I am a tall person.

[...Dang! I was all ready to post The Relaxative Bar when, after doing my due diligence, it was nearly almost but not quite posted back in 2005 as "BeerLax." Ah well, ah well; sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield 07-10-2013...]

[...Now swinging through the trees like Tarzan with my shiny new fake shoulder, loincloth blowing in the breeze. For the love of all that's holy, DON'T LOOK UP 05-30-2012...]

[...Getting a prosthetic shoulder joint whupped my ass for a while. I'm just now getting back to where I can stand to be on a keyboard for more than brief periods. Woo-Hoo, let the good times roll. 05-01-2011...]


Ideas self-deleted from the Half Bakery so far:

Hormone Based Human Designer Genetic Traits (Have blue eyes next week)

Highway Safety Insult Strips (Slow down speeders or thin the herd)

Plastic Surgery for Ugly Pets (They Might Have Been Cute as Babies, But...) --- This one was already baked so I killed it. Pity...

Two Minute Titanic (Feature Length Film for ADD Sufferers) --- Again, as pointed out by [DrWorm] concept already baked on YouTube. Dang, I had High Hopes for a TeeVee contract here! Shake it off, GROG!

I saw on the news that Japanese scientists created meat from poop. I then put in an idea as "Poop Recipe Book." Seriously, how many people did they envision lining up at that booth at their local county fair? I am teetering on the fence as to whether I'll kill this one myself...


"...There is a beginning. There is a not yet beginning to be a beginning. There is a not yet beginning to be a not yet beginning to be a beginning. There is being. There is nonbeing. There is a not yet beginning to be a nonbeing. There is a not yet beginning to be a not yet beginning to be nonbeing. Suddenly there is nonbeing. But I do not know, when it comes to nonbeing, which is really being and which is nonbeing. Now I have just said something. But I do not know whether what I have said has really said something or whether it hasn't said something..." --- Chuang-Tzu, 4th Century


"...Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo..." --- Infantry Journal


Tip-O-The-Bun to Bob-ette for getting me started thinking about windshields. She was wondering about a wiper that would get the entire front window, and not just a part of it, but it had already been baked. However, it led me to thinking about bug guts, which got me thinking about the Rolling Automotive Window Wash, which got me to thinking about neodymium iron boron magnets, which got me to thinking about a man with a plate in his head pinned hopelessly to the headliner of the car. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.


On "beanangel bait & search kit" --- lacking a P.C. gland as I do sometimes leads to interesting reaction. The truth is I really would like to see beanangel back. I think he is brilliant in a [ <fill in the blank> Savant ] sort of way. Since this forum requires entries to be posted in the form of an idea this kit was the closest I could come up with in the moment. I have been toying with the idea of self-deleting it; but I think I won't because the original impulse was purely innocent. What anyone might have read into it was not, and I won't take responsibility for that. All that said, I am OK with placing the idea in the backwaters of the HB, out of mainstream view. The idea has been sent into the ether! Maybe he'll see it and come back... [later edit]: He DID come back! HAHA! Take THAT, ye naysayers!








[Jun 07 2010, last modified Jul 11 2013]

