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Science: Health: Condom
Garter condoms   (+14, -1)  [vote for, against]
Insurance for your insurance

Out on the boat yesterday, donning a wetsuit was compared to putting on a condom. Condom mishaps were discussed, and the following idea was - uh, berthed.

A garter condom is simply a standard condom with two large loops attached, one at either side of the base. Each loop is large enough to fit across the hip and back between the legs again.

Donning a garter condom is much like putting a pair of men's bikini briefs, with the exception, of course, that an erection has to be fitted into the condom.

The loops may be stretched and let snap back against the wearer if your partner is so inclined.
-- normzone, Jul 15 2007

sort of like this but all one piece? http://en.wikipedia...h_pink_dildo_01.jpg
[jhomrighaus, Jul 17 2007]

(??) Garter condom
Oh wait...that's a moray. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 15 2007]

Kind of a shame that you never get invited, then, huh?
-- DrCurry, Jul 16 2007

You'd be somewhat out of place wearing one on one of our boat parties :-)

Pissy wetsuits, fish blood , soggy tired spearos, the 22 foot boat pitching and tossing like a three hour tour.
-- normzone, Jul 16 2007

If this were a special belt and condom combo this would be a home run.
-- jhomrighaus, Jul 16 2007

That one's all your's, [jhomrighaus]. But if I'd thought of it yesterday, it would have been a weight belt.
-- normzone, Jul 16 2007

Damn, another thing I'm going to wish I had patented.
-- normzone, Jul 16 2007

I recall reading an article about some country where the men all thought the proper technique was to tie a string around their waist and attach the condom. Apparently the world's average condom was too big for that country's average guy . . ..
-- baconbrain, Jul 16 2007

Pitching and Tossing like a three hour what?.... ;-)
-- gnomethang, Jul 16 2007

So, it's a speedo? Specialized for sex?

-- shapu, Jul 16 2007

I don't understand. Rubber underpants?
-- Noexit, Jul 16 2007

Not bad, but I'm a little nervous about the snapping thing. I'm also a little worried about the extra material. Condoms don't tend to wind up in the recycle bin, you know.

Why not make condom gaskets with extra loops, and sell a separate belt (also suitable for other purposes...) that would lock the condom on.

Either way, there definitely is a need for condoms that don't slip off. Especially when guys get drunk, and loose their uh, concentration...
-- ye_river_xiv, Jul 16 2007

Think of it not as a speedo, but as a thong. Or if you must think of it as a speedo, think of a thong-like speedo. Or a speedo without almost all of the speedo.

I can't believe I started this.

The three hour tour line is a reference to the lyrics from the theme song of the Gilligan's Island television show.

[ye_river_xiv], get together with [jhomrighaus] and work that one out, will you? I was trying to keep it simple, but it's evident you two have superior fashion and marketing skills.
-- normzone, Jul 16 2007

I think that the material choice needs to be discussed here before belts and whatnot gets too complicated. I'm not saying that I'm a particularly hairy fella, but the idea of rubber loops getting all twisted up in the hair in and around me sackular area kinda makes me shudder and not in a good way. Perhaps a nice faux fur finish...
-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 17 2007

Can I get one with ears on the belt and perhaps a tail?
-- marklar, Jul 17 2007

[NotTheSharpestSpoon], I was thinking latex, not rubber. Although the problem you reference could still be an issue.

[marklar], did we just slide over into the realm of furries and plushies? I'm not really conversant in those areas, but I understand there are people hardwired for this kind of thing.

Or is this a "Tails For All" kind of thing?
-- normzone, Jul 17 2007

Okay the picture in my head is of a back like a jock strap that is connected to the condom. It is kind of a goofy picture.
-- PollyNo9, Jul 17 2007

no, no, it's like a condom with bra straps but for the legs.
-- xandram, Jul 17 2007

Or perhaps a weird pair of undies w/ a latex codpiece?

That picture in my head? It keeps getting more and more bizarre.
-- PollyNo9, Jul 17 2007

Does the linked photo kind of fit if one assumed it to be all one piece?
-- jhomrighaus, Jul 17 2007

Too funny. It's times like this I'm glad that I decline to illustrate.

[PollyNo9], your jockstrap analogy is how I pictured it, although [xandram] your bra analogy would work as well.

I envisioned this as a simple one-piece molded part, but then again, I've never had to run the mold yet.

[jhomrighaus], that single strap coming up between the legs looks none too comfortable.
-- normzone, Jul 17 2007

//but it's evident you two have superior fashion and marketing skills.//

That's sarcasm, right? I've never been complemented for my fashion...

I reckon the separate strap would be numbingly simple, and would likely come in various forms, black latex, leather, leapord print, velvet...

Since the condom is made of a stretchy material, the belt could likely have just hooks, or, for added safety, cleats.

I think where this idea is going to come crashing down is in figuring out a way to get the holes (or leg pieces) to roll up with the rest without destroying the condom in the pack.

Of course, I've never "run the mold" either.

Unfortunate that little practicalities such as packaging might ruin this idea, because a condom with straps is really something that most of the population will need soon. Research has shown that not all men are the same size, Experience shows that no man will admit to having a less than average penis, and statistics shows that if there is variation in size,abot half of us are less than average.

By combining these three facts it becomes patently obvious that at least half the men using condoms will soon be choosing types that are too large for their member.

Without straps, men may soon have to talk to their doctor about condom size before they can buy these devices... much as how women today have to get a prescription for their diaphragm, except women don't much care, because there are not a lot of jokes about cervix size.
-- ye_river_xiv, Jul 18 2007

OK. So the condoms come as they do already, in "Large", "Larger", and "Largest".

The straps will have to be adjustable (goes off to halt the mold maker pending engineering updates)
-- normzone, Jul 18 2007

You missed the opportunity to title it a 'garter snake.'
-- RayfordSteele, Jul 18 2007

//You missed the opportunity to title it a 'garter snake'//

Wouldn't 'snake garter' be more appropriate?
-- Noexit, Jul 19 2007

actually on reflection a small garter bad applied to the...snake that clipped to said condom would be the ticket. Think like old garters for socks that men used to wear.
-- jhomrighaus, Jul 19 2007

-- bnip, Sep 14 2007

Just stumbled across this and thought it was someone else's idea - "Guitar Condoms".
-- normzone, Sep 14 2007

I thought this was going to be about prophylactic availability, rather than tenacity.
-- csea, Sep 14 2007

random, halfbakery