Home: Security: Theme
Haunted House Security System   (+7)  [vote for, against]
Can burglers be identified based on their stool sample?

This is a proposition for designing a house with maximum bowel-evacuating potential.

It may be a little difficult to live in such a house, but imagine the effect on a burgler when he enters an unlocked house in the middle of the night with extra creeky doors, floorboards and walls.

Imagine his suprise when drapes flap infront of clearly unopened windows. Will he notice that there is a coffin in the place of a coffee table?

And what is that smell? Carrion? Festering blood?

And what happens when the audio he triggered by opening the door as a trespasser at such a late hour begins the demonic whispering of the cursed dead?

Will he run, or drop dead, when a ghostly fingure emerges from a doorway? And will that ghostly figure: a spectre of nothing but a head of grey, a featureless starch white face, and a light flapping gown pick up the phone and call the police because it's a serious crime to break into an old ladies house when she is asleep, wearing her wrinkle treatment.
-- cuckoointherye, Jan 27 2005

Stumbleboy http://www.zeppotro...ons/stumbleboy.html
You could try popping a few of these about the place... [zen_tom, Jan 27 2005]

Knocking door Knocking_20door
Slight modifications of this idea could be used to help disturb the mental state of the criminal. [ye_river_xiv, Jul 14 2006]

I'd rather not fit my house with a security system whose selling point was "maximum bowel-evacuating potential".
-- hippo, Jan 27 2005

Be sure to order the central vacuuming option, too.
-- krelnik, Jan 27 2005

<Press Release>The Haunted House Security System now comes standard with sensors that detect potential hazards, and take the appropriate action to protect YOU! The system will automatically call the police in case of a break in, the fire department in case of a fire, and a maid in case of a criminals bowel-evacuation.</PR>
-- brodie, Jan 27 2005

As part of the application to the advanced furniture design course, they wanted me to send a stool sample, but then they never got back to me.
-- FarmerJohn, Jan 27 2005

Burglars would just start wearing adult diapers and continue burgling homes, I'd guess.
-- Machiavelli, Jan 27 2005

Surely this belongs in "Home:Security:theme:Fecal matter"
-- ye_river_xiv, Jun 28 2008

random, halfbakery