Food: Potato: Chip or Crisp
Bowl of Chips   (+13, -1)  [vote for, against]
'Fries' for the yanks

I was making chips last night for four mates and myself and I was annoyed at how long and tedious a task it was, washing peeling and chopping the spuds. But that's ok, feelings are good. I don't want some electronic gizmo to make that job 'painless'. I like to let my emotions out, which is where the 'Bowl of Chips' invention comes in.

At the end of the kitchen is a large stainless steel funnel, with a wire mesh inside. This sits on top of a deep fat frier and the entire contraption is firmly bolted to the worktop. The wire mesh has a convenient target on it.

Stand at the end of your culinary firing range and hurl those spuds at the damned thing. Chips chipped and strees relieved. Plus you can practise your googly in time for the Ashes to start.
-- etherman, Sep 12 2006

BBC: What is a Googly?
[jutta, Sep 13 2006]

A History of English
[zen_tom, Sep 13 2006]

a history of french fries http://www.csmonito...000/0502/p18s1.html
[xandram, Sep 16 2006]

Whilst chucking spuds about, you could practice your bowling and batting with peas and fish fingers.
-- skinflaps, Sep 12 2006

A wicket made entirely of macaroni might be feasable too.
-- zen_tom, Sep 12 2006

A batsman made out of Lard, just like Mike Gatting?
-- etherman, Sep 12 2006

This may surprise you, but chip shops already have chip-making machines. Pop spud in top, chips fall out the bottom. (My mother once worked in a chip shop, and I got to use the machine. It was on the wall, though, so it would be a test more of your basketball skills than cricket.)
-- DrCurry, Sep 12 2006

yes, but does your therapist have one? +
-- xandram, Sep 12 2006

Googly? The Ashes? Chips?

What language is this?
-- shapu, Sep 12 2006

It's English, a primitive form of American.
-- Galbinus_Caeli, Sep 12 2006

-- zeno, Sep 12 2006

--------------- O (((+)))

I think it should be set up like a bullseye. With differently shaped chips for each ring.

Oh yeah, if you travel in the States don't ask fish'n'chips or you get a small bag of potato chips, (crisps?) with your order.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 13 2006

oh please please please please make this.

-then can I use my spud gun on it? I think we may have a near- perfect stress releif invention. It goes bang. If you hit the target you are rewarded. It makes delicious chips. If only it caused pain and/or professional humiliation for one's boss it would be perfect. suggestions please.

-oh and wise cracks about "primitive forms of american" aren't appreciated. If your half-arsed dialect can't incorporate it's roots, well then bully to you.
-- Custardguts, Sep 13 2006

Stand your boss near the invention (but a bit closer and a bit to the side). You get one point for hitting the target directly with your spud gun, five points if you manage to hit the target by bouncing your potato off your boss's head.
-- imaginality, Sep 13 2006

[Custardguts] there are some studies that suggest that American as it's spoken today is infact an ossified form of English dating from the surge of British colonisation during the 1600s; suggesting that Shakespearian plays should actually sound more natural if spoken in an American accent. But, more importantly, what this means is that we have call to reverse [Galbinus_Caeli]'s remark back on himself, and his 'primitive' American vowels. Teehee.
-- zen_tom, Sep 13 2006

Yah! I started a grammar fight!

Seriously though: Actually it is not so much the flat midwestern dialect of American, but some of the mountain southern dialects. English in both the standard American (flat midwestern) and the standard British (BBC/Public School) have clipped vowels much shorter than Shakespeare intended. The version of English spoken in Northern Georgia, Western North Carolina, Eastern Tennesee and nearby regions retains both the extended vowels and also the slightly singsong delivery that tends to lead to inadvertant verse and sounds quite Shakespearian. People don't tend to notice it as much, because the vocabulary is modernized, even though the delivery is not.
-- Galbinus_Caeli, Sep 13 2006

Ok, tangent folks. Back to the spuds.
-- etherman, Sep 13 2006

Now it is entirely possible that either I am a noodle-armed weakling or spuds in etherman's jurisdiction are as soft as the English but on the basis that neither of these propositions are, in fact, true, I would suggest that for the potato to be successfully chipped by the force of its impact on the mesh, then either the force of the throw would have to be increased beyond that of a mere throw (jai alai pitching, perhaps?) or the mesh would have to be sharpened to an atomwide blade. Or both.

Or maybe the force of the impact could be increased by having the supersharpened mesh travelling at speed along near-frictionless rails, towards the chucker, with chippage being the essential condition to halt the forward movement before the mesh reaches the pale flesh of the chucker. Fear of death can apparently trigger feats of superhuman strength.
-- calum, Sep 13 2006

Fast bowlers generate bowling speeds of up to 90mph plus. Of course they have 20 yard run ups first, but then you were looking for an excuse to extend the kitchen any way weren,t you. If the grill itself wasn't up for the job a series of band saw type blades at 90 degree angles might be called for, but I'd rather rely on my brute strength. Plus there's no need for US Vs English crap on this idea. As a Paddy I am in a unique geographical position to step in between you lot.
-- etherman, Sep 13 2006

I'd like to thank jutta for the info. on googly. I was mystified.

*for the record, in New England, one may order *fish and chips* and the chips will be french fries, not potato chips.
-- xandram, Sep 13 2006

a googly is a slider that bounces?
The Ashes - that's real? - I thought Douglas Adams made that up.
-- Zimmy, Sep 13 2006

[Zimmy] the funnyest thing about Douglas Adams is that most of it is real!
-- zen_tom, Sep 13 2006

Oh darn, I was hoping for a basket made out of fry weavings.
-- RayfordSteele, Sep 13 2006

//chips will be french fries, not potato chips.//

French fries are NOT chips, they are potato, yes, but french fries are thin and served usually with just salt.

Chips are fatter, often softer and served traditionally with salt and vinegar, preferrably with fish or a pie and wrapped in newspaper. (Although they are not allwed to do this anymore.)
-- webfishrune, Sep 14 2006

OK then, around here, those fat french fries are called *steak fries*. All restaurants serve their own kind whether they are prepackaged or made fresh at the place. Tiny ones are called *shoestring*- like MacDonalds serve. I have had fish and chips where the fries have been any of the sizes, so then at least some of the times it has been a proper fish & chip meal. btw, salt and vinegar are at the table of most places that serve fries, whatever size they may be.
-- xandram, Sep 16 2006

yeah, but do you get a pickled onion with that!

-- po, Sep 16 2006

random, halfbakery