Science: Body: Nose
Nose 1-2-3   (+16, -3)  [vote for, against]
Because sometimes beauty is a curse.

Hey Girls! You getting tired of being chatted up by the same greaseball in class every Friday? You getting stalked on the weekends? You just can’t get the message through to your ex?

Now there’s a solution! New “Nose 1-2-3” will reshape your nose in just three easy steps! Each packet of “Nose 1-2-3” contains three prosthetic noses, each a little larger than the last, complete with nose adhesive, blending paste and a powder compact. Applied in just five minutes, “Nose 1-2-3” will noticeably increase your SNOUT SIZE!! Start with the smallest and step up one size a week and after just three weeks you’ll look like you’ve grown a HUGE NOSE!! Once you’ve shaken your stalker, you can remove your COLOSSAL CONK and return your facial proportions back to normal.*

“Nose 1-2-3” is available in a variety of skin tones and size ranges, and for a limited period comes with FREE ADHESIVE WARTS!!

So buy “Nose 1-2-3” today, and drive those weirdoes away!

*Normalisation of social status not guaranteed
-- wagster, Jul 18 2005

Ugly Teef
Buy some ugly teef too [MoreCowbell, Jul 14 2006]

Brilliant!! You-nose-it!!!
-- Minimal, Jul 18 2005

For some reason this reminds me of a dating website I read about that only included people who were considered by other members as 'beautiful/ handsome' enough...

-- froglet, Jul 18 2005

Too much work. I like the Idea, but an applica-wart that grows hair suits me better.
-- reensure, Jul 18 2005

Hah hah Wagster. I *am* that greaseball, and will know that the apparently gross proboscis is nothing but a ruse. You've blown your nose, Wag.
-- Basepair, Jul 18 2005

I seem to have unwittingly subscribed to "Ass 1-2-3". I am interested in the removal part, as it no longer fits well into my pants, but seems very firmly attached.
-- bungston, Jul 18 2005

See what happens when you miss a payment?
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 19 2005

my wife has no nose. how does she smell? terrible.
-- benfrost, Jul 19 2005

-- DocBrown, Jul 19 2005

Just pick your nose when said guy is watching. Usually works. Not always, but usually.
-- k_sra, Jul 19 2005

If it doesn't, then make sure you smile at him later with the bogie caught in your teeth...
-- wagster, Jul 19 2005

//make sure you smile at him later with the bogie caught in your teeth...//

Haha, Bogie. Gotta love the Brits.
-- JuJuHound, Jul 20 2005

I love this.+
-- xandram, Jul 14 2006

//So buy “Nose 1-2-3” today, and drive those weirdoes away!//

And become one yourself!

Bun'd time long past.
-- DesertFox, Jul 14 2006

Increase the length of your nose after each time you tell him you don't love him. Then he'll think you're lying, and you still have feelings for him!

How about something a little less pinnochioesqe, like growing ears, or shrinking breasts...
-- ye_river_xiv, Jul 15 2006

I don't think this one is going to sell until it has a feature that allows it to dissapear automagically when a hunk (who your customers want to attract rather than repel) suddenly comes on the scene.
-- James Newton, Jul 16 2006

[James] I think if said hunk was to appear, the nose can be taken off. I'd get a tissue, pretend to blow my nose whilst ripping it off, and act like nothing unusual has happened.
-- xandram, Jul 17 2006

I just liked my own anno from 8 years ago! (found it by accident while browsing random ideas!)
-- xandram, Jun 26 2014

This completely fails to take into account men such as myself who consider women with strong or prominent noses attractive.
-- normzone, Jun 26 2014

-- Voice, Jun 27 2014

random, halfbakery