Science: Health: Memory
Easy Learning For The Terminally Lazy   (+1)  [vote for, against]
Surgical Memory Transplant

OK are we all seated comfortably?

Ahem, Jenkins! whatever your eating I hope you brought enough for everybody & Carruthers will you please stop interfering with Johnson, you know he doesn't like it.

Will you all please settle down, this is supposed to be a lecture.

[Irritated tapping of foot]

OK are we all ready?


We'll begin then..

First we crack the patients skull open, as you can see I did that earlier to save time.

Then splice in the portions of the brain associated with memory previously harvested from the donor..

Oh & before I forget, there's a service for Williams at seven, open casket.

[Picks up a tray & places it on the table]

Here's one I prepared earlier.

[Waves pointer stick & indicates various parts of the sample]

So, that's the hippocampus, neocortex, frontal cortex, temporal cortex, basal ganglia & cerebellum, so most of it, don't think we need the parietal & occipital lobes though.

"Here fido"

[Tosses a couple of obscure lumps of meat to a dog under the lectern]

First we slightly roughen the two surfaces we're going to be splicing together by lightly scraping them & smear a little pixie dust on them then we stitch them together with dissolvable collagen stitches, or you could just use clean boiled catgut.

We also need to splice in & divert some blood supply of course, as you can see we have a selection of pre-cleaned blood vessels with the cells stripped out in a selection of gauges for that on the other table, harvested from our swine herd this morning..

Yes jones that does mean the kitchens are doing pork tonight.

No I don't care that it doesn't agree with you.

Will you just shut up & let me got on with this before our volunteer bleeds out?


[Some time later]

Well, now that's done it's just a matter of putting the skull back together.

Obviously it doesn't fit anymore which is why we have some freshly cleaned & boiled sections of skull taken from the same pigs we got the arteries from & some similarly prepared bone dowels to pin them together with.

Could someone pass me the carpentry tools under Caruthers chair?


[Sawing & hammering noises]

OK we're just about done..

Now some of you may have been wondering why Wilkins has been wandering around with a balloon inserted under the skin on top of his head for the past month & why we kept blowing it up a bit more.

Well that was to stretch the skin so it would fit over his somewhat expanded skull.

See, almost a perfect fit..

We sew the edges together..

Trim the excess..

And there you have it gentlemen, the procedure is complete.

There'll be a course of stem cell injections & drug treatments over the next few months to encourage new neural connections between the old & new parts of his brain of course but otherwise we're done.
-- Skewed, Jul 08 2019

Why You Never Forget Anything
[Skewed, Jul 08 2019]

Pixie Dust
[Skewed, Jul 08 2019]

Psychedelic drugs promote neural plasticity
[Skewed, Jul 08 2019]

Psychedelic Drugs Repair Broken Neural Networks
[Skewed, Jul 08 2019]

Drugs to Grow Your Brain
[Skewed, Jul 08 2019]

Is it possible to use this process to remove the porcine components from certain individuals who have not only the mental capacity but also physical appearance of a retarded warthog ?
-- 8th of 7, Jul 08 2019

/Is it possible to use this process to remove the porcine components from// //individuals who have not only the mental capacity but also physical appearance//

So make them disappear entirely you mean?

That's a completely different & far simpler process requiring far less skill & much less specialised equipment, the bacon sandwiches are delicious though.
-- Skewed, Jul 08 2019

I wonder how the psyche deals with those discontinuous dreams your not suppose to have.
-- wjt, Jul 09 2019

I don't know about you, but I post them here.
-- pertinax, Jul 09 2019

random, halfbakery