Please log in.
Before you can vote, you need to register. Please log in or create an account.
Sport: Fighting: Jousting
Circus Cannon Jousting   (+39, -1)  [vote for, against]
EXTREME Jousting!

Start first with two circus cannons set at each end of a suitable arena. The arena floor should be padded with "bouncy castle" type inflatable cushion, or a trampoline type mat.

Jousters suit up in a Nerf brand padded armor suit and sparring headgear, then they climb into the cannons.

Joust poles are about 5 feet long bamboo poles covered in a foam rubber wrap to prevent shattering and soften the blow slightly. The ends of the pole are also covered with a larger pad, so the joust poles resemble a one ended cotton swab, to prevent accidental impaling of the other jouster. These are handed down the cannon to the jousters once they are in position.

Cannons are raised to a 45 degree launch angle, and are staggered slightly so as not to fire one jouster directly into the other.

When the jousters pass each other in the air, they have to stab / swing at the other jouster and attempt to score points by hitting vital target areas marked on the Nerf armor. Style points are also awarded for acrobatic in-air maneuvers, clever dodging tactics, and of course, the landing.

Sounds like fun.... to watch..
-- Mr Burns, Aug 19 2002

There would inevitably be injuries, possibly even fatalities, but I have to say this is croissant worthy in my book, I just pictured (daydream) an exclusively halfbakery version of this.
<dream sequence>.... and Unabubba steps up to his cannon saluting the baying crowd, whilst blissmiss marches up to her cannon in her trademark pink suit and fluffy joust pole..... </dream sequence>
can we have a custard filled crash mat for when we land?
giggles for me and bread for thc!
-- The_Englishman_Abroad, Aug 19 2002


I'm up for it.

Perhaps the lances could have a large suction cup removably attached to the end? Sort of like a large lavatory plunger. Then you could try and stick it on to your opponents head as they sailed past.
-- Loris, Aug 19 2002

sounds pastry worthy.
Although the weapon construction may have to be slightly more complex than what you describe, as the pole will still probably force itself through the passing upon impact with something solid.
-- kaz, Aug 19 2002

[Loris] thats funny! or over the opponents mouth. very comic strip.
-- po, Aug 19 2002

No word from the ballistics department (8th of 7) on this one yet?
-- Mr Burns, Aug 19 2002

Sounds incredibly dangerous. I like. When does to box office open?
-- BigBrother, Aug 19 2002

The last time I was shot from a cannon, (well, in my dreams anyways), I went headfirst with my arms behind me. How am I supposed to hold the stick in loading?

I expect that the Russians will have this one figured out sometime soon.

I want to see Dr. Curry take on PeterSilly in a head-to-head competition...
-- RayfordSteele, Aug 19 2002

UnaBubba or My elf vs. Mephista = Croissant and one less FemiNazi
-- thumbwax, Aug 20 2002

What a beautiful idea. I'm just surprised that Gulherme hasn't showed up yet and said something about a new category for jumping castle ideas.

You'd have to make sure that the headgear was croissant shaped. Doubles jousting would also be fun (if you could fit two people into one cannon). I'd be game to take on XSarenkaX (not that I have anything against her).
-- madradish, Aug 20 2002

<catty> "What calibre, sir ?" ... small bore, we presume .... </catty>
-- 8th of 7, Aug 20 2002

I think jousting lances are supposed to shatter if they meet a person rather than remain in the classic impaling the enemy shape... alternatively they could be made entirely out of foam and just bend...
-- RobertKidney, Aug 20 2002

If us girls get this cozy for an event, ticket prices could get ridiculous, especially if custard is involved. (Cat fight!)

I like this. Madradish, let's go doubles against blissmiss and po, then the winning team takes on each other in a singles event.

Accidental impaling seems imminent, though. I'm all for the foamy jousters.
-- XSarenkaX, Aug 20 2002

my weapon of choice would have to be a chain fed Nerf gatling gun.
Watch the mini plungers fly......
-- kaz, Aug 20 2002

bliss, XsX - you're on.

I have to warn you though, I'm pretty handy with a paint dipped pillow.
-- madradish, Aug 20 2002

You'd never get the copywrite for (c) nerf...especially if everything worked properly...good luck
-- gniterobot, Aug 21 2002

Copyright, close enough. Any foam rubber could be used. The word "Nerf" is recognized as being soft and safe and is much easier to use as reference. If this idea actually DID see the light of day (don't hold your breath), I'd make my own foam rubber armor and make a killing in merchandising..
-- Mr Burns, Aug 21 2002

...the 'bakery croissant heads...

eat your heart out Green Bay.
-- madradish, Aug 21 2002

Paint-guns might make good weapons - easier to verify hits on the scoring zones than just trying to spot the contact mid-air.
-- trifling matter, Aug 21 2002

