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Science: Time: Travel
Cow full of guns   (+28, -3)  [vote for, against]
For fighting terminators

Dr. Silberman: Why didn't you bring any weapons, something more advanced? Don't you have, uh, ray guns? Show me a piece of future technology.

Kyle Reese: You go naked. Something about the field generated by a living organism. Nothing dead will go.

Dr. Silberman: Why?

Kyle Reese: I didn't build the f*cking thing!

Dr. Silberman: Okay, okay. But this cyborg, if it's metal...

Kyle Reese: Surrounded by living tissue!


Cow full of guns.
-- theleopard, Dec 22 2008

Cows with guns!
The ridiculous epic by Dana Lyons. [wagster, Dec 22 2008]

Bionic Bovine http://images.googl...e=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
[Bungston], something like this? Just don't hook it up to Skynet!! [theleopard, Dec 22 2008, last modified Dec 23 2008]

Whales, much more than meets the eye. [Noexit, Dec 22 2008]

Sarah Connor?
[jaksplat, Dec 23 2008]

Robullcop - for [2 fries] http://www.straight...f/2007/05/kuh11.jpg
Everything is on the internet. [theleopard, Dec 26 2008]

"Long live the new flesh!" [DrBob, Sep 11 2009]

Man eating cow
Not a sidekick - far too dangerous [RattyBunyip, Sep 14 2009]

-- miasere, Dec 22 2008

Makes sense. Cows have multiple stomachs: lots of storage space.
-- Jinbish, Dec 22 2008

- and as a bonus: Steak from the Future!
-- hippo, Dec 22 2008

It's remarkable that the story demanded that the T2000 should be made of some sort of liquid metal, as, coincidentaly, the CGI techniques for rendering a shiny, smooth surface were the state of the art in CGI when the film was made.
-- hippo, Dec 22 2008

//the CGI techniques//
For the part where the T2000 is frozen, shatterred and the reformed, they actually mocked-up a non-CGI system of a tilting table and globules mercury.
-- Jinbish, Dec 22 2008

//and as a bonus: Steak from the Future//
Pre-aged steak too!
-- coprocephalous, Dec 22 2008

Shouldn't this be an inflated blue whale full of guns?
-- nineteenthly, Dec 22 2008

Oh come on - that would be silly.
-- hippo, Dec 22 2008

To be fair to [19thly], I did consider the cavernous insides of a blue whale as a possible organic vessel. One might feasibly be able to transport an entire armoured vehicle in its gut! However, I know little of the post-apocalyptic world from whence the machines come and thought that the human residents of such a time would presumably be able to get hold of a cow more readily than the planet's largest ocean-dwelling beast.

Alternatively, for the animal rights activists among you, the chap going back in time could dismantle the weapon and swallow each piece whole, reassembling the entire construction after its passage through the intestines, like Michael Lotito – who famously ate an entire plane, although, disappointingly, he didn't reassemble it afterwards.
-- theleopard, Dec 22 2008

Oh, good point! What about a tank wrapped in seaweed then? Or smeared with bacterial slime?
-- nineteenthly, Dec 22 2008

Does a tree count as a living organism for the purposes of teleportation? - If so, it might be simpler to hollow out a tree (in a pot, obviously, so it can travel) and store the guns there. The advantage would be that trees are more gun-shaped than cows.
-- hippo, Dec 22 2008

More gun-shaped eh?

'Tis a good idea, though if indeed wood doesn't work then perhaps more gun-shaped animals should be considered. I'm thinking bazooka-in-a-python here.

Would make an all new line of business for the out-of-work taxidermists of the ravaged future.
-- theleopard, Dec 22 2008

Yo, leopard, check out my link for your whale transport system.
-- Noexit, Dec 22 2008

First, + for the great idea, but I'd love to be a fly on the wall as the screenwriter was selling this concept to a potential movie producer.

