Public: Brexit
Better solution to Brexit   (+1, -1)  [vote for, against]
'Skin in the game' version

My last proposal (Link) fell on deaf ears. Zero annotations, zero votes. So I imagine it must have been just a tad on the dull side.

Then here's another proposed solution to the impasse. Let's see how it goes down with you, the rational general public.

In the middle of the house of commons debating chamber is a very large open-topped tank of hot water. The MPs all have to gather round and put their hands in the tank. The temperature of the water is then ramped up very slowly by means of a heat exchanger.

The last MP with his or her hands in the water gets to choose the answer (Leave, remain, referendum with the question of their choice-- whatever). Then nobody is allowed to talk about it ever again. Or if they do, the tank gets wheeled back out.

What do you think?
-- bhumphrys, Jul 14 2019

Previous dull idea- multiple chhoice comprehension test Multi_20choice_20test
Good idea but this could be better [bhumphrys, Jul 14 2019]

Death by boiling
not for the faint hearted..... [xenzag, Jul 15 2019]

How hot is the water ?
-- 8th of 7, Jul 14 2019

That's a good question, but I have an inkling that //The temperature of the water is then ramped up very slowly//
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 14 2019

So the decision is made by the MP with the most advanced diabetic neuropathy?
-- bs0u0155, Jul 14 2019

... or the thickest, most insensitive skin. Hmmmmm. Lots of competition there, wethinks ...
-- 8th of 7, Jul 14 2019

No, I think Abu Hamza would win hands down.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 14 2019

He'd probably make a better fist if it than any of the existing lot.

We have spotted another flaw in the idea. If they remove their appendages from the tank, the pain diminishes or even stops. That is very, very unsatisfactory.
-- 8th of 7, Jul 14 2019

//We have spotted another flaw in the idea//

So bind them hand & foot, place them all in the tank up to their necks & proceed as otherwise outlined, the last to stop squealing wins, how's that?
-- Skewed, Jul 15 2019

Fine, as long as it's // up to their necks // and head first ...
-- 8th of 7, Jul 15 2019

How about removing, from the Leave side, all those members who have moved substantial assets offshore so as to avoid the consequences of their decision and, from the Remain side, all those members who always had their eye on a nice sinecure in Brussels after the end of their career in democratic politics?

{surveys empty benches}

That would simplify things.
-- pertinax, Jul 15 2019

Interesting start, but substitute "licensed TVs" for politicians and "the nearest harbor" for the water tank and "reaffirming a right to free speech" for all the voting stuff and you'll get my bun.
-- sninctown, Jul 15 2019

Is brexit soluble?
-- not_morrison_rm, Jul 15 2019

It doesn't seem like the best solution, to be honest. I don't think it would work either - you'd only need two competing MPs to decide to sacrifice their hands for the cause and you're still dead-locked.


Boris Johnson has said the chances of a no-deal Brexit are a “million-to-one against” (The Guardian, 27th June)

Now, we all know that Boris has a certain tendency to the disingenuous. But it seems like it would be great if he could be held to account for once. I would be more than happy to bet Boris, say, £100 that we end up with a no-deal brexit, at his proposed odds - predicated on him becoming prime minister.
-- Loris, Jul 15 2019

// Is brexit soluble? //

In a suitably aggressive solvent, yrs. We suggest trying hydrofluoric acid to begin with.
-- 8th of 7, Jul 15 2019

There is no solution - it's what happens when you allow a binary question to be loosely interpreted, allowing self-contradicting positions to occupy a vague coalition on one side of the answer.

That vague coalition, with their myriad conflicting interpretations of what any actual Brexit might look like is still undergoing strong reduction in the low-PH of facts and the reality of the situation.

Meanwhile, the safety-goggled true majority of 48% are looking on in alarm and not-inconsiderable horror, watching the loose Brexit coalition fizz and fragment into weaker and weaker sub-tribes until they'll just burn themselves out. Hopefully before burning through the pyrex of the NHS, a functioning diplomatic and civil service, the bank of England, and many of our long-held and internationally respected institutions. Like any exothermic reaction, once started, it's hard to stop and just needs to play itself out somewhere quiet (and well ventilated) where it wont cause too much damage.

The more venal front-runners (based on past-form) will of course happily switch sides once it seems expedient to do so. The final moments whilst still far in the future, should be fairly swift, I'd expect.

