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Food: Meat
doner und blitzen   (+5, -1)  [vote for, against]
terrorist attack armour for kebabs

following warnings from MI5 that the food industry "may present an attractive target for terrorists" it seems to me that our doner kebab meat is looking mighty vulnerable. the “column” of meat standing in the corner of kebab houses and chipshops everywhere are a potential target for chemical and biological attacks.

a terrorist with a blowdart of something nasty could probably hit his target unnoticed whilst standing looking innocently waiting for a bag of chips.

I propose housing the meat in one of those laboratory radioactive-proof type boxes with the glass front & the little portholes. the kebab operative thrusts his hands into the gloves and slices the glistening, hot, herbilicious smelling, fat-dripping (mmm) meat with those new-fangled australian electric kebab slicers, that look like sheep shears, and dropping the foot-long snakey slivers straight into a pitta pocket waiting below. Yum!

come to think of it, it is probably much more hygienic anyway
-- po, Oct 18 2003

(?) The Elephant Leg http://www.turkey.o...mages/cuisine22.jpg
[calum, Oct 04 2004]

Tell me more about this 'doner' bit, especially. What does it mean... how do you pronounce it? It looks very much like the word "donair" with which I am familiar.
-- waugsqueke, Oct 18 2003

Pronunciation varies from region to region, SE England being "donnah" NW Scotland being "dohn-air." Median is "Donner" as in Richard. I heard that the "doner" part of the name comes from the Turkish for "to rotate" which would fit with the spinning elephant leg aspect of most doner providers' kitchens. Whether this is true or not doesn't matter, it's what I tell people.

I think, though, that the main biological threat associated with kebabs is whatever nasty blackish matter lurks 'neath the yellowing fingernails of kebabaristas, as I believe they aren't called. Adding a rubber gloves requirement, especially if it is combined with mandatory labcoats and safety goggles for servers, is deffo a good thing.
-- calum, Oct 18 2003

Yep, that's a donair alright. Now I know where the word originated. In Eastern Canada they pronounce 'donair' the same as NW Scotland says 'doner'. Thanks calum.
-- waugsqueke, Oct 18 2003

You could have the kebobs move around a random. It's always harder to hit a moving target.
-- phoenix, Oct 18 2003

hippo's dodgy kebobs?
-- po, Oct 18 2003

That should diskebobulate the fiends!
-- egbert, Oct 18 2003

sp: discombobulate (I think) <grin>
-- po, Oct 18 2003

Perhaps he meant diskebabulate, or even shishkebabulate!
-- Helium, Oct 18 2003

Whatever po's having, I want some.
-- RayfordSteele, Oct 18 2003

"hippo's dodgy kebobs?"
No worse than "Elephant Leg".
-- phoenix, Oct 19 2003

ever the gentleman, UB.
-- po, Oct 19 2003

-- Helium, Oct 19 2003

"donner and blitzen" is German for "thunder and lightning". Who knew Santa gave his reindeer such cool names?
-- lawpoop, Oct 19 2003

[ub] don't need to change countries, within Melbourne, Australia can get donna kebabs (or just kebabs, shwarmas, giros and souvlakis that are essentially the same thing.
-- PiledHigherandDeeper, Oct 19 2003

[lawpoop] Santa didn't name his reindeer, Clement Clarke Moore did (or Major Henry Livingstone Jr. depending on your view) and then Disney got it's sticky sickly-sweet hands on the poem and popularised it using an insect.

The REAL Father Christmas (pre-disney) who used to fill my stocking just had reindeer (and none of them had a red nose).

And here in Germany they pronounce donner , derner (and spell it döner), have no chillie sauce but have tzatsiki instead.
-- squeak, Oct 20 2003

what are blintzes?
-- po, Oct 21 2003

[PiledHigherandDeeper] - you forgot Yeeros!
-- madradish, Oct 21 2003

I don't think it's the terrorists we have to worry about. Those warmed up, cooled down, warmed up, cooled down... chunks of meat are their own WMD factory. A few years ago a minor outbreak of typhoid in south London was traced to a kebab shop in Crystal Palace (long since closed down).
-- Gordon Comstock, Oct 21 2003

actually Doners are the healthiest fast food option. plenty of bacteria alright but they are dead bacteria!
-- po, Oct 21 2003

//Chunks of meat// Define meat.
-- silverstormer, Oct 21 2003

The inside of something animate that was living once. Possibly.

[po] Having witnessed the grease dripping from my elbows whilst eating a kebab, I'm not sure "healthiest" is quite the word you're looking for.
-- Gordon Comstock, Oct 21 2003

Saving the nation's kebabs has always been top priority. I congratulate you, [po] on your forethought and inventiveness, and on behalf of the people of this burg would like to award you The National Meat And Cheeses Safety Medal.

We thank you for your contribution to society. *clapclapclap*
-- k_sra, Oct 21 2003

Why not just feed the kebabs to the terrorists? I'm never much in the mood for killing and maiming the morning after a kebab.
-- wagster, Jan 18 2005

random, halfbakery