Science: Health: Respiratory
Throat Vacuum   (+2, -4)  [vote for, against]
The Phlegm-Master 2000

At first glance this may seem absolutely disgusting but I assure you that the secretion of excess mucus during an illness (or, perhaps in some cases, as a lifestyle choice) is something that should be spoken of without shame.

Everyone knows that there is a point in your cold's evolution when the fluids in question are shy. They are unreachable from the nose and they are unwilling to exit through the mouth, in fact they hover at the back of your throat unable to make up their minds about where to go next.

The Phlegm-Master 2000 Throat Vacuum makes short work of this tricky business. It is hygenic and easy to use. This hand-held device has a soft, flexible, and disposable straw with a padded nozzle. Simply run the straw gently around the back of your thoat. Mucus will be suctioned away into the confines of the Throat Vacuum.

When you are finished suctioning simply hold the Throat Vac over the garbage can, press the recycle button and the straw, along with it's sack of phlegm will pop neatly into the garbage. Out of sight, out of mind.

The Throat Vacuum comes complete with thirty sack-and-straw attachments as well as a bottle of sanitizing gel.
-- ionsfromzion, Oct 10 2006

One of the many "oral suction" devices out there on the Internet
(Though, this being the Internet, you should turn "SafeSearch" on when searching for "oral suction"...) [DrCurry, Oct 10 2006]

Airway Tubes
...for guiding suction tubes, etc. [DrCurry, Oct 10 2006]

Manual Airway Suction Devices http://www.goldenho...y_suction_units.htm
[DrCurry, Oct 10 2006]

And when you don't have a cold, what else could you do with a Throat Vacuum?
-- skinflaps, Oct 10 2006

Long baked. Just watch ER and see how often they ask for "suction" while installing a breathing tube.
-- Galbinus_Caeli, Oct 10 2006

The gentle suction required is easily accomplished with a bulb arrangement - in fact, rubber bulbs are marketed for this purpose for clearing babies' nostrils. That would make a portable, disposable unit. [In fact, these are baked - see third link.]

But frankly, having a tube stuck down your throat (or even over the back of your tongue) is unpleasant at best, and I very much doubt you could self-administer one.
-- DrCurry, Oct 10 2006

<adds ER website to personal list of technical reference resources>
-- ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 10 2006

Probably needs to come with some kind of sedative or at least a throat spray. [+]
-- augusta, Oct 11 2006

random, halfbakery