Vehicle: Bicycle: Anti-theft
Ramset Bikelock   (+7)  [vote for, against]
I think this might be my best bike-lock idea yet.

It may be healthy, and good for the environment, but cycling can be a miserable experience if, when you reach your destination, there's nowhere to chain your bike up. But now, with the new Mitxela Co. Ramset Bikelock, these lockless fears are a thing of the past!

Simply point the anchoring tool at any convenient surface, be it concrete, asphalt, or steel I-beam, and pull the trigger to actuate the powder charge which instantly and securely embeds a fresh eye-bolt anchor into it. Chain your bike to this newly minted steel hoop, and away you go!

The hoop installation is permanent, so when it's time to depart you now leave a helpful locking point for other cyclists. But fear not: the Ramset Bikelock operates in a semi-automatic fashion, and its magazine carries twelve anchors and associated powder charges, so even multi-stop journeys are a breeze. When not in use, the device can be stowed snugly in a cradle not dissimilar to a bottle holder*, and can only be removed/actuated when unlocked by key.

With the Ramset Bikelock, there's nowhere** you can't park your bike!

*Except bigger.

**Except for surfaces which are muddy, sandy etc.
-- mitxela, Oct 16 2018

this is how fast some locks can be opened [xenzag, Oct 17 2018]

Also works as a tether system for your horse named Bike, or extra-secure parking for your bike-in-an-envelope SmartCar™.
-- Sgt Teacup, Oct 16 2018

what if there were cyanocrylate glue (superglue) that dissolved when a particular sequence of particular UV frequencies illuminated it? Then you could just glue your bike to something and then wave the light emitter, producing the sequence, to unglue it.
-- beanangel, Oct 16 2018

// dissolved when a particular sequence of particular UV frequencies illuminated it //

UV will generate free radicals, which typically are the chain initiating step for polymerization; UV degradation of polymers takes a long, long time. Bad physics ...

Microwave digestion might be a more practical option.
-- 8th of 7, Oct 16 2018

Or have clipless pedals that have a specific shape that only locks into your shoes, like a wheel lock.
-- RayfordSteele, Oct 17 2018

With a bit of gumption and a reasonable length of chain, you could suspend your bike across a street, high from all but the most bestilted of thieves.
-- calum, Oct 17 2018

Most locks can be opened in a few seconds by an experienced lock-picker, even the expensive so called 'pick-proof' ones. If you don't believe this, do a quick search and watch how easily they are sprung. Anything that cannot be opened can be cut with a portable angle grinder. If you have a valuable bike and you leave it somewhere unattended, expect it to be taken, regardless of the lock.
-- xenzag, Oct 17 2018

With the introduction of the Ramset Bikelock, I expect the angle grinders would be wielded not by bike thieves, but by disgruntled members of the local area, infuriated by the sudden apparition of metal hoops everywhere.
-- mitxela, Oct 17 2018

With a detcord zip tie around the base of the eyelet, it need not even be a permanent installation.
-- 21 Quest, Oct 19 2018

with some impressive chain reengineering could you just have a pop-off gear area that you could take with you and then just click-pop it back on to have a working bike?
-- beanangel, Oct 19 2018

Following on from Calum's suggestion you would only need 9.07185 cubic metres of hydrogen gas, then you could send it into a holding pattern in the sky, just waiting for your signal to come down.

You could do the same with helium, and get to do to squeaky voice, but they ain't making any more helium, leave it for the medical MRI scanners.

NB "UV will generate free radicals". We have enough human radicals, why would need any more? It's a sad day indeed when I'm voice of reason on hb...tch.
-- not_morrison_rm, Oct 20 2018

// they ain't making any more helium //

... until you get a working fusion reactor, at which point you'll have helium as an exhaust product.
-- 8th of 7, Oct 20 2018 which point, in whole areas downwind, fauna will all sound like Mickey Mouse...

It all means something..
-- not_morrison_rm, Oct 20 2018

How about a key-deactivated Ramset device which will affix the bicycle permanently to any non-authorised rider thereof?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 20 2018

random, halfbakery