Sport: Exercise
facial exercise through language   (+2, -1)  [vote for, against]
stay beautiful by talking to yourelf.

by understanding and exercising our facial muscles, we can keep our faces toned and youthful – it just takes some practice and patience.

every day, look in the mirror and repeat – “mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” if you get a reply, take two aspirin and go have a lie down.

our frontalis muscle runs vertically along our forehead. it raises our eyebrows and helps us frown. say “Roger Moore, Roger Moore” over and over again. this will prevent eyebrow droop and forehead lines. (Roger Rabbit is a viable alternative).

our orbicularis oris is sometimes known as the kissing muscle. it is a circular muscle that closes your mouth and puckers your lips when it contracts. say “push, push” over and over again until you feel quite relaxed and in the mood for a snog.

the buccinators are broad, thin, quadrilateral muscles which are located in the space between the jaws at the side of the face. they are responsible for sucking movements and are very strong in babies. say “sloop, sloop” pronounced sloooop, sloooop with a sharp intake of breath - repeat until you feel “the sloop sloop song” coming on and then pack it in quick, you might have overdone things and we don’t want a strained buccinator, do we?

the risorius muscles vary considerably in size and shape; the action of the risorius muscles is to retract the angle of the mouth and are the ones used in smiling and laughing. a photographer may ask you to say sausages or cheese to encourage a natural smile and they should know; so look in the mirror and say “sausages, sausages” until you realise how silly you look and start laughing – never fails.

there are many more muscles to play with but these are a fine start to your beauty therapy. next week’s lesson involves the depressor labii inferioris.

why are you pouting? I said we will do that next week, promise!
-- po, Dec 28 2003

For every thing... gurn, gurn, gurn... there is a season... gurn, gurn, gurn... [bungston, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

// stay beautiful by talking to yourelf //

can't I talk to yours - she seems more interesting.
-- jonthegeologist, Dec 28 2003

I took your advice for looking younger, and all I got was this stupid straitjacket.
-- Letsbuildafort, Dec 28 2003

now where did I say do it in the shop window?
-- po, Dec 28 2003

I'd much rather kiss, sloop a drink, talk about Roger Moore with a fan or laugh at something funny. Why do I have to do these things alone? Do _your_ eyebrows go up when you say "Roger Moore"?
-- phoenix, Dec 28 2003

no pain - no gain.

RM, its an association thing.
-- po, Dec 28 2003

What do I say for a six-pack and tight buns?
-- FarmerJohn, Dec 28 2003

-- po, Dec 28 2003

Ooh - OOOOoOooh - yes YES! JEZEEZUS-TAPDANCING CHRIST!!! ? Is that what you're supposed to say?
-- Letsbuildafort, Dec 29 2003

(...if it was good)
-- Letsbuildafort, Dec 29 2003

"stay beautiful by talking to yourelf" - so this is all just your excuse to talk to yourself?
-- DrCurry, Dec 29 2003

well I am certainly not going to start gurning for goodness sake. thank you bungston - for the link.
-- po, Dec 29 2003

Gurn back the hands of time?

I was just about to post an idea with that title, but a precursive HB search led me to this, all-too-similar idea.
-- Texticle, Mar 05 2006

nonsense, poppycok, and etc.
-- Bighongry, Oct 08 2007

sp: poppycock
-- po, Oct 08 2007

random, halfbakery