Sport: Golf
Evil Golf   (+3)  [vote for, against]
Make sure you win, every time.

Membership of my Evil Golf club is expensive, and only for those who believe that their financial muscle should offer them guaranteed victory over those who can't afford to join.

Although it looks like a normal course, the Evil Golf course is a mechanical wonderland, designed to bemuse your opponent, and give you the unfairest of advantages.

Powerful air jets will blow your guests ball from his/her tee just before they swing. Cacophonous birdsong will strike up whenever they're concentrating on a putt, but fall silent when you approach the green. The (evil) pigeons will be trained to push golf balls into rabbit holes (although your ball will be anti-pigeon scented, of course).

God forbid that your ball goes out of sight, as a gopher will immediately scurry into the rough replacing it with a metal-cored replica. From then, it's only a matter of time before the magnetic trees are switched on.

Having played golf with an experienced player recently, I can assure you that this idea is certainly in the spirit of the game.
-- Fishrat, Feb 02 2004

Hastings. http://www.miniatur...venture/sfha017.jpg
[gnomethang, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Fishrat's golf club http://www.gotpaint...ullimages/club9.jpg
[Shz, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Anything that makes golf more intresting is worth a positive vote...
-- cFish, Feb 02 2004

A great idea, and it would be great to give those snobs who think their club is too posh for the rest of us a run for their money.
-- Deadlock'd, Feb 02 2004

Are you telling us something about your game, [Fishrat]? <raises eyebrow>
-- k_sra, Feb 02 2004

All golf is evil. Golf courses are created by anally retentive groundsmen with rubber clogs. Golf clubs are barely disguised weapons for frustrated business men to use to vent their anger. Golf clubs (the other ones) are boy scout groups for braying snobs with more money than personality. Professional golfers are self-important, sexually disfunctional (think about the symbolism,) tartan wearing bastards.All golf is evil.

-- squeak, Feb 02 2004

But on the plus side, the bar is usually well subsidised and the food (at my club at least) is very good.
BTW [squeak], clearly not all golf is inherently evil. Some golf is just plain Crazy.

See Link.
-- gnomethang, Feb 02 2004

What [squeak] said.
-- oneoffdave, Feb 02 2004

What [squeak] said. This idea is all of that, only more evil still.
-- Fishrat, Feb 02 2004

-- squeak, Feb 02 2004

[gnomethang] I don't know how you found the picture of my evil caddy trying to 'deal' with a young Tiger Woods when he visited Evil Golf Inc a few years ago, but if you don't remove the link, I'll be sending her round to 'negotiate' with you. She's grown more ferocious over the last decade.
-- Fishrat, Feb 02 2004

Are you kidding [Fishy]??. Since Leadbetter has been spending all his time with those self important, sexually disfunctional professionals this woman has been in my employ.
She sorted out my putting stance just like Tiger's in the link there.
-- gnomethang, Feb 02 2004

Really? I thought that was the magnetic tree interfering with your hip replacement. That's why I didn't say anything.
-- Fishrat, Feb 03 2004

great so now even those who are bad at golf stand a fighting chance against tiger woods
-- magic_ki, Feb 03 2004

In that instance [UB] I think that Fishie's automatic devices will just leave you to your own devices.
-- gnomethang, Feb 03 2004

[UB] Close the face and use less wrist. Oh - I see... simply wait for the evil mechanical crows (heat seeking) to swoop down an 'accidentally' deflect your ball (warm, where your oppo's is cold) towards your intended fairway.

No smoking around the evil crows.
-- Fishrat, Feb 03 2004

No, no, no - 'Bubba - you need to straighten your shoulders - line up, put another club's uh, shaft across the front of the shoulders, to display how you've likely been pointed the other way, to overcompensate. So, straighten those shoulders, toss the other club away *then* <sings>stick out your tush</sings> (important). When you swing, note how your hips are acting as the proper pivot point <sings>stick out your tush</sings>, as you admire your 350 metre drive.
-- thumbwax, Feb 04 2004

//<sings>stick out your tush</sings>//

[UnaBubba] has all the fun...
-- k_sra, Feb 04 2004

[UB] - you're definitely not signing up for the ball that counts in that scenario then!
-- PeterSilly, Feb 04 2004

I guess The Evil Golf course could have fun with Japanese Tourists, then.
-- Fishrat, Feb 05 2004

Will everybody please stop dissing golf?!?!? Without golf, when else would rich, white, fat guys have a chance to dress like pimps?
-- emajy, Jun 03 2004

Why are all the good golfing clubs owned by Thai guys or Weird Al Yankovic fans(they can be evil,)anyway?
-- croissantz, Aug 30 2004

random, halfbakery