I have an inescapable desire to talk to animals in their own tongue. I find it pleasurable to purr with my cat and wouldn’t say neigh to exchanging some horse sense over a fence. When driving in the country, the sight of cattle or sheep causes a welling-up of moo’s and baa’s, but they’re often obstructed by the speed, noise and the window holding in temperate air.

I would like a row of small, red, rubber bulbs on the inside of the door. Each would have a label with white text on black background in etched plastic or enamel with names like “cow” or “dog” or “reindeer”. Squeezing a bulb would produce (probably electronically) the utterance of that particular beast.

Even my passengers would appreciate being able to talk to others during an outing. A slight pressure on a bulb would result in a reverent animal whisper to salute sighted road kill. Owners of Volvos and Saabs might be surprised to hear the “nöff” of a pig, the “vov vov” of a dog, the “krax” of a crow, the “kvack” of a frog and a rooster’s “kuckeliku”.
-- FarmerJohn, Mar 31 2004

Sounds of the World's Animals http://www.georgeto...ulty/ballc/animals/
[FarmerJohn, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

35 Sound Horn System for Automobiles http://www.jcwhitne...D=101&storeId=10101
This bit of add-on automotive kit comes complete with sheep, cow, cat, hen, dog, rooster, goose , duck and frog horn sounds built in. Sadly, it has no small red rubber bulbs on the standard unit. However, it will also imitate a machine gun, if that's any consolation. [jurist]

The Takara Bow-Lingual http://www.takara-u...com/bowlingual.html
Man's best friend is his dog translator. [jurist, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

The Takara Bow-Lingual http://www.takara-usa.com/bowlingual.html
Man's best friend is his dog translator. [DrBob, Oct 17 2004]

I said hello to a blackbird this morning - it was about 1 foot away from my face. gawd, I am seriously losing the plot here.
-- po, Mar 31 2004


[po], not at all. I do it all the time. They even talk back.
-- saker, Mar 31 2004


There were some cockatoos in a courtyard near the office in which I used to work; which someone had taught to say "good morning!" It confused me the first time, because I didn't know it was the birds.
-- Detly, Mar 31 2004


When talking to animals I find that the tone of voice is more important than the actual language used. A cheery "Good morning Mr Squirrel" always gets a better response than a sullen "Sod off you little tree-rat". So I'm voting against on the grounds that this would be merely generating noise rather than communication.
-- DrBob, Mar 31 2004


And a cheery "Sod off you little tree-rat" always gets a better response than a sullen "Good morning Mr Squirrel".
-- FarmerJohn, Mar 31 2004


Or a sinister "Good morning, missssssster Sssssssquirrel". With a furtive leer. Funnily enough, there was an item on TV last night about a dog translator that has been invented in Japan. Probably give results such as
The stars have faded to day
The sun warms the grass
Please let me out for a pee.

Or something.
-- squeak, Mar 31 2004


Nice one [squeak]!
-- gnomethang, Mar 31 2004


Quite, FarmerJohn. Quite.

Link added for squeak. Enjoy!

Once again it is seen that, whilst most of us merely knock around a few half-baked ideas, the Japanese embrace them wholeheartedly, mass produce them and then buy them. You've got to admire their pluck.
-- DrBob, Apr 01 2004


And the fact that only they have created and filled a market for "plushes" (pronounced with an 'oo').
-- Detly, Apr 02 2004


Ha! Of course, I meant instead of simple acoustical horns.
-- FarmerJohn, Apr 02 2004


I just want one that screams "WOLF WOLF WOLF" in deerspeak. My neighborhood is thick with deer, and I don't want to hit them!
-- DonBirnam, Apr 02 2004


We had a neighbor (at the beautiful village of Ein Hod) who owned a sheep named Rachel. (Rachel in ancient Hebrew is a mature female sheep). His name was Omer and he worked at home doing car repairs in his back yard . Every day his wife would come home and call him: Omerrr! Then one day she comes home and before she had a chance to say a word she hears O meh eh eh errr! O meh eh eh errr!! Only after a long search for the voice's origin did she find out it was Rachel.
-- pashute, Mar 11 2018


Er, are you quite sure this wasn't in wales ? Sheep that look and sound like the welsh are disturbingly commonplace, due to the significant proportion of shared cultural* heritage and indeed DNA ...

*There is actually such a thing as welsh culture, although if you spray it with a strong solution of hypochlorite bleach it will eventually wipe off.
-- 8th of 7, Mar 11 2018


// a friend of mine, (who is long dead) once bought a sheep for a pet //

It would be reassuring if you could confirm the total absence of any causal relationship between those two statements.
-- 8th of 7, Mar 12 2018



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