A Mooniacal Plan (+1)
Absurdification (+6)
Aikido Bungee Ball (+4, -1)
Air Bus! (+1, -2)
Airline Sanitizing Pants (+6, -1)
Airplane Roller Coaster Takeoff (+6)
Alphabetical Supermarket Shelf Stocking System (+2, -1)
Anatomically Correct Elbow Macaroni (+5)
Apple & Android Compatible Tushy Wiping App (+1)
Astronaut Diaper Scalping Service For The Alternative Gendered (+1, -5)
Astronaut Emergency Locator Diapers (+3, -2)
Attack Watch! (+2)
Automatic Staple Remover for Scanner Sheet Feeders (+3)
Bank-Tube-Style Elevator System (+3, -1)
Basement Lake (+3, -2)
beanangel bait & search kit (+10, -1)
Bogeyman Boot Camp (+2, -1)
Bouncy Castle Olympics (+2)
Bouncy Wheelchairs (+4)
Bubble Boy Sports Network (+3)
Bubble Gum Dental Dam (+2)
Bubblewrap New Highways and Roads (+4)
Bug Guts Distribution System (+4)
Cable-Ready Toaster (+2)
Cat o' Nine Det-Cords (+7)
Change Additive in Municipal Water Supplies (+3, -1)
Cockroach Theatre Presents (+5)
Combination Washing Machine and Incinerator (+6)
Commercially Viable Television Coverage for Undead Marathons (+6, -1)
Cowboy Coffee Kit (+4)
Curmudgeon Night School (+6)
Dead Pants Walking (+3)
Defenestration A.I. (+3)
Diaper-Sorb Flood Control Bales (0)
Doggie Lullabies (+3)
Dolphin Suicide Counseling (+8, -1)
Down-Under Dude Ranch & Health Spa (+6, -4)
Drain the Gulf (+4, -5)
Drive In Rollercoaster (+14)
Edible Chastity Belt (+7, -1)
Elective Prostate Relocation Surgery (+2)
Electrostatic Keyboard (+8)
Elmer Fudd Soundtrack (+1)
Emergency Union Suit Underwear (+9, -1)
Enema Cinema (+4, -8)
Fake Upskirt Welcome Mat (+3, -1)
Famous Person Voice Phone Sex Service (+6, -2)
Farts of Darkness (+1)
Fiber Optic Field of Wheat Electrostatic Floor and Ceiling (+8)
Fish Flypaper (+3, -1)
Free Food Gourmet Restaurant (+1)
French Toaster (+6)
Furniture Removal Vacuum Accessory (+10)
Geriatric Power Chair Winter Olympics (+2)
Giant Head House Hill (+9)
Giant Slinky Car (+6)
Gideons Loofah (+4)
Glow in the Dark Breast Implants (+12)
Godzilla Neutron Absorbing Dentures (+4)
Half Bottle Freezer (+3)
Happy Scrubbers Escort Turkish Car Wash Service (+8, -1)
He-Man Wrestling Federation (+4)
Helicopter Retrofit for Commercial Aircraft (0)
Helicopter Shade Service for Heliophobes (+3)
Helium Charged Dog Food (+18, -5)
High Efficiency Incandescent Meat Bulb (+2, -2)
High Speed Commuter Trains for Cars (+3)
High Tech Shopping Carts for Zombies (+4)
Hoarders Without Borders (+4, -1)
Human Flea Warhead for ICBMs (+2, -3)
I Can't Believe It's Not Edgar (+2, -1)
iCATarod Cat Sled Race (+4, -1)
iKittyGroomer (+3)
Improved Appliance Boxes for the Homeless (+5)
Indestructible Inflatable Love Dolls for Superheroes (+2)
Indy Jonas and the Modern Day Underpants of Doom (+3, -4)
Instant Toast2 (+3)
Junk Mail Targeting Recalcitrant Potential Organ Donors (+5, -2)
Jury Duty And... (+7)
Kitty Constipation Kit (+1, -1)
Lapidation At The OK Corral (+5, -5)
Lunar Fatball League (+2, -1)
Magnetic Monopole Monocycle Kit (0)
Make Airplane Masks Truly Useful (+9)
Map Software Pronunciation Helper (+1)
Married Couple Fighting Kit (+2, -6)
Mass Transit Skateboard (+3)
Medical Leech Kit for DIY Phlebotomy (+2)
Mirrored Selfie Steering Wheel With Camera (+3)
Necrophiliacs Anonymous Camp (+4, -5)
New Air Travel Paradigm (-1)
New Olympic Game: Sky Climbing (+2, -1)
Nigerian Scammer Fortune Cookies (+21)
No Constellations (+2, -1)
Nuclear Powered Bicycle Seat and Handlebar Heater (+3, -1)
Nudie Man (+7)
One Man Boxing (+4, -1)
Online Twerking Academe for the Chronically Inept (0)
Perfect Memory Recall (+6)
Personal Protection Toaster Drone (+1)
Plasma Globe Hubcaps (+2)
Prego-Putter (+6)
Preserve Our History (+2, -1)
Punk Pause Picture (+1)
Retire First, Then Work Until You Die (+8, -7)
Rock Toaster (+3)
Rocket Moon Shuttle to Mars (0)
Rolling Automotive Window Wash (+1)
Roomba Bowling (+6)
Saggy Trousers Underpants Advertizing (+8, -1)
Scissor Lift Wheelchair (+3)
Self Defense Catheter (+1, -4)
Senior Lift Chair Olympics (+4)
Sens-O-Shelf Kitchen Inventory System (+3)
Seven Stages of Grief Tow-Away Alarm (+15)
Shark Repellent Airline Seats (+7, -1)
Side Scanning (Radar/X Ray) Hazard Detection Hat (+5, -1)
Silent Vuvuzela Dog Repellent Whistle (+5)
Smart(ass) Phone (0)
Snow Baler (+21)
Sock Pocket Pants (+6)
Spontaneous Human Combustion Extinguishing Hat (+4)
Steampunk Hospital (+4)
Steering For The Masses! (+2, -1)
Stevedore Voice Changer for Babies (+6, -1)
Tar Pits Franchise (+8)
TENS Unit Condom (+3)
TENS Unit Suit (+12)
The Kitty Olympics (+3, -3)
Thermite Party Favors for Blacksmiths (+9)
Third World Laundromat (+2, -5)
Toilet for Hot Air Balloons (+4)
Toilet Seat-O-Matic (+6)
Toilet Targeting Training Pinball Game for Guys (0)
Translated-Retranslated Movie Soundtrack (+6, -1)
Trojan Bad Doggie Prank (+4)
Turn Signal Music Synchro (-1)
Urophagist Bar (+1, -3)
Using Municipal Waste Water System as a Civet Cat (+6)
Vary Earth Orbit to Accomodate "Climate Change" (+3)
Velcro Boxing Gloves (+3, -1)
Vertical House for Habitual Mountain Climbers (+13)
Vestigial Tail Spotting Spectacles (+2)
Vestigial Tail Underpants (+7)
Viagra Falls Senior Honeymoon Resort (+4, -1)
Vice President (+1)
Visible Panty Line Cord (+5, -1)
Wall'o'Trousers! (+2)
White Robe Ranch (+2)
White Stick Upgrades (+14)
Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged Movie (+2, -1)
Wrinkle-B-Gone Steaming Undergarments (+2)
Zoo Night Watch Security Service (+6)

random, halfbakery