Home: Bed: Add-on
Love Handles   (+7)  [vote for, against]
Grind handles and pour upholstry on them

I'm finding in this incarnation of my youth that I'm not as flexible and pain-free as I used to be. As an example, my rib cartilege is no longer flexible enough to allow me to twist and squirm without causing pain.

But that's not what we're here to talk about today. We're here to talk about sex.

Specifically, we're here to talk about that old fashioned standby position, the man-on-top missionary position.

Norm(zone)ally, the hands go flat on the bed on either side of your partner.

However, my wrists are not as pain free and flexible as they used to be, having been broken and sprained multiple times in football (american), motorcycle spills, falls, etc.

Sure, as a skilled lover, I use all the other available positions as well. But I'm really reluctant to give up ANY of my options.

And so we come to the idea: Love Handles.

These are handles, built into small firm pillows, that allow you to rest your weight on your hands in a gripping position, instead of palm-down or fists.
-- normzone, Sep 23 2009

Cross-referenced in thanks for giving me the courage to post ;-) Strength_20Saver_20Sex_20Support
[normzone, Sep 23 2009]

Love handles Love_20handles
(Title's been done.) [skinflaps, Sep 24 2009]

Norm - I suspect that, all these years, you have been doing press-ups and just *thinking* it was sex. Can I ask if you have children?

Why would your palms be flat on the bed?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 23 2009

I mean, surely they're either working the DVD remote, or holding the inflation valve shut?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 23 2009

anything to help a gentleman!

off to bed thinking about the word/spelling of upholstry...
-- po, Sep 23 2009

Well, I'm glad to see this lot has spoken - I thought this idea was going to sink without a trace.

[MaxwellBuchanan], I usually cycle through all the options - elbows, flat palms, fists, etc. Isn't there an idea somewhere here on the 'bakery for choreographing sex as in sheet music?

I chose vasectomy over reproduction, but I'm pretty sure often it was sex. My enthusiastic partners seem to think so, at least. References available upon request.

[po], perhaps someday we'll have the opportunity to test some prototypes ;-)

upholster (v.) 1853, back-formation from upholsterer "tradesman who finishes or repairs articles of furniture" (1613), from upholdester (1411), formed with a dim. (originally fem.) suffix, from obsolete M.E. noun upholder "dealer in small goods" (1333), from upholden "to repair, uphold, keep from falling or sinking" (in this case, by stuffing); see uphold. Upholstery is attested from 1649.

[21Quest), I googled The Perfect Pushup, and I've seen those things before and considered them an alternative application, but they're decidedly unromantic, and I doubt they'd be comfortable in bed.

Now if the basic design was padded up and built into a pillow, that would probably work. I do want these things to be in or on the bedclothes as defaults.

[UnaBubba], I'll happily accept counsel from you regarding gentlemanly conduct. My sweetheart has no particular fancy for leather most of the time, so the boots stay in the closet.
-- normzone, Sep 23 2009

I agree with the elbow sentiment. It brings you closer together, enhancing the feedback loop between lips, brains, and balls.
-- daseva, Sep 23 2009

You neglected to mention nipples. Additionally, sometimes in So Cal it gets so hot that the only way to have sex is without touching ;-)
-- normzone, Sep 24 2009

the only way to have sex is without touching [marked-for-tagline]
-- vincevincevince, Sep 24 2009

So Cal: Southern California <<doing victory dance for thinking of that all by myself>>

Away with your love handles man!! Just grab her by the wrists!
-- zeno, Sep 24 2009

-- skinflaps, Sep 24 2009

That's the modern (modem?) approach. I'm referrring to the LGC (Limited Groinal Contact) approach.

I like [skinflaps] idea, but I'd have to resurface my walls and ceiling.
-- normzone, Sep 24 2009

random, halfbakery