Food: Pizza
Helical Pizza   (+11)  [vote for, against]
"Tower of Pizza: ordered 'By the Floor'"

Mostly a novelty for parties, this new form of pizza (AKA the "endless pizza") would be baked in a special oven that has at its core a tall helical "pan" that looks like the inner workings of a classical Archimedes pump. This screw stands upright within the oven and the pizza slides 'round and 'round the center shaft and down to the bottom as it bakes. Fans within the oven and possibly heating elements within the tray help circulate hot air and even-out the baking of the pizza as it slides around and down.

To begin the process, the dough is rolled and pulled (rather than thrown) in great quantities (ok not truly "endless pizza" thus the quotation marks above) and fed into the top of this oven. Nimble pizzeria workers <upgrade option> or a phalanx of frenetic French fembots </upgrade option> apply the toppings as the dough is exposed at the top of the oven and before it rotates down, around and below the oncoming layer... Some kind of chain-drive pulls or pushes the pizza down the slide. The pizza might require a slippery paper to ride on (sticky dough.)

Pizzas are made in this way continuously from opening until closing.

As a particular order is finished, a HUGE LASER BEAM (see [cucaracha]'s "Laser cut pizza") both portion-slices and slices off the pizza in a stylish squiggle. In addition, the huge laser beam might burn the pizzeria's name and phone number into a section of the dough left "untopped" for that very use. Order number and party name could also be scorched in there too. Maybe a coupon for your next pie too. But I digress.

The inner-most part of the pizza crust (the one that rides the inner shank of the slide) might be raised just like the outer crust and cut off prior to boxing it up. I'd be inclined to leave it on (waste not want not.)

No longer are there Small Medium and Large/Extra Large EXTREEME etc. sizes.

We have one size and you can have as many multiples of one as you care for. Even 1.75! Saves on all that math using pi! ("pi!" looks funny) and the pizza just grows in the vertical axis.

A single "floor" is just 360° of pizza and is for the truly boring customer. Each additional 360° of pizza is a "floor" and this would be the ordering convention for the customers:

"Gimme two floors of pepperoni an' onion, one green peppers and beano!"

This would yield a 3 floor pizza (and about 2 inches to the waist-line.)

We have one size and you can have as many multiples of one as you care for. Even 1.75 floors. Saves on all that math using pi! ("pi!" looks funny)

We box this new confection in a very special pizza box. It is probably round or octagonal and is taller than conventional boxes to accommodate more than one "floor." The insert (corrugated cardboard naturally) that keeps the floors separate is placed below the oven and used to catch the finished pizza as it slithers out of the oven. It (the insert) is a multipart cardboard assembly: has a columnar core and "floor boards" that engage the central core much as steps in a spiral staircase.

Each "floor board" supports 90° of pizza and has a tab on one of the short edges and a slot on the other. In this way they can interlock one with the next as they continue up and and around the columnar core. They form a long gentle sloping, segmented Archimedes ramp.

The perimeter of the "floor boards" are cut and scored with what look like gear teeth when flat. But the nimble pizzeria workers/fembots turn these teeth down along scored lines after they insert them into the columnar core and WHAMO!: a "Tower of Pisa" style colonnade of supports is formed. Now the floor boards gain support by resting on the crust of the floor below.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

archimedes pump pictures http://www.animated...mpglos/archimed.htm
if your classical mechanics are a bit rusty... [DadManWalking, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Pizza Donuts are close... http://www.halfbake...idea/Pizza_20Donuts
phi_16 was on to something... [DadManWalking, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Says [k_sra] to [DadManWalking]...
"You're not my father!" [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

there there dear
[k sra]'s time out [DadManWalking, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Spiral apples
[Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

I was considering posting an idea for cutting a pizza helically, but I couldn't figure out a way of eating it that didn't involve getting grease all over your tie.
-- DrCurry, Dec 22 2003

Sounds like a tall order...
Welcome to the bakery, [Dad].
-- k_sra, Dec 22 2003

Hey [Dr. Curry] if you keep your gestures fairly small while eating then you will not have to // figure out a way of eating it that didn't involve getting grease all over your tie.// since my ties stay at home hanging on a hanger behind a door they are pretty safe. But I'm new here and respect your sense of caution. Plastic tie cozies on!
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

DMW: What if I eat the pizza in your tie closet?
-- DrCurry, Dec 22 2003

come out of the closet, Curry.

is that really your dad, k?
-- po, Dec 22 2003

You [DrCurry} are welcome to eat pizza in my tie closet if I can wear ties in your pizza oven.

As I think about it, the diameter could be fairly small so the Helical Pizza Oven might be a space saver. Leaving room for the tie vault.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

Thanks for the warm welcome [k sra] and no [po] I'm not k sra's dad, pretty darn sure...not that there is anything wrong with being k sra's dad...
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

Well, shoot, I was gonna heir on the side of helical pizza until [po] blew my cover!
-- k_sra, Dec 22 2003

yeah, they could put an "o" out.
-- k_sra, Dec 22 2003

Hey o!

I think selling by the degree invites confusion (how hot vs how far 'round vs MD vs Phd vs MA vs (nach) BS) I'll stick to the 'by the floor' spec for most folks.

but near University campuses or video game parlors we'd have a conversion device/table for sure.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

Wait, wouldn't the cheese slide off?
-- k_sra, Dec 22 2003

rest easy there k sra...

