Sport: Hunting
Chased By A Leopard Commute   (+22, -1)  [vote for, against]
must... go... faster...

Since I live about a ten-minute drive from the office, I could walk instead. Or bike, skate, whatever. With the proper incentive.

So I signed up to be Chased By A Leopard. As soon as I leave the house, loudspeakers announce, “The cat has been released. Run for your lives!” I grab the fastest transportation I can immediately find (now I own a decent bike), and pedal my heart out. In my spare time, I’m devising even more efficient transport. This animal cannot be seen until that final, fatal leap. Let’s keep it that way.

The guys in my carpool signed up, too. He’s after the slow and weak, so all must stay with the herd. We’ve learned to carry our suits in watertight bags. We arrive exhausted, caked in mud and sweat. But it’s saving a fortune on gas.

After work, it’s that damn leopard again.
-- Amos Kito, May 04 2008

"speed up or I'll kill you" _22speed_20up_20or_...ll_20kill_20you!_22
[Amos Kito, May 04 2008]

For [8th], the exam notes that I wrote on my arm. http://www.netfunny...q4/answers.667.html
[Amos Kito, May 04 2008]

I'm with the good doctor on this one http://www.intrigui...s/life/vii-nude.jpg
[normzone, May 06 2008]

Not quite baked, but - http://www.10news.c...6168829/detail.html
(This is the park where I jog) [normzone, May 06 2008]

"Examination question one: Practical. The doors are locked. Beneath your chair are the components of a high-velocity rifle. In two minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be released into the room. Take whatever actions you consider appropriate."
-- 8th of 7, May 04 2008

It might be hard to get the leopard to stay on task. Cheaper variations could include Chased by the Tossed Salad Man on a Mini Bike, Chased by Ann Coulter, and the "Speed" package, which contains a speedometer linked to a small explosive inside of a hornet's nest backpack.
-- nomocrow, May 05 2008

You only have to be faster than someone else.
-- Ling, May 05 2008

I'd consider being chased by the Monty Python topless women squad, if only because I don't run so fast.
-- DrCurry, May 06 2008

And what exactly chases me to work?
-- theleopard, May 06 2008

//And what exactly chases me to work?//

Why, [8th of 7] with a pith helmet and the aforementioned high-velocity rifle! Tally ho!
-- Jinbish, May 06 2008

Monty Python or Benny Hill?
-- RayfordSteele, May 06 2008

I sure as hell don't want to be chased by Beny Hill.
-- nomocrow, May 06 2008

(8th), just how far disassembled is that rifle? I'm not really good at that kind of thing. (link)

Update: It turns out to be a case of mistaken identity. While mountain lions have been seen in the area before, this sighting was of bobcats, a whole different issue. No big deal.
-- normzone, May 06 2008

Its a teamwork exercise. If everyone does a different component, there's time to put the whole thing together, with enough time to spare to find out where the instructor hid the ammo. If everyone just tries to do their own rifle, somebody dies.
-- Voice, May 07 2008

//topless women squad//
[DrCurry], are they available for me to chase to the office? You know, for when the leopard has the day off.
-- Amos Kito, May 07 2008

Meanwhile, back in the idea... Isn't the real challenge here one of keeping the leopard on task?

Is this an obsessive-compulsive leopard, a leopard wearing highly-intelligent blinkers or a leopard carefully trained with rewards and punishments ... not to eat all the *other* people who are just coming off shift, going to work in a different place, going to the shops or otherwise not involved in this scheme?

I mean, you only need one lost jogger, and the sated leopard provides no further challenge to the jaded commuters that day, does he?
-- pertinax, May 09 2008

There isn't really a leopard, just lot of people shouting "There's a leopard behind you! He's going to get you!! Run!!! Don't look around or he'll sense your fear!!!!"
-- hippo, May 09 2008

Doesn't running away usually convey a sense of fear better than looking around?
-- pertinax, May 09 2008

How about a NSFW on that link, you insensitive clod?
-- Voice, May 09 2008

After review of all the links, I've come to the conclusion that I must be the insensitive clod [Voice] refers to.

And after some consideration, I guess I'll have to plead guilty to that charge.

It seems like a perfectly acceptable image to me - small, low resolution, a few bare breasts in the distance.

But I'm not offended by skin. And the file name clearly says "...nude.jpg..." in it. That seems like sufficient word to the wise.
-- normzone, May 09 2008

I'm guessing that [Voice] has been caught by an unsympathetic cow-orker, and is feeling understandably sore, but there's no need to be rude to [norm] on that account - as he says, it clearly says 'nude'. I hope your career recovers quickly, [Voice].
-- pertinax, May 10 2008

random, halfbakery