Culture: Funeral: Cremation
Spontaneous Human Combustion Chair   (+6, -2)  [vote for, against]
A chair full of oily rags that generates heat when sat upon.

O_o hello welcome to my curiosity shop. You're interested in this chair, arn't you? Well this is a very special chair. You must not sit upon it. Inside there are seperated layers of fabric. The layers are soaked in oil. It's meant for a cadaver, you see. Setting one upon the chair presses the layers together until spontaneous combustion occurs. Not to worry, until the layers are pressed together the chair is perfectly harmless. Now, to worry.
-- rcarty, Apr 04 2014

How much time off do you have on the books? You might want to use some of it (Dr. Norman recommends...)
-- normzone, Apr 04 2014

Well school's out, so possibly some months? Let me guess dr norman recommends spending some time with a woman with a padded backside to cure mental silliness.
-- rcarty, Apr 04 2014

We would market these for you.
-- 8th of 7, Apr 04 2014

Why would pressing the layers together cause spontaneous combustion? I'm not saying it won't, but why will it?

My understanding is that oily rags combust because of slow, non-combustive oxidation which raises the temperature, and vice versa, in a runaway manner. On that basis, you'd expect closely-packed oily rags, with little of the oil exposed to air, to not combust.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 04 2014

Well, it rather depends how quickly and forcefully they are compressed, doesn't it ?
-- 8th of 7, Apr 04 2014

There could be a bit of nitroglycerine in there, and the deceased could drop in from some height. There would need to be a spike of straightened fish hook design to prevent unseemly bouncing.
-- skoomphemph, Apr 04 2014

Admittedly, pressure is not a factor in oily rag combustion, so instead the pressure will apply oil to the rags inside the chair. The oil will be contained in blisters.
-- rcarty, Apr 05 2014

a bit of piezoelectric current, created by placing the cadaver, might trigger the reaction?
-- smendler, Apr 05 2014

But what if my kitty accidentally jumped up on said chair? Not good. Not good at all.
-- blissmiss, Apr 05 2014

The bags of nitrocellulose, nitroglycerine, fulminate of mercury would have to be placed on the cadaver, and not the chair. (Same goes for all the phosphorus.)
-- skoomphemph, Apr 05 2014

Guaranteed to break the ice at your planet's North Pole in January.

-- 8th of 7, Apr 05 2014

plus something about hemorrhoids
-- rcarty, Apr 08 2014

// But what if my kitty accidentally jumped up on said chair? //

Your dwelling would burn to cinders but your kitty would be completely unharmed. Cats are infuriatingly good at that sort of thing.
-- Alterother, Apr 08 2014

Not the human spontaneous combustion, The Chair and Rags spontaneously combustion. Human is entree.
-- popbottle, Apr 10 2014

I keep reading this as 'Spontanious Human Combustion Choir'.
-- spidermother, Apr 10 2014

"Burst into Flames" not "Burst into Song". Easy mistake.
-- AusCan531, Apr 10 2014

hah! Although I've read the title many times, this morning I read *Spontaneous Human Combustion Hair*. ( a flaming red-head?)
-- xandram, Apr 10 2014

The misreads are better than the idea. Ha.
-- blissmiss, Apr 10 2014

random, halfbakery