Food: Soda Pop
Confide in Cola   (+74, -8)  [vote for, against]
Message in a bottle for the modern world

Sometimes you just have to tell someone about it. Anyone. In fact the more anonymous the better.

The two traditional ways of dealing with this situation are:

1. If you are a catholic -- go to a confessional booth.

2. Write it down, put it in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Maybe someone will read it. Sometime. Somewhere.

I propose a service where people can pour their hearts out in an anonymous message (SMS? Web? Mail?). The message gets printed on plastic, folded up and put securely under the lid of a bottle of "Confessional Cola".

When you buy the cola you can gain a little insight into someone's world:

"My uncle wants me to run the bicycle shop over summer while he's in Japan. He doesn't know it was me who burnt down his other shop in the middle of the night last year."

"I gotta share this -- I'M IN LOVE!!!"

"I want to meet someone new. Go to the park at 3pm on August 9th and stand near the clock tower. I'll be the one in green."

"Heather thinks she can park where she likes. I slashed her tyres. I feel so bad about it"

The cola might out-sell the regular brands on this basis alone. Getting that small contact from another unknown human might open your eyes to the world. (Plus a hit of caffeine doesn't hurt, either.)

Messages are (obviously) moderated for offensive content/spam.
-- not_only_but_also, Nov 08 2004

[calum, Nov 08 2004]

Daily Confessions
[reap, Nov 09 2004]

Trapped in a sticker factory, send help
[calum, Nov 09 2004]

Email [becomes] Message in a Bottle
Message server with output routed to ocean. [changokun, Feb 18 2005]

[JesusHChrist, Dec 22 2007]

Nice. The confessional franchise could be enlarged to include fortune cookies too.
-- hippo, Nov 08 2004

Actually I like this except I don't think my confession would fit in the tiny space under the lid. How about a peel- off label confession.
-- dentworth, Nov 08 2004

This idea isn't a forum for your own, frightening confessions by any chance?

I must confess, I like this idea a lot +
-- spiritualized, Nov 08 2004

I like this very much, too. >link< provides the same sort of gratification, though of a grubbier stripe that I would hope to find in my Irn Bru.
-- calum, Nov 08 2004

Yes, this would be nice - what might add to it is some method of confessing back to the can allowing the people at the recycling depot to retrieve your confession and pass it on too the next generation of confession cola. Not sure how this could be done, but having a cycle of confession just seems, appealing.
-- zen_tom, Nov 08 2004

I wonder what the chances are of opening a bottle and reading a confession that you actually submitted!+
-- cromagnon, Nov 08 2004

Nice one!
-- krelnik, Nov 08 2004

Candy bars would be a better vehicle for this. Not only is there more room for a message, but it comes with built-in comfort food.
-- Worldgineer, Nov 08 2004

Sounds like blog-in-a-bottle.

Then there are the alcoholic beverage "drink with me in my misery" or "toast to my good fortune" versions.
-- half, Nov 08 2004

I was all enthusiastic, until I read [half]'s bit about blog-in-a-bottle... but what makes this much, much better than your basic blog is that it's gotta be short. The more bloggers can be persuaded to do this instead, the more words can be released into the wild to live happy fulfilling lives instead of being chained to a webpage relating the drama of someone's personal battle with their verruca.

Sorry, pet hate.

I'm not sure I want my personal feelings embedded into something so ephemeral. Can I sponsor a pillow instead please? +
-- moomintroll, Nov 08 2004

"I murdered my wife because she was dating a Jewish guy. I got away with it but my football career and acting career are both over and I couldn't afford Johnny Cochrane in the first place."
-- contracts, Nov 08 2004

"I pissed in your soda"
-- Worldgineer, Nov 08 2004

Daily Confessions allows you to anonymously confess, and then get a whole heap of people to tell you how bad you are.

I'd rather post it to CiC and let someone drink my sorrows with me [+]
-- reap, Nov 09 2004

"help help let me out, I'm stuck in a giant vat of coke at the coke factory"
-- neilp, Nov 09 2004

Thats so wrong.
The author is [not_only_but_also] not 2 fries.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 09 2004

not_only_but_also +++ marvelous idea
-- benfrost, Nov 09 2004

Okay, quick scenario:

Johnny Smith opens a can of Confessional Soda. The message inside reads: 'meet me at (place) at (time), I'll be the one with (color) hair and (color) glasses'.

Johnny Smith turns up dead a day after (time), x miles away from (place), with the confession still in his trousers pocket and (color) hairs on his sweater. I smell a lawsuit coming.
-- Pseudonym #3, Nov 09 2004

neilp, see link.
-- calum, Nov 09 2004

Hmm, not bad. Confide in cola, obay your thirst. +
-- sartep, Nov 09 2004

I like, kinda beats misfortune cookies.
-- skinflaps, Nov 09 2004

"Our marketing department makes up confessions which they think you will find funny"
-- stupop, Nov 09 2004

Sinful. +
-- Shz, Nov 09 2004

It would be creepy to get your own confession.
-- DesertFox, Feb 18 2005

It's brilliant !
-- NeoPiter, Feb 18 2005

Wow thats great
-- JesusHChrist, Aug 18 2005

"Coke is bad for me, but I still choose to spamvertize on it"
-- quantum_flux, Nov 27 2007

"I still can't come up with a post worthy of the halfbakery; I wonder if there is a quarterbakery?"

that would become yet another place for product placement, but I like this idea for no good reason
-- keithbrunkala, Nov 28 2007

One in every 24 pack should be "I will find you." Statistically someone out there will get one of these every time they open a can, and hence be commited to the ward.
-- RayfordSteele, Nov 28 2007

An excellent chance for fate to have some fun...

Which is good because I can take a break form pushing people off bridges so they can meet a cute nurse...
-- xxobot, Nov 30 2007

It's like a commercial version of post-blog-secret (whatever the hell it's called). Would each confession be unique or would it appear in multiple cans?
-- simonj, Dec 20 2007

Genius, but I agree, it would have to be on a peal-off label.
-- MisterQED, Dec 20 2007

//a peal-off label//

Appeal Labels! That's what, I belive, Pepsi tried a while before. Nice, varying labels.

Maybe the confessions could be sorted into different boxes. Better yet, the confessions could be taste-coded. What would you like, a Bright Banana or a Sad Sorrel?
-- Shadow Phoenix, Dec 22 2007

I know this is now incredibly old, but I'd just like to say that it's an amazing idea, if the confessions were printed on the reverse of the label. Bun.
-- Angua, Nov 24 2009

Seems innocent enough, but it is fraught with terrible meaning if you look closely. 73 buns indicates to me that the review crew in 2004 was beset with such a degree of guilt and regret that it made this cockamamie idea so attractive. Bad consciences looking anywhere for absolution. Fageddaboudit. I want my cola in peace.

Though it would be weird to get your own confession.
-- minoradjustments, Aug 08 2023

random, halfbakery