Food: Dispenser
Tomato Pez Dispenser   (+5)  [vote for, against]
For The Aspirant Vampire

Ever wish you were a vampire, but can't stand the taste of blood? Imagine a pez-type dispenser about three feet tall, designed to hold and dispense whole, delicious, ripe tomatoes instead of pez candy. The head of this "victim" would of course be interchangeable/tradable/upgradeable.

Instructions for use: 1. close the blinds. 2. sit between a lamp and the window. 3. push back the head of the pezato dispenser and fall upon the "throat" with dread fury 4. slake your ravening thirst for a few moments 5. when you are certain the neighbors have seen you, drop the pezato dispenser, go next door (leaving your mouth a mess) and ask your neighbors if they have "heard anything."
-- dijontoothpaste, Jan 23 2004

Labatt Blue Hat Trick dispenser
Another take on quasi-pezzing. [waugsqueke, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Mu wa hahahaha! +
-- k_sra, Jan 23 2004

Very nice, [dijon] ... blood-soaked bun for you [+]
-- Letsbuildafort, Jan 23 2004

there I was thinking what a nice sane person, dijon was... your sister? oh ok - I understand now!

how many calories in that stuff?
-- po, Jan 23 2004

The beauty of tomatoes is that you use more calories eating them than they actually contain. Especially by the time you've run over to the neighbors' house a few times.
-- dijontoothpaste, Jan 23 2004

that is celery, silly.
-- po, Jan 23 2004

splendidly daft. lovely work [dijon]
-- jonthegeologist, Jan 23 2004

Excellent. I'll have two please.
-- hazel, Jan 23 2004

personally i think human blood tastes better then tomatos but maybe that's just me
-- slapdash loser, Jan 23 2004

[po], maybe celery also, but I'm almost certain tomatoes work that way too. Cabbage does as well. What's the term for this? I keep thinking endo-caloric, but I know that isn't it. Nando Calrissian?

Anyway, celery just doesn't produce the gore that tomatoes do. And while red cabbage would produce a lovely mess, the proportional pezzage dispenser would be enormous! Like a vampire attacking an elephant: "I come to suck your blood-- whoa! Nevermind!"
-- dijontoothpaste, Jan 23 2004

//your sister? oh ok//

We were raised by wolveseses, don't ya know.
-- k_sra, Jan 24 2004

// wolveseses // lovely use of the hyperplural [k_sra]. Halfbaker [hazel] often employs 'em too ...

One Mouse
Two Mice
Three (or more) mouses.

Quite right [po], its inexcusable.
-- jonthegeologist, Jan 24 2004

Great link, waugs. One-stop shopping.
-- lintkeeper2, Jan 24 2004

You forgot that it's Four Mices
-- hazel, Jan 24 2004's...ass
-- po, Jan 24 2004

Bloody brilliant ... I think you are going to have to improve the ease-of-loading though. Regular pez require the hands of a surgeon and the patience of a cab driver to load properly. Tomatoes would be quite a mess.

On the plus side though, if you manufactured these by altering old cabbage patch dolls, it would look like you preferred the blood of an infant…
-- luecke, Jan 24 2004

I prefer the plural of moose. Meeces.
-- DesertFox, Dec 21 2005

I think you'll find the plural is Moo'.
-- fridge duck, Dec 22 2005

Mooces? Interesting (I know the plural of moose)
-- DesertFox, Dec 24 2005

random, halfbakery