Kevin van der Graaff's cunning generator is well known for its ability to make one's hair stand on end. When the body (and hair) is charged to a high enough voltage, electrostatic repulsion makes the hair want to get away from itself and from the body, with the resultant effect.

Now.

It's pretty clear that there are two problems with the van der Graaff generator. First, the voltage it supplies is only sufficient to raise hair, which is amusing but not useful. Second, anyone touching the van der Graaffee gets a short, sharp shock and the effect ceases.

So.

MaxxxCo. has developed the Viagra de Graaff Bed for late-middle- aged couples who want to put some zap back into their love-life, but are uncomfortable with pharmaceuticals.

Simply climb aboard the Viagra de Graaff Bed, switch on, lie back, think of England, and wait. The ceramic bed legs will provide adequate insulation as the entire structure is slowly charged to an undisclosed and implausibly high voltage. Your hair, and that of your partner, will begin to stand on end when the voltage reaches the low thousands. You may notice a slight smell of ozone - this is normal.

Eventually, the voltage will cause everything to stand on end, and to extend perpendicularly from the body. Once this state is achieved, proceed as you think best.

MaxxxCo. warmly invites users of the Viagra de Graaff Bed to use the Slow Discharge switch before attempting to leave the bed. We also advise against taking crisps, popcorn or other lightweight comestibles onto the bed whilst in use.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2010

For [2_fries] http://travellingsp...england-part-2.html
[mouseposture, Jun 08 2010]

I did mention that this is specifically for _late_-middle-aged people.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2010


You get that too?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2010


Then you put on the music.... Van Der Morrison of course "It's a marvellous night for a moondance"
-- xenzag, Jun 07 2010


but will it turn innies to outies?
-- swimswim, Jun 08 2010


<raises hand>
Is //Think of England// some patriotic flagpole raising metaphor because it just makes me think of the Queen and, well, bless her'n all, but, she's just not doing it for me guv.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 08 2010


//flagpole raising metaphor// Hardly. <link>
-- mouseposture, Jun 08 2010


Wellll, there's something I coulda known yesterday.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 08 2010


'think of england' don't bother we can't afford the electricity bill!
-- Lunartick, Jun 09 2010


I was going to bun until I got to the //think of England// sentence...although not thinking of the Queen, I was left feeling chilly and foggy...OK, so I checked out the link about thinking about England and still would much rather think of Brad Pitt...no vote.
-- xandram, Jun 09 2010


If the voltage is high enough for a viagra effect, isn't the repulsion strong enough so that the upper partner just floats in space?
-- Toto Anders, Dec 14 2014


That is one of reasons why the Viagra de Graaff Bed has been a slow seller.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 14 2014



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