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G.N.O.M.E.™ Defense   (+12, -1)  [vote for, against]
A disguised home defense network.

Garden gnomes are wonderful decorations that complement almost any landscape but why not have them do more? With our revolutionary new Garden Network Observation & Motion Evaluation System you can have cute, decorative and fully armed garden gnomes to beautify and protect your home. Our advanced software incorporates optical comparators to visually scan intruders, and determine threat levels. Response levels are then selected from a pre-programmed set and engaged to warn or obliterate the intruders, depending on your desire and the assessed threat.

Teenagers T.P.ing? When our system detects the silhouette of crouched teens with toilette tissue rolls and the sounds of exaggerated whispering with repressed giggles, the system will first sound a verbal warning to back off, if this is ignored, the system will turn on your sprinklers and, finally, if they persist, the system can engage the ultimate anti-teenager weapon… Ethel Merman’s version of “Copa-Cabana!”

Prowlers approaching? The system can be set to employ non-lethal doses of laughing gas or deadly anthrax spores at your discretion.

Order today and we’ll include our revolutionary Flame-throwing Flamingo™.
-- ato_de, Jun 30 2003

Reminds me of... http://www.halfbake...ng_20Ninja_20Gnomes
A Farmer classic [RayfordSteele, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Cats eyes http://www.winstanl...ges/thepottery.html
I've seen these up close. They are spooky. [Nickynackynoo, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Flying gnomes to the rescue http://edition.cnn....gnome.ap/index.html
"I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome."
-Jean Collow [ato_de, Apr 24 2005]

"Send in the Gnomes!!" http://www.rathergood.com/blode6/
You must persevere, as the Flying Gnomes save the day against the Evil Uber-Pea. Requires Shockwave I think! [gnomethang, Apr 24 2005]

(?) Invader Zim Toy Set http://store.slavel.../zimtzim2info.shtml
"The Human Disguise Invader Zim figure includes: INVADER ZIM House Power Cables of Doom, 2 Lawn Security Gnomes, IRKEN Scanning Device..." [discontinuuity, Nov 22 2005]

Invader Zim Sound Clip http://www.siberkat...uests/r29gnomez.wav
"Gnomes! Capture the squirrel." [discontinuuity, Nov 22 2005]

Excellent, very Wallace and Gromit. Can there be a Slim Whitman setting to deter martians?
-- egbert, Jun 30 2003

I always knew those smiling gnomes had something to hide. Presumably, that fishing rod... ISN'T A FISHING ROD!
-- Nickynackynoo, Jun 30 2003

Well, if the gnomes had cameras in them, then I wouldn't have to bother taking Polaroids of them with strippers before I return them the next morning.

-- rapid transit, Jun 30 2003

We took an orange gun to some gnomes living in my friends street, very satisfying.
-- Gulherme, Jul 01 2003

Or maybe make them with motion sensors in their eyes so that there heads move to follow any activity in the garden. Very creepy. Think the voodoo scarecrows from "Live and Let Die".
-- squeak, Jul 01 2003

A clear example of elf defence.
-- goff, Jul 01 2003

Fantastic. Thanks for the link [RayfordSteele]. Can they play Barry Manilow? Too scary...
-- saker, Jul 01 2003

<Dubious Link>
Oh...I thought this was the new linux firewall....
</Dubious Link>
-- silverstormer, Jul 01 2003

--Or maybe make them with motion sensors in their eyes so that there heads move to follow any activity in the garden--

You can buy garden ornament cats with special eyes that *do* seem to follow you around. Can't remember what they're called and can't find a link. Dang. They exist though.

[later] found a link. Wonder if you could commission a whole bunch of gnomes.
-- Nickynackynoo, Jul 01 2003

+ Now taking Commissions----->
-- gnomethang, Jul 02 2003

Someone's been watching Invader Zim methinks
-- BunsenHoneydew, Oct 25 2003

Shades of T.H.R.U.S.H. and U.N.C.L.E.
-- normzone, Mar 28 2007

random, halfbakery