Food: Beer: Packaging
Curved neck beer bottles   (+10)  [vote for, against]
For the imbiber who wishes to read at the same time.

I came up with this notion many decades ago when watching my father after work sitting in "his chair" drinking a bottle of beer and reading the newspaper. The problem was when he tipped up the bottle it interfered with his line of sight to the paper. I can remember him contorting his face and swinging the tailend of the bottle off to one side in order to continue to be able to see the newsprint. (Probably something about Sputnik or declining bison herds in those days).

My 10 year old elf decided that curved-neck beer bottles would be the solution. This design would entail little if any extra manufacturing cost and provide no impediment to non-reading drinkers while still being relatively non-embarrassing to use. And if anyone suggests using a straw to drink beer let me say that, even at a very tender age, I knew that would be "just plain wrong".

[EDIT] Other potential markets would be for those people who are avid sports fans (thanks rcarty), or enjoy "people-watching" at the beach or those who don't like to ever let their guard down while drinking in rough bars.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

Straw for beer http://www.kaboodle...le-funnel-beer-bong
With some type of ceiling-keg attachment? [DIYMatt, Aug 30 2011]

Pasteur experiments with curved bottles for fermentation http://en.wikipedia...big-Pasteur_dispute
More for the production side rather than the consumption side. May be of interest to homebrewers [AusCan531, Aug 30 2011]

Straw for beer, II http://www.clipartg...w_clipart_image.jpg
Don't say it. My head is already hung in shame. [swimswim, Aug 30 2011]

The less classy approach
[Eubalaena, Aug 31 2011]

Beer bottle challenge https://www.innocen...r/challenge/9932639
Earn some money for your curvy scheme, AusCan. [bungston, Sep 01 2011]

45 degree joint [rcarty, Sep 02 2011]

and This http://en.wikipedia...File:VB-stubbie.jpg
Stubbie [rcarty, Sep 02 2011]

What about a manly straw? [link] It seems like with a curved neck you would have to tip the beer farther into your field of vision.
-- DIYMatt, Aug 30 2011

//What about a manly straw?// [+] for effectiveness [-] for the "being relatively non-embarrassing to use" part.

I envisaged the bottle being tilted up and off to one side rather than further into the field of vision.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

I'm surprised this doesn't exist.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 30 2011

//I'm surprised this doesn't exist.//

Well [2 Fries] I didn't find it during my cursory search on the net. If it really doesn't already exist I hereby appoint you as my representative to amble on over to Okanagon Springs Brewery and sell them on the idea. I will take my half of the royalties in their Pale Ale. (Besides, I thought of this some 40+ years ago - a LOT has happened since then).
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

Or maybe just amble on down to the hardware store, buy a bunch of threaded collar elbow joints. Then pick up a bunch small clear plastic bags; the kind cheap plastic junk is over-packaged in. Then get a case of beer and call a few friends. Have them sit in some nice muskoka chairs and drink the beers with the elbow joints screwed to the top. Take pictures of them. Print these pictures on some quality paper with text similar to "Curved Neck Beer Bottles" "Don't miss any of the action!". Throw on a picture of a TV with the hockey game on. Put the elbow joints in the plastic bags and staple the printed paper over the opening. Calculate the cost per unit of however many units you have. Make the suggested retail price substantially higher than that, but less than $5.00. Take your product to bars, convenience stores that sell beer, convenience stores near beer stores and ask them to sell them offering them part of the profit. Use your share of the money to buy more beer.
-- rcarty, Aug 30 2011

(This design would entail little if any extra manufacturing cost)

I like the idea, but know little about making glass bottles. Are you certain that bottle manufacture is not assisted by straight and gently curved lines?
-- normzone, Aug 30 2011

I say the bottles could be made fairly easily. Glass bottles are generally blow-molded from a hanging glob of glass. An elbow would require another step to put in a bend, but I can think of two ways to do that.

Filling the little buggers would be a hassle, though. You'd need to rotate the bottles somehow, to align the neck in the right direction, then feed the liquid in from the side. That's instead of just dropping the liquid out of a nozzle directly above the base of the bottle--no rotation required. And the capper would be tricky, too. You could do it, but it would cost.

