 2002

random, halfbakery