<kinky>po and blissmiss in a cannon together</kinky>
-- thumbwax, Aug 21 2002

-- XSarenkaX, Aug 21 2002

I love this. Nice one, thcgenius.
-- iuvare, Aug 21 2002

UnaBubba: // Are rubber bullets still used in Northern Ireland ? //

The 38mm plastic baton rounds (Pains-Wessex ARWEN and derivatives) are still standard issue in the Province, and get regular outings. Since the scaling down of the military presence they're mostly used by the PSNI (formerly RUC). Use of small calibre (7.62mm) nonlethals was discontiued a few years ago, but substantial stocks still exist. Baton rounds and tactical CS are also availabe for deployment in the mainland UK in emergency situations (requiring authoraisation by a senior commander) but have not yet been used officially; misuse and unauthorised experimentation with both these systems by our guardians of public safety has resulted in a couple of amusing incidents involving minor injuries etc. at several police stations. These incidents have recieved a remarkable lack of publicity ......

NB Strictly speaking, these munitions are "low lethality", not "no lethality" although that's how the manufacturers prefer to describe them. They are capable of causing severe injuries and death, and are very unpleasant.
-- 8th of 7, Aug 21 2002

Yeh, and that is under the specified conditions: over at least a certain range, and aim below the head and neck (and possibly also above the waist).

Why use projectile weapons anyway? The whole person is the projectile.
-- Loris, Aug 21 2002

Speed of person leaving cannon x speed of projectile weapon = carnage²
-- Mr Burns, Aug 21 2002

THC: Make foam rubber? thats just crazy talk...
-- gniterobot, Aug 22 2002

g-bot: Shooting people with sticks out of cannons towards each other? That, my man, is crazy talk...
-- Mr Burns, Aug 22 2002

Tag-Team cannons - Yeah, that's it.
-- thumbwax, Aug 22 2002

If I had access to adequate equipment I would give it a go [Mephista]
-- madradish, Aug 22 2002

...yep, but blissy and Sarenka *promised*
-- madradish, Aug 22 2002

Circus cannons really don't appear to shoot that fast, anyway. I guess I'd have to do something about that...
-- Mr Burns, Aug 22 2002

It would be funnier if the combatants wore opposing flavours of velcro.
-- hippo, Aug 22 2002

I demand a tea flask for mid flight joust drinkage.... and someone to aim at! perhaps UnaBubba would care for a turn around the tent!
-- The_Englishman_Abroad, Aug 22 2002

Definitely a croissant-worthy idea. The only decent circus I ever saw was called Archaos, which was a French outfit who performed in a Mad Max stylie. Riding bikes up the tent ropes, chain saw juggling etc, all to a heavy rock background. No animals. This would have been right up their street. Sadly they went bust in the early '90's.
-- DrBob, Aug 22 2002

Pain, Dismemberment, Injury...mmmm Croissants.
-- BinaryCookies, Aug 23 2002

Definitely top notch idea, thc!
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 23 2002

That's all right, I saved a little morphine. Besides, pushing this mouse is part of my rehabilitation.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 23 2002

// Circus cannons don't appear to shoot that fast //

Easily calculated by the landing zone of the projectile. Let's see, they might shoot 30-40 yards or so, so about the equivalent of a mid-range football pass. That's not terribly slow.

I have engineering issues with putting more than one person in a cannon at a time. Perhaps instead of using a cannon charge, there could be a spring platform inside the barrel on which to stand. As a matter of fact, they probably use that anyway...
-- RayfordSteele, Aug 24 2002

Sounds like another perfect task for one of those reality TV shows. This could actually be implemented if one of producers is reading this. To make this idea better, shot them at the same direction at the same time, prevent collision and player have more time at each other. Hope no one break their necks when they land the wrong way.
-- bing, Aug 24 2002

They could be shot out over a large pool. And then after they land, "torpedo men" could attack.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 24 2002

Top, top idea. My only contribution (apart from saying top idea and giving it my vote) would be a request that the padded poles (lances) be tipped with giant boxing gloves.
-- Jinbish, Aug 26 2002

Circle the cannons, pointing inward. Dress contestants in padding (if required). Fire. Instant mid-air mosh-pit.
-- Guy Fox, Aug 26 2002

So how long until Circus Cannon Scorched Earth?
-- RayfordSteele, Aug 26 2002

I like UnaMomma's idea!
-- XSarenkaX, Aug 26 2002

Give each participant a large butterfly net with which to attempt to catch the other in during the fly-by. If done properly and each catches the other, motion would cancel out and they'd plummet.

Unless one participant was a bit heavier than the other, pulling the plummet point a bit in that direction. Paint big targets on the floor mat for extra points.
-- waugsqueke, Aug 26 2002

Just make sure you ask them a few arbitrary questions before you launch them, and this show could rival "the chair"! everyone give it up for the chair.
-- Jeff Hero, Sep 11 2002

random, halfbakery