Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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notripe

...just the usual waster - London - slight return iamsmoking@hotmail.com

Animal Olympics Of Death [edit, delete] Blood sports that you can play at home (for fun) or in reality (for money) (-19, +6) [vote for,against]

Requires two opponents and an adjudicator. Player 1 picks his champion(s) ie A hump back whale. Player 2 then picks a suitable opponent ie 3000 grey squirrels. The adjuducator first decides if its a vaguely fair fight and adjusts accordingly (if player 2 had picked 2000 polar bears it would obviously not be) then picks a suitable venue - ie an olympic sized swimming pool with a small overhanging tree (possibly a weeping willow). The animals are then left (or goaded) to fight to the death. This can sometimes take a while, but bear in mind as the idea gains popularity owners would breed champions with killer instincts. Contests that have worked well in the past are a crab vs a chicken (home and away matches - a coop and a rock pool) 4 baboons vs 24 ferrets and a rat (relatively smaller animals can be used for 'weighting' the contest) 2 fresh water crocodiles vs a llama, a camel and a pair of eagles.(in my front room) For more advanced players, you can introduce tools, weapons and even states of mind. For instance 2 seal pups with a hand grenade can do a killer whale if they take a jihad approach (and a little setting up). I feel that some countries will be ahead of others at introducing the game to TV audiences, but I like to imagine it could become the world sporting event of our grandchildren's time, rather than just a saturday afternoon pursuit in a backyard in the thames valley. notripe, Dec 08 2001 Pokemon http://www.pokemon.com/[RonHamel, delete][link] Name:

Category:

Summary: Description:

oye face ache - are you mad? po, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Misnamed, possibly; shouldn't be "NOtripe"... StarChaser, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Err..um..no! DrBob, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

I know it's difficult to get past the moral aspects and having read the rules after posting I find it could be construed as haha X, but the trick is to get beyond your initial disquiet and feel the strategy and harmony required in the matching of equals. Now where would we all be if the Victorian attitude to showing your knees had prevailed eh? notripe, Dec 08 2001 [edit, delete]

I was up for this until I realised it was NOT a computer game.

most of us here love life in all its varied forms. (except fish apparently). po, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

No trick to this, it's just dumb. StarChaser, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

There's nothing to recommend blood sports (In my opinion) whether the contestants provide a good match or not. Might make a good cartoon series though. DrBob, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

On a foray to Bass Lake when I was about 11...Our tailed human - Freckles - was investigating the netherregions of the Forest when we heard and felt a rumbling the likes of which we had never imagined. Freckles came running back towards us and perhaps saved our sanity by veering left a few degrees... He was being chased by hundreds of squirrels. He came back a bit later with the most interesting look on his face - as if to say "I need a beer" thumbwax, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

I'll put my six Jack Russells up against anything...but fishbone for the idea anyhow..... Susen, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

[notripe], spectacularly stupid idea. Did your parents keep you tied up in a cardboard box, under a bed, in a flea-infested tenement, above a crack house, in a bad neighbourhood, for much of your life for you to dream up this crap? UnaBubba, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

flea infested crack ho I may be, but I'd still be a good match for those 6 jack russells (in th olympic sized swimming pool armed with two fishbones) notripe, Dec 08 2001 [edit, delete]

I see notripe is just the usual London waster with a toothache. thumbwax, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

...and an odd sense of humor. phoenix, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

blood, choler, phlegm or melancholy? po, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Wow! A n00b who can take UB's insults and not scream "You all suck. Go to hell." at halfbakers everywhere. Haven't seen one of those in a long, long time...

Still, the idea is... umm.... how do I put this? Weird as a David Lynch film? And scarier than rock climbing with no rope at gunpoint. Have another fishbone to take on Susen's dogs with. My money's on the ex-England wicketkeeper's namesakes. CoolerKing, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Aren't you a little late with your toothache? Everyone else here had it a week or so ago. Rods Tiger, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Your name's wrong. This *is* tripe. PeterSealy, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

Good to see I bring out the best in people. UnaBubba, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

You said you'd like to be put up against 6 dogs did you? Well if he's willing to take part in his own sick idea...let it begin AND end with him...(or her, if it may be the case)... jimithing, Dec 08 2001 [delete]

I think that [notripe] has passion and a plucky spirit. I also can't stop laughing.

Perhaps I should have stopped with that second Scotch ... 1percent, Dec 09 2001 [delete]

[Marked-for-deletion]

How about we just let this lameass 'idea' die? StarChaser, Dec 09 2001 [delete]

Funny, I read the name as "not ripe"....

three weeks ago, the Jacks cornered and killed a large coyote....amazing fight to watch.....I'm just not interested in having animals fight that don't want to do so on their own.

Croissant for StarChaser's idea above.... Susen, Dec 09 2001 [delete]

// Contests that have worked well in the past are a crab vs a chicken (home and away matches - a coop and a rock pool) 4 baboons vs 24 ferrets and a rat (relatively smaller animals can be used for 'weighting' the contest) 2 fresh water crocodiles vs a llama, a camel and a pair of eagles.(in my front room)//

Does this mean you have actually arranged and observed these contests with real animals? I think you must be off your meds. Mephista, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

baked in the form of rooster vs. rooster, which is illegal everywhere, and human vs. bull, which ought to be illegal everywhere. fishbone for you. JakePatterson, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

[marked-for-a-kick-up-the-ass]. I hope your toothache hurts. angel, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

Also baked in the form of wolves against sheep (with optional dog), lion against wildebeest, piranhas against cow, wasp against caterpillar, etc. Making animals live in peace and harmony (lion lying down with the lamb) would be far more original. Half of all wildlife programs are just animal vs. animal bloodsport, and now with Walking With Beasts & Dinosaurs, we can watch imaginary animals fight also. pottedstu, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

I expected a bit more from you lot, I was actually looking for some good matches to help the contests along and all I've got is a marked for deletion. How can the event ever grow if nobody hones the rules. Triple jump is a spectacularly stupid sport as is American football as is fishing all of which could do with some new rules. Alright then, if you're all animal loving pacifists..... How about the animals just arm wrestle instead of fighting to the death - may take more training though and isn't it more cruel to curb an animals survival instincts than to let them run wild?

