Product: Office Supplies
bloody typewriter ribbon   (+11, -1)  [vote for, against]
Bit late for Halloween

You need to prepare an important document in blood, but all of your abductees have long dried up, and it's more than six months since you last fed your leeches. What's more, the fountain and dip pens you keep reserved just for these purposes have long sinced caked in blood and rust - and flies - to be used effectively - and you've only got until the onset of dawn to complete the drafting of your contract!

Enter the bloody typewriter ribbon, guaranteed impregnated with 100% real blood. Keep in refrigerator, once the seal is broken, use within 24 hours. Available in Smith-Corona, Hermes, Olivetti and most other manufacturer's specifications.
-- zen_tom, Dec 15 2011

bleedin_92_20paper by po [calum, Dec 16 2011]

Surely you can also offer a line of inkjet printer cartridge refills as well?
-- pocmloc, Dec 15 2011


Dried blood laser printer toner … ?
-- 8th of 7, Dec 15 2011

Ooooooh, I thought you meant a ballpoint pen, with a leech-chain attachment at the end that leads to your arm. Infinite ink for Mephistophelean contractors, namely, the Existential Contract Lawyers...
-- theleopard, Dec 15 2011

Hang on hang on hang on. We are missing a key legal nicety here. From the point of view of the Statutes Diabolickal, it matters not how the text of the contract is written - no, it can be carved in rock, typewritten, scrawled in mauve crayon, whatever - but it must be *executed* haemographically. Therefore, alas, the bloody typewriter ribbon presented here, while capable of producing documents with an appropriate appearance, will not alllow you to create a contract binding under Hadean law. Yes, for the contact to be so binding, you will need to make use of theleopard's proposed leech-chain.
-- calum, Dec 15 2011

I'mma post it...

(but bun this regardless)
-- theleopard, Dec 15 2011

Better to type on still-living skin, with no ribbon at all. The letters will be a nice purplish bruise color.

Or use Kafka's Apparatus.
-- mouseposture, Dec 16 2011

[+] and another one pending [8/7]'s post.
-- FlyingToaster, Dec 16 2011

Zen T - it's excellent, but I was certain I had come across it as an idea before (this of course happens and isn't meant as a criticism) Was it not on the Bakery at one time? Not bothered to look, and here's the morning croissant to enjoy [+]
-- xenzag, Dec 16 2011

[+], but forget not the flatbed plotter with royal and commoner inkwells.
-- nineteenthly, Dec 18 2011

random, halfbakery