I like [rcarty]"s idea of making a screw-on elbow joints.
-- baconbrain, Aug 30 2011

//I like [rcarty]"s idea of making a screw-on elbow joints.//

The screw-on elbow idea raises issues such as not being able to lay your hands on one when you want one. Do you wash them between uses? Or, if you don't wash'em, arguments erupting amongst the guys such as "No, that was the one I was using" or "Ewww, that was Rcarty's with his spit still on it" etc., etc. It all gets a bit girly and unseemly.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

Nobody thinks of that stuff during an impulse buy. The impulse buy thought process usually involves excessive amazement at novelty, grandiose fantasy about how cool and popular the new product will make you, but rarely ever forethought regarding that hippie new age concept of "reuse".
-- rcarty, Aug 30 2011

You're getting pretty close [21 Quest] although perhaps not "plum colored and spiral wrapped". That whole 'non-embarrassing' thing again.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

// It all gets a bit girly and unseemly. //

As my daughter says, "Beer is flavored with flowers." How much more girly can it get than hops blossoms?

"Hops Blossoms". Now there's a name.

<Googles> OMG. Brewers just use the *female* hop flowers.
-- baconbrain, Aug 30 2011

Couldn't you, like the good son you doubtless were, just've poured the beer into the bowl of your father's calabash pipe, the bit of which would, if he was reading the paper in a correct manner, already be clamped in the corner of his mouth.
-- calum, Aug 30 2011

I wasn't that good.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

I think angled can might be more robust. You could start with one of those hexagonal sapporo cans, add an angled pyramidal top with an offset hole, and Bob's your uncle. So give him a beer already!
-- bungston, Aug 30 2011

More robust? The old man was quietly reading the paper or watching tv - not cracking heads or turning somersaults. What kind of family life did you have bungston? Geez.
-- AusCan531, Aug 30 2011

Can I borrow your elf? I need some ideas.
-- Voice, Aug 31 2011

//Can I borrow your elf?// That was a long time ago [Voice]. Moving more into 'wizened gnome' territory these days.
-- AusCan531, Aug 31 2011

Great link [bungston], there should be a halfbakery team. I'm willing to be the guy that does nothing, but thought of starting the team so is entitled to some of any proceeds.
-- rcarty, Sep 02 2011

Great link indeed. [bungston] and [rcarty] are on the team. I'm up for it. Any others wanting to contribute? [EDIT] "Half-Brewers" user name is submitted and registered. The next phase is coming up with a final attractive design, an intelligible written submission and hopefully one of you arty types can come up with an illustration (at least until I get my "Art Glasses" prototype built.) On the outside chance we do win I'd suggest a contribution of a least some of the takings towards the running costs of this website. SUBMISSION DEADLINE is 30 Sept 2011
-- AusCan531, Sep 02 2011

Sounds alright to me. +
-- blissmiss, Sep 02 2011

//member who doesn't actually *drink* beer// Hmmm, I'm a bit suspicious of those kinda people, but what the heck - you're on the team. Email me for password to check out "Challenge Details". My email address has just been added to my profile. Please put "Halfbakery" in the subject line so it gets through the spamfilter (is that an oxymoron or, at the very least, ironic?)
-- AusCan531, Sep 02 2011

Upon further consultation with my rapidly expanding crack team I have decided to wield my vast powers to set some guidelines. I have decided to limit membership of the Half-Brewers to 7 people. The first $1,500 (IF we win) will go to Jutta in appreciation of her running the site without banner ads, etcetera. The rest will be evenly divvied up amongst the team to defray any "beer research" expenses which may have accrued. So far, there is AusCan, bungston, rcarty and 21 Quest. Any artists?
-- AusCan531, Sep 02 2011

I can do 3D illustrations if you want me to, but I don't think this is a winning idea.
-- xaviergisz, Sep 02 2011

It is the carriers which need to be stackable. ie the cartons not the bottles. Individual bottles of any design aren't really stackable.
-- AusCan531, Sep 02 2011

//my rapidly expanding crack team// There's a phrase you don't hear too often.
-- FlyingToaster, Sep 02 2011

Ha! I needed to add a hyphen and a comma: rapidly-expanding, crack team. Oh well.
-- AusCan531, Sep 02 2011

Obviously there are lots of problems with it. 1) Bottles will not be acceptable for return refund 2) Not stackable in pallets 3) Untested design may not be suitable for turning forces of opening.

However, 1)The bottles can be stubbies with a separate (plastic, ugh) neck 2) If the tops of the curved bottles can poke through the bottoms of the above cartons, and those cartons can rest on the stronger vertical points of the curved necks they can be stacked 3)curved neck may be easier to twist open due to leverage.

I'm willing to half-ass a submission in the spirit of who cares. My vote is to develop the curved neck concept in a detachable form factor. The curved neck can have an additional utility as a noise making horn, can be screwed together to be lengthened into a wavy pipe or coil, or something else like a bottle opener.

Tasks: 1)Design curved neck with special attention to the seals and secondary utility 2) Design Carton.
-- rcarty, Sep 02 2011

-- AusCan531, Sep 03 2011

random, halfbakery