Culture: Book
Attack Bibles   (+13, -5)  [vote for, against]
Just when you thought it was safe to ignore the bibles...

These bibles lay motionless and dusty as bibles often do, and placed innocuously around society where bibles would be most suspected. However, when you least suspect it, these bibles will attack!

Opening drawers in motel rooms comes at great risk in a world where Attack Bibles lie in wait. Upon discovery an Attack Bible can be shoved aside like an ordinary bible, but doing so may actuate its attack mechanism.

Once the attack mechanism is actuated the covers open rapidly and push off against the surface on which it had lain. This propels the Attack Bible unguided and tumbling through the air, but with the hope and intention with which its spring was wound of striking someone clean in the face.
-- rcarty, Mar 11 2011

Freed me Seymore! http://secularnewsd.../02/bible-teeth.jpg
I was bind, but now icy. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Mar 13 2011]

This could be a funny youtube video. I picture someone with the lower lip pinched between pages, struggling to pull the bible off. Probably the Bible would reserve such attack for sinners - not quite the wrath of God but the little bit ticked off of god.

The cap the movie you need a twist: what does one do to defend against an attacking Bible? Maybe pray to fake it out? I can see the Bible backing off, but then surging forward and dragging the sinner back into the room by his ear when he tries to make a break for it.

Ideally one would subvert it, but that would be tricky with the Bible.
-- bungston, Mar 11 2011

You know you're going to hell now, don't cha?
-- blissmiss, Mar 12 2011

That's exactly what I'm talking about.
-- rcarty, Mar 12 2011

Would they be KJV or translated into Enochian?
-- nineteenthly, Mar 12 2011

Maybe better would be to have someone get attacked by some evil book and take sanctuary in a hotel, where the many bibles in the various rooms would defend him.
-- bungston, Mar 12 2011

From Gideon to Giddy-up. Excellent idea (+)
-- xenzag, Mar 13 2011

Makes bible-thumping much easier.
-- RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2011

And with that, I think we have the number one weirdest idea ever posted on the HB.
-- doctorremulac3, Jul 13 2021

You obviously haven't spent much time pressing the [random] button, [Dr. R].

This one at least is written in coherent prose, has semantic content, and describes a device or phenomena which is at least somewhat physically plausible.
-- pocmloc, Jul 13 2021

A good deal of the genius is in [bungston]'s comments, whereever he is doing his script-doctoring now.
-- 4and20, Jul 13 2021

random, halfbakery