As we all know, buttocks vary, so I am suggesting a nationwide camera system for buttock-recognition.

The downside is software would have to be pretty smart, as crims might put stuff down their trousers to alter the buttock signature.

The upside is - by applying haptic(?) technology to all seats on public transport it would easier to track offenders, or at least mean they to stand up for the full journey.

As a double-check, buttock identity parades might be used in police stations so victims can try and identify the perpetrator.
-- not_morrison_rm, Feb 21 2019

I/O Silver Horse_20Alarm
[theircompetitor, Feb 21 2019]

Gotcha covered Lunar_20Biometrics
[FlyingToaster, Feb 22 2019]

How could you think that arse-recognition technology hadn't alrready been done somewhere in the Halfbakery archives? Intelligent_20Toilet_20Seat
[hippo, Feb 22 2019]

Yokohama poop museum https://ale-box.com/unkomuseum/
[not_morrison_rm, Feb 22 2019]

<Obi-Wan>

"These aren't the bums you're looking for ... "

</Obi-Wan>
-- 8th of 7, Feb 21 2019


Buttock recognition camera my arse.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2019


It's a specialised area of image analysis ...
-- 8th of 7, Feb 21 2019


It's certainly a cheeky little gadget.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Feb 22 2019


Wide-aperture lens ... ?
-- 8th of 7, Feb 22 2019


By the liiiiiiight,
Of the silvery mooooooooon...
<link>
-- FlyingToaster, Feb 22 2019


The latest Samsung phone uses ultrasound to recognise fingerprints. Put this technology in seats to recognise arses with the added bonus that some medical conditions might be diagnosed.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 22 2019


There'd be piles of benefits in that case ...
-- 8th of 7, Feb 22 2019


I would have called this idea: Arseography
-- xenzag, Feb 22 2019


Having done possibly the most desultory trawl through here I would say the first fundament idea was "alx, Jun 19 200-something". This was followed by a outbreak in 2005 Mar 22 (csea,normzone, theircompetitor), then FlyingToaster in Sep 30 2008.

^Consider "Buttock-recognition Cameras " a homage..standing on the buttocks of giants and all that.

NB I just found out the Yokohama Poop museum has been revamped. "Visitors during the first three days of the museum opening will receive a special gift (although we’re nervous about what that could be considering the theme)" . Link
-- not_morrison_rm, Feb 22 2019


Fishbone from me. This idea would completely undermine trust in my own Buttock Massage idea.
-- DrBob, Mar 06 2019



random, halfbakery