Producer: "So he travels through time with a cow full of guns to fight the Terminator?" Screenwriter: "Yes." Producer: "How does he get them out? We're talking about a PG-13 rating still aren't we?" Screenwriter: "Well, cows get slaughtered all the time." Producer: "But it's not entertaining. If your hero kills an innocent cow the audience is going to turn on him. If he reaches into the cows butt we can kiss that PG-13 rating goodbye. Not to mention the character's heroic image." Screenwriter: "Well, what about bullets in hamsters? Or better yet, rats. Nobody likes rats." Producer: "My assistant will show you out."
-- doctorremulac3, Dec 22 2008

What rating did that episode of Futurama with the vomiting whale get? Surely all that's needed is a whale which spews a stash of machine guns?
-- nineteenthly, Dec 22 2008

Why can't the cow be a sidekick? The human does the looking pretty and the impassioned shouting, but when there is shooting to be done, out comes the cow.

The guns would fire from within the cow out of normally present orifices.

Actually, thinking SF for a second, this premise could be sort of cool. An entity desgined for maximal weapons totage in minimal space. The entity would be very big but just humanoid enough to pass for human. It would require a special diet which would be hard to procure. The entity would be semi-sentient, but exactly how semi-sentient would be revealed late in the movie. As it turns out, my idea is converging on something like the big human-eating vision-questing critter in the book Android's Dream.
-- bungston, Dec 22 2008

//The guns would fire from within the cow// Cowbines (coughs)
-- xenzag, Dec 22 2008

Guns don't kill people...
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 23 2008

Terminators kill people. Also mad cows, they kill people too, right?
-- jaksplat, Dec 23 2008

Fixed the Bionic Bovine link. Something like what you imagined [bungston]?
-- theleopard, Dec 23 2008

// Also mad cows, they kill people too//
<Bovine Hulk voice>Don't make me mad. You wouldn't like me when I'm mad. </bhv>
-- coprocephalous, Dec 23 2008

But if guns don't kill people, doesn't that also mean that Terminators don't? Wouldn't it be the inventor of the Terminator that killed people? Or that bloke with the blocky processor thing whose name i forgot?
-- nineteenthly, Dec 23 2008

//doesn't that also mean that Terminators don't//Oh no, that blade arm thingy certainly went through that bloke's milk carton and then through his head.
-- coprocephalous, Dec 23 2008

//that bloke with the blocky processor thing whose name i forgot?//

Dr. Miles Dyson, the fictional inventor of the neural net processor that led to Skynet, not to be confused with James Dyson, inventor of the dual cyclone vacuum cleaner.
-- Jinbish, Dec 23 2008

Bionic bovine link is blank [theleopard]
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 23 2008

How's about now?
-- theleopard, Dec 23 2008

Yep, works.

hmmm Robullcop.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 23 2008

I'll pass on the spongiform. Thank you.
-- el dueno, Dec 27 2008

You're safe from potential spongification as long as when removing the weaponry from the cow's body you don't accidentally eat the cow's brain or spinal column. I know, I know, no easy feat, but with a little self-control the time-traveling warrior can avoid such a calamity.
-- theleopard, Dec 29 2008

I like the title.
-- unfettered, Sep 11 2009

-- theleopard, Sep 11 2009

-- theleopard, Sep 11 2009

-- zen_tom, Sep 11 2009

-- theleopard, Sep 11 2009

-- MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 11 2009

-- normzone, Sep 11 2009

full leather jacket.
-- FlyingToaster, Sep 11 2009

Death Weap Herd.
-- DrBob, Sep 12 2009

Cattling gun
-- theleopard, Sep 12 2009

dam, I used up my cow puns on cow dressage
-- dentworth, Sep 12 2009


There's just so much at steak.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 12 2009

Angus, Get Your Gun
ox-drawn cartridges
-- FlyingToaster, Sep 12 2009

...with bolt action to boot, but it's no defence against a milk-tank.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 12 2009

Ha! Excellent [UnaBubba].
-- theleopard, Sep 14 2009

[Bungstone -22 Dec 2008] Sidekick? Not all cows need guns and stuff to be dangerous [link - about half way down].
-- RattyBunyip, Sep 14 2009

random, halfbakery