Cheese would not slide of if the slope is gentle enough. Need to do some research into the angle of repose for cheese at 350°-400°. Any reference material out there from the fondu set?
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

Wouldn't mind some trial testing, though ... warm up the oven.
-- Letsbuildafort, Dec 22 2003

// rest easy there k sra... //

Now you're even acting like my father! Tsk.
-- k_sra, Dec 22 2003

DMW: even without the Nazi overtones, you would definitely be getting the wrong end of that bargain.
-- DrCurry, Dec 22 2003

k sra

you know how you are when you do not rest... do you need a time out?

Letsbuild! you're on! I'm assuming you want to wait for the fembots to be fully engaged.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 22 2003

Well done, er, crispy idea. +
-- thumbwax, Dec 23 2003

Una? (watson I presume) the DNA option, another upgrade, means either the two pies get conjoined as per UnaBubba or just made in tandem, unwound and given to separate customers, each none the wiser.

The two separate slides on one shaft presents some interesting possibilities. (see first link for an idea on how multiple helixes can coexist on a single shaft) In addition to Pizzeria Una's Doublehelix the two "chambers" could be distinguished by temperature (hot and fast, slow and cooler)

Or the two slides could be kosher/ non kosher. I imagine in the kosher/non kosher model we'd need two isolated kitchens and the fembots would need to be trained in Kosher technique and work twice as fast as they could only see half a pizza top to cover it before it heads out of sight.

Ok back to the sheet metal shop...
-- DadManWalking, Dec 23 2003

Being the holidays, how about a tapered helix in the form of a x-mas tree? Decorated with pepperoni, etc... And maybe with a 'star' on top made of green pepper?
-- Dently, Dec 23 2003

Only problem is, hot pizza toppings tend to start sliding at anything beyond a fairly shallow angle, which means you'd have to make the sauce out of a new space-age edible glue formula.

Someone figure out how to make a Moebius pizza. That would rule!

Pi! is the hit Broadway musical about ancient geometry knowledge.
-- Size_Mick, Dec 24 2003

Yes the hot pizza toppings begin to slide, but the pizza dough is moving down as well! AH HA! Ok that may actually be a problem. But thicker sauce should help. Or aim the fans "up hill" to counteract the slide force.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 24 2003

Since the cheese has less viscosity than the sauce in most, if not all temperatures, the pizza cook should lay down narrow rows of cheese directly upon the dough and crosswise to its width, say, every 8 to 12 inches then pre-bake this assembly. The lightly melted cheese will adhere to the crust and act as a sort of cheese bump thereby reducing the velocity of any runaway toppings.

Another option is to bake the crust separately and keep the sauce heated. Another oven works to preheat the alloted toppings for each pizza made. After this initial baking and preheating, one cook then spreads the sauce on the newly baked crust while another adds the remaining toppings, all in assembly-line fashion. The pizza undergoes a final flash baking (broiling) just ahead of exiting the oven.

+ for 'dough branding'.
-- Tiger Lily, Dec 24 2003

I really like this idea and see it as a cross between a tortilla oven and a luggage carousel in an airport. Tortilla ovens need to cook long enough, but need to be compact. They achieve this by cooking one side during one trip down the conveyor and then flipping over and going back. Three times back and forth is sufficient to cook them thoroughly. The idea of a spiral seems better at reducing the footprint of the machinery.

They have the "speed bumps" mentioned to keep the soft dough from deforming and I see this idea as bakeable. An entire pizza could be made by slicing in the appropriate spot and joining the ends together. Very much like the apple peeler/corer/slicer <link> that I have in my kitchen. The apple comes in a continous spiral, but if you slice down on one side only, it makes perfect rings. [+]
-- Klaatu, Dec 24 2003

This has got to be one of the best ideas I have ever seen. This needs to be invented ASAP... Wouldn't be too hard either... The pizza would be continously produced out of some type of flat 'pizza nozzle' and then spirals its way down into some type of tubular pizza dispenser. Amazing idea! (++++)
-- KLRico, Dec 24 2003

Like those cool tortilla making machines! I love those little tortillas ... I love them GOOD.
-- Letsbuildafort, Dec 24 2003

[builda] I think the tortilla machines are great. I love them. One restaurant I have not been to in a while had the machine inside the dining room as a source of entertainment. Wait staff would occasionally come by with balls of dough and drop them in the top. Other times they would swing by and grab fresh piping hot tortillas from the landing basket. YUM

I suspect they (the tortilla machines) have cooked in my unconscious and were a partial inspiration for the Helical Pizza.
-- DadManWalking, Dec 24 2003

Mmmm. If you spin it fast enough the outward force may counteract the downward force and keep everything in place. +
-- sartep, Dec 24 2003

Fantastic notion [+]
-- zen_tom, May 21 2009

I think for thin crust, a fairly shallow angle would be possible. With the related low topping stack height, sliding should be minimal. Deep dish pizza, however, is going to result in a puddle.
-- MechE, May 21 2009

congratulations on fitting fembots into an already fabulous and well-rounded idea. you may have all my buns.
-- Voice, Oct 25 2012

random, halfbakery