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Product: Phone: Telemarketing
I am a teletubbymarketer   (+10)  [vote for, against]
"It's for you, junior."

Software inserted in your phone that, at the press of a button, converts the caller's speech into Teletubbyspeak. When a telemarketer calls, simply press the button and

"Hello, Mr. Jones, howareyoutodayI'dliketoofferyouanincredibleopportunity..."


"Uh-oh! Messa Dohne. Owa ooh today! Ah likea offa yoo..."

Hand the phone to your toddler. You're free of the scourge, and the teletubbymarketer is providing a free babysitting service.
-- beauxeault, Aug 29 2003

Seussian Telemarketing http://www.halfbake...ian_20Telemarketing
Posted prior to teletubbymarketing, but I promise my idea was conceived independently. [beauxeault, Oct 04 2004]

This is wonderful. In order to render into true Tellytubby speak, shirley it needs to do something like "Hello Po [eh-o Po]. Po has a scooter. [Po has coota] Po's scooter is red. [Po coota is wed] Would you like a red scooter? [parp parp] Oh no. [oh no] Po has crashed the scooter [Po crash coota]".

And, if you don't have a toddler any more, does the service incorporate delivering a toddler for telemarketer sitting?
-- PeterSilly, Aug 29 2003

Shoot, wish I would've thought of it.
-- RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2003

C'est une Bun idée. +
-- k_sra, Aug 29 2003

you've all gone laa-laa. I think I will run away, run away...
-- po, Aug 29 2003

(runs away)
-- phoenix, Aug 29 2003

reminds me of a thing that 'translates' your dog's (now they also have a cat version too) barks into speaking. 'Bowlingual'. Or those phones that can translate Russian or something into English.
-- benlevi7, Aug 29 2003

"Doo yoo have a cwedit cahd?"
"Ummmm Ah think we have some we pway games wiff..
"Doo yoo certify that yoo are over ate-teen?"
"Duz that come before or after fwee?"

-- RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2003

Could you have an adult-translation service going the other way? It could be pretty simple and just repeat the following phrases when the child speaks:

"That's very interesting. Could you tell me more?"
"What was that first thing again?"
"I'm sorry, my child was distracting me. Can you start over?"
"Do you have any other products I might be interested in?"
-- Worldgineer, Aug 29 2003

Alternate modules do Jar Jar Binks.
-- bristolz, Aug 29 2003


(Me-sa don't likes!)
-- Cedar Park, Aug 29 2003

-- thumbwax, Aug 29 2003

> Jar Jar Binks

the annoying bloody character in the history of film

-- wobbly, Aug 29 2003

Our teletubbies speak lame spanish and the voices are annoying. Plus, some telemarketers already talk stupidly, but the approach is very cute. I love toddler voices.
-- Pericles, Aug 29 2003

/Would you like a red scooter?/

No, no red cooter for me, thanks...
-- X2Entendre, Aug 29 2003

Hold on: telemarketers know enough about you to figure out just which siren or celebrity accent to employ for your household--this bake could have us all waiting by the phone for a sales call from Walter Cronkite or Catherine Zeta-Jones.
-- tfangio, Aug 31 2003

Bill and Ben telemarketing? Clangers? Now that I would love. Apparently the Clangers can be understood in any language so that would be a bonus for international telemarketing peeps.
-- squeak, Sep 01 2003

i vote clangers, especially the soup dragon now that would be an idea... a dragon that makes and delievers soup...
-- engineer1, Feb 13 2004

This way, you won't buy anything, and you will not become...

(wait for it)

-- dagonet, Feb 13 2004

awesome +
-- ixnaum, Aug 16 2006

random, halfbakery