Culture: Names
More exciting names for products   (0)  [vote for, against]
...instead of crappy brand names and meaningless acronyms

We used to do it, but we lost our way.

"Horseless carriages" turned into SUVs. Babbage's "difference engine" somehow got diluted down to "personal computer", and as for "Pentium," and "Athlon," well, they're just twatty.

I say, no more! I don't want a PDA, I want a "mechanical secretary"! I don't want a "digital camcorder", I want an "electron cinematographer".

(I realise this sounds a touch ranty, but I really would like to be able to go into Richer Sounds and ask for a "laser gramophone".)

(And not get laughed at or beaten senseless.)

-- friendlyfire, Dec 23 2002

Antiquarian Grocer http://www.halfbake...ntiquarian_20Grocer
UnaBubba's trip down memory lane. [st3f, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Just have this guy name everything http://www.thesimps...nspeople_burns.html
[mrthingy, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

//I realise this sounds a touch ranty//
Uh... Yes? Taking the rant away this reads to me as if you want to name things as if the world were still in the Victorian era.

Your examples are rather odd, though:
# SUV = 'Sports Utility Vehicle' which, once you peel of the contempt bred by familiarity, sounds rather grand.
# computer -- The phrase 'electronic computer' was coined by Alan Turing to refer to devices that were capable of calculation, duplicating the work that human computers (people that did maths for banks etc.) used to do. Again, a lovely retro reference to the human skill that the electronic computer took over. The only reason that this sounds commonplace is that computers are so everyday and the human role has disappeared, replaced by spreadsheets and the pocket calculator.
# Pentium, Athlon -- just invented words. Naff, agreed, but born out of necessity. You cannot trademark existing words so they invent new ones.
# PDA = 'Personal Digital Assistant'. How grand can you get? Again it is just familiarity that has made this a commonplace word. If it had been called a Mechanical Secretary (an MS!) then you would be railing against that.

'camcorder' -- at last you have a contracted word which could be replaced by 'Video Camera and Recorder' or something grander.

I think that the majority of this idea seems to be a rant, but will stop short of an MFD to see if a genuine idea emerges. Fishbone.
-- st3f, Dec 23 2002

Well, [UnaBubba] posted an idea (Antiquarian Grocer) for an old-fashioned grocery store, and it was not construed as a rant against modern stores. Perhaps this could be interpreted in the same way .
-- angel, Dec 23 2002

I won't expand on the etymology of "twatty", but suffice to say I use it to mean, "foolish and contemptible".

Yes, st3f, I do think the Victorians had a flair for naming inventions. Admitedly, we would quickly run up against a wall if we tried to name everything with only a Victorian vocabulary, but there is a romance to it that the likes of "Segway" lack.

I seriously doubt that more than 1% of SUVs are used either for sports, or have any utility advantage over ordinary cars in their general use.

I'm not so much enraged by these unimaginative naming conventions, as disapppointed. And I admit, I really should have edited the idea for calmness. But I still think it would make buying things a more fun experience.
-- friendlyfire, Dec 23 2002

Segway's the company name. The device is called the 'Human Transporter.' I'm assuming that you would prefer it if they called it the 'Gyroscopic Perambulator'. Funnily enough, so would I.
-- st3f, Dec 23 2002

'Gyroscopic Perambulator' - I love it! I didn't know, however, that Segway was the company name. Live and learn, eh?
-- friendlyfire, Dec 23 2002

Only because many wouldn't pronounce it correctly.
-- thumbwax, Dec 23 2002

I wanted to call something at work the "IP Flux Herald" - something to measure and predict the usage of an IP network for capacity planning.

Everyone just laughed.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Dec 23 2002

(American) Football - "Armoured Rugby...EXTREME!"
-- Jinbish, Dec 23 2002

[RT]You never disappoint. Reading your annotations is always a lesson.
-- jurist, Dec 24 2002

//monstrously pompous//

One cannot but agree with such unerringly accurate and erudite analysis.
-- DrBob, Dec 24 2002

random, halfbakery