The alternative to this boiling idea is of course, trial by combat. I think we had one of those the last time back in 1642.
-- zen_tom, Jul 15 2019

It's certainly worth a try.
-- 8th of 7, Jul 15 2019

I was reading about that just the other day. There was a rather piquant passage about how both sides honestly believed they were defending constitutional norms against over-reach by their opponents.

Watch out for any liveried functionary carrying a Commission of Array.
-- pertinax, Jul 15 2019

Interestingly, it seems the geographic support was split similarly then, as today. From Lacey Baldwin Smith's "This realm of England, 1399 to 1688", p251

"All the cathedral cities save Oxford and Chester sided with Parliament; so did the industrial centers, the ports, and the economically advanced regions of the south and east. Conversely, the strongholds of royalty were the countryside, the shires, and the backward areas of the north and west."
-- zen_tom, Jul 15 2019

// Commission of Array //

We got your armed militia right here...

Is it time to start the extra-judicial summary executions yet ? We've got a little list, oh we've got a little list...
-- 8th of 7, Jul 15 2019

First on the list is people who post twice in a row

Second on the list is people who delete their duplicate post without a grovelling apology
-- pocmloc, Jul 15 2019

I think the answer to Brexit might be to just tiptoe out of the EU while nobody's looking. It would probably be weeks before anyone noticed - either in England or abroad - by which time we'd be miles away.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 15 2019

That sounds eminently sensible. Would you put the demolition charges on a timer, or initiate them on command when a safe distance is reached ?
-- 8th of 7, Jul 15 2019

//I think the answer to Brexit might be to just tiptoe out of the EU while nobody's looking.//

Or distract them and run while they're looking the other way. '"Look! It's Donald Trump! He's racisiming!".
-- doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2019

Alternatively just hold a lottery in parliament on the hour every hour with the winning MP taken out round the back of parliament & shot until they resolve the issue, that should sharpen their resolve.

If it doesn't eventually you end up with just one MP left, shouldn't be any problem coming to a decision then.

If they make the wrong decision (as determined by a referendum after they're finished) you take all surviving MPs out back too, then hold bi elections & start again.

Sound good?
-- Skewed, Jul 15 2019

//Sound good? //

Not bad, apart from the bit about "surviving MPs" which seems highly unsatisfactory ; after a promising start involving shooting them - albeit one at a time - you then imply giving up on the job part wsy through and letting some of them live. Unless they're being kept for vivisection or some other form of pointlessly cruel experimentation*, it makes more sense just to carry on until the infestation has been completely removed.

*We wish to make it clear that the Borg Collective is opposed to some forms of animal testing, though not all of them. Since experimenting on politicians is more akin to vegetable testing, we have no specific objections although given the choice of sacrificing either half a dozen local councillors or a small patch of stinging nettles, it's the nettles we would prefer to ser another sunrise.
-- 8th of 7, Jul 16 2019

//apart from the bit about "surviving MPs"//

I thought I had that covered?

//If they make the wrong decision (as determined by a referendum after they're finished)//

The whole thing would of course be televised as some sort of reality program, imagine it, the MPs at the end begging for people to vote yes to what they decided.. at this stage what do you think the public vote will be come that point?

[Raises a quizzical eyebrow & tries to steeple fingers & stroke cat at same time.. ends up tickling an ear with little finger on one hand]

I have of course already sent the program idea off to channel 5 by legally registered mail.
-- Skewed, Jul 16 2019

You should try Gold - it's more of a long-running tragi-comedy ...

What's it called ? "Only Fools and Brexiteers ? "

// stroke cat //

This is of course a white, fluffy cat with a diamond studded collar ?
-- 8th of 7, Jul 16 2019

Open to suggestions but I was thinking more along the lines of something like 'the Brexit day Massacre' or maybe 'Brexit or your life'

It is now, it made an awful fuss when I waxed the bits that weren't though, fortunately I'm up to date on my tetanus jabs.
-- Skewed, Jul 16 2019

Aha! I have a name I think may be a winner.

"Sort it or Die!"

The full name will be "Sort it (& 'probably' die) or Die!" (for trade description purposes) but we'll shorten it for the banner headline.

What do you think?
-- Skewed, Jul 16 2019

random, halfbakery