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Product: Office Supplies: Eraser
Spider mouth guard   (+5)  [vote for, against]
Forgive me it's late

I just know blissie is with me on this and needs work.

Whopping great you know what sitting on backroom wall giving me the evil eye and flexing it's 68 whatever knee joints. Disposed of out of robin's snack bar, kitchen window.

Idea. Soon to be patented. Spider night time mouth guard. No more spiders having a comfortable rest in my mouth. You know it makes sense.
-- po, Oct 01 2017

Spider moustache http://somethingscr...Jumper.FullFace.jpg
[MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 01 2017]

But what if said malevolent arachnid has set its beady eyes on one of your other facial orifices ... ?

Can we by any chance interest you in one of our BorgCo whole- body anti-spider suits ?
-- 8th of 7, Oct 01 2017

product: office supplies: eraser

Since I can't sleep at work I'd like to try the traveler's version
-- reensure, Oct 01 2017

The obvious solution is to grow a luxuriant moustache. Spiders themselves do this <link>, so there must be something in it.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 01 2017

If you sleep with a bright green led in your mouth, the spiders won't venture beyond the threshold of your teeth. A small battery will power it, and the cable will prevent you from accidentally swallowing it as you sleep.
-- xenzag, Oct 01 2017

You got any independent proof of that, [xen] ?
-- 8th of 7, Oct 01 2017

Easy fix: Move to Australia where the spiders are too big to fit in your mouth (No, I haven't tried).
-- AusCan531, Oct 01 2017

Just hire Ant-Man to dispatch of them.
-- RayfordSteele, Oct 01 2017

So sorry po, but I am no longer a spider hater. I have recently joined their ranks. They give me lots of bugs to eat, they clean my toenails while I sleep, and they braid my eyelashes for me.

The curious can now reach me at Sunnyside Retirement Village, home for the scattered, scared, and slightly deranged. Wanna come visit?

If so, you know where to write. buahahahahahahahaha
-- blissmiss, Oct 01 2017

//You got any independent proof of that?// I have never yet swallowed a spider, whilst most people ingest up to 12 of our furry friends (or is that fiends) per year.
-- xenzag, Oct 02 2017

What is required is objective evidence. Belief is irrelevant. Freedom is irrelevant, self-determination is irrelevant. You will be assimilated. You must comply. Resistance is futile.
-- 8th of 7, Oct 02 2017

I thought this was going to be a mouthguard with mandible extensions for high-impact sports. You know - to intimidate the opposition.
-- Loris, Oct 02 2017

Visiting my sister-in-law in Monmouthshire at the weekend, it was borne in upon me that arachnophobes would not do well in that particular domicile. However, apparently the dogs eat them. There was even a spider next to the apparent corpse of her former mate in the bathroom, or possibly her own former exoskeleton. To me it was simply a good sign of biodiversity. I recognise that elsewhere on the planet it would be instinctive wisdom to fear them, like cats and cucumbers. [+].
-- nineteenthly, Oct 02 2017

Why, admins, don't we have a like button for annos? Please.
-- po, Oct 02 2017

Ha [19] I spent ages getting a spider out of the bathroom windows with a wet mop. It wouldn't cooperate, realised after that it was its discarded exoskeleton. duh.
-- po, Oct 02 2017

// It wouldn't cooperate //

Riiggght ... so if you were attacked by a gigantic creature with 50,000 times your mass, armed with an enormous water-soaked mass of fibres on a massive pole, you'd think "Oh, not to worry, I think I'll just play along and see what happens ... after all, what could possibly go wrong ... ?"
-- 8th of 7, Oct 02 2017

Maybe you should get a mainly insectivorous pet who would get on with cats. A hedgehog?
-- nineteenthly, Oct 03 2017

random, halfbakery