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Business: Customer Protection
PupilPal   (0)  [vote for, against]

At PupilPal, we know life is hard for elementary school students. PupilPal is a service designed to make it all just a little easier.

Panicked by a pop quiz? Simply enter the code on your cell phone, and we’ll send someone over to pull the fire alarm.

Cooties? Our patented “Cootie-Scoot!” antidote is clinically proven more effective against this scourge than any other remedy. We make a fresh batch each day.

Nobody willing to trade food with you at lunch? We’ll bring by a cart full of candy, pastries, and other snacks to exchange. And yes, we even take liverwurst.

Scrape your knee at recess? Our “Mom for a Minute” will dry your tears and cuddle you into her soft bosom until you feel all better (disclaimer: This service offered only to pupils under the age of ten).

Visit our web site at for the whole list of services. Sign up today and get a free tablet full of 500 handwritten lines of “I will not” (call us when you’ve been caught, and we’ll fill in the rest for a nominal additional fee).
-- beauxeault, Apr 28 2003

As a secondary product, you could offer insurance to cover the costs of pupilpal services.
-- bristolz, Apr 28 2003

Sniff...yes "Mommy", I am big for my age. Ow, ow...oh hold me tighter; it hurts soo much.
-- FarmerJohn, Apr 28 2003

FJ, oh sniff - I see - sorry.
-- po, Apr 28 2003

Isn't there some grown up version of the Minute-Mom (besides hookers)? My sister's idea of heaven is a giant woman with a big, warm, pillowy chest and soft clothes (ala Cosette in Les Mis) that she could snuggle up to.
-- k_sra, Apr 29 2003

its kind of off topic, but whats a "cootie"?
-- TonyDevilUK, Apr 29 2003

Cootie is a special thermal t-shirt worn by racing pigeons.
-- bristolz, Apr 29 2003

"Cootie" is also a kid's game in the U.S. that involves building a model of an imaginary bug. But the cooties referred to in the idea are the infection an elementary school child receives when s/he touches a member of the opposite sex. The case is typically much more severe when the infecting person is reputed to have a romantic affection for or appeal to the infected. And a kiss can result in a nearly fatal dose. Cooties can also result from being associated with a broad range of taboos (wet pants, unfashionable clothing, nose-picking, general unpopularity, etc.), or even by contact with a person of the same sex who has cooties. But when I was a kid, cooties mostly came from icky girls.

I think both bliss' definition and the game derive from the schoolyard definition; I have no idea how it got into pigeon apparel.

I thought the term was universal. My apologies to any befuddled non-Americans.
-- beauxeault, Apr 29 2003

and bris, in your first annotation, are you suggesting a protection racket?
-- beauxeault, Apr 29 2003

Um, erm, maybe.

And cooties still come from icky girls. Here, I'll send you some.
-- bristolz, Apr 29 2003

Sort of a junior division of the company of strangers, perhaps?
-- RayfordSteele, Apr 29 2003

random, halfbakery