Give it a chance to breath - who knows what may happen? 2 wasps vs a bee and an earwig. A moth and a hamster vs a pigeon. A sheep against a cow (that'd be exciting) A herd of sheep against a herd of cows (better) A starfish vs a leech a swarm of plankton in a barrel of water vs a moose A lion against a mouse and a thorn

my toothache's better now thanks - but I think my ear may be about to start hurting. notripe, Dec 10 2001 [edit, delete]

How about you against a wall and a firing squad? UnaBubba, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

Hey, let's put a herd of cows and a herd of sheep in a boxing ring, and see what happens. Hey! They're trying to eat the ropes. Now they're shitting. Now they appear to be asleep. Unless you have a way to make wasps fight earwigs, rather than just buzz around a bit and die of starvation, I'd have to say this is just a little bit WIBNIish (well, Horrible not Nice). pottedstu, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

Good point pottedstu , how do u get these animals to fight? answer me. GeorgeTheRobin, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

This idea is:

[ ] Silly[ ] Offensive[ ] Stupid[x] All of the above waugsqueke, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

This idea is:[ ] A possibly mind-blowing video game.[ ] A new role-play craze sweeping middle earth.[x] Not idea -- real! I hear the soundtrack playing now.[ ] Marked up as a screen saver I'd watch. reensure, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

This idea makes me want to:[ ] Puke[ ] Retch[ ] Join PETA[x] All of the above arghblah, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

Ooh! I like this new multiple choice idea-trashing trend! Nice work above. snarfyguy, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

Put the animals into giant, Japanese animation style mech-warrior armor and I think you might be on to something. PotatoStew, Dec 10 2001 [delete]

And tonight at the arena of death, it's the barnacles versus the sea anemones. It looks like they're going to go the distance. pottedstu, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

I reckon if you can get a dog to roll over for no reason or offer it's paw for a treat, you can get it to have a crack at scrapping with say, 13 voles, a dragonfly and a sloth (if the dog was a largish golden labrador). A sea anemome and some barnicles would require some degree of purpose breeding and nurturing of killer instinct. Me and a firing squad would be vetoed by the adjudicator unless I had a couple of hyenas on my side and the firing squad (6 of em right?) had spud guns. And the mulitple choice thing is cool, you could give points like ice skating (err I think) for :

[7] Technical difficulty

[ ] Artistic interpretation (havent done this one so couldn't tell you]

[5] Vigor

[8] Entertainment value

These scores would obviously be for a contest between a family (mom dad kid) of elephants vs 17 golden eagles each with a hedgehog on its back and 2 portugese man o wars on the seashore at night.

Introducing Japanese armour is fine as long as the contests are even handed. The Arena of Death could be the title of the TV show. Thanks. notripe, Dec 11 2001 [edit, delete]

Why do I keep coming back to this idea? It gets stranger every time. And I'm beginning to think someone should anonymously tip-off the RSPCA about notripe. Somewhere near London you say? CoolerKing, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

you can lead a cat to water, but you can't make it want to drown itself.The fundamental difficulty remains - how are you going to make these combinations of animals want to become aggressive towards each other? Although, your example of yourself and hyenas against the half-armed firing squad is quite good. The firing squad could half shoot you, half hit you with the spud guns (whatever they are), and the hyenas could laugh long and hard, on behalf of the rest of us 'bakers. Now, [notripe] go away and kill ants with a magnifying glass and the sun, or something less taxing. lewisgirl, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

Troll threshhold has been reached. waugsqueke, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

You're just not getting it are you? Look, the idea is in Culture : Game and the challenge is in the levelling. Killing ants with a magnifying glass and the sun is WILDLY one sided and very very unfair. Now if you had the sun and a magnifying glass and the ants had 5000 bothers and sisters but you started the match staked out in a desert but just able to raise the one hand that held the magnifying glass slightly then it would work. do you see? notripe, Dec 11 2001 [edit, delete]

nope, I don't. You've inspired me to use another filter on my Recent page though... thanks! lewisgirl, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

[marked-for-deletion] Troll with mild psychotic tendencies. CoolerKing, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

As a theoretical exercise, this is an OK idea. Gets you thinking about how animals' defensive and offensive abilities "stack up." Challenges thinking about matters of scale, etc.But, if it were actually played out, involving real animals being tortured and killed, then it is way past the border of civility. Rather harkens to megalomaniacal acts of excessive cruelty that we read about in history.Unless you make the distinction between theoretical and actual, and clearly position this as theoretical, you're going to continue to rack up fishbones. Quite deservedly so. quarterbaker, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

Even I, of the goose destroying obsessions, find this non-idea disgusting and rubs against me, to the core. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo blissmiss, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

Quarterbaker, are you saying that if this idea is theoretical then you'll vote for it but if it's actual you'll vote against it? well, I suppose that's a start. How do you know the animals wouldn't be up for it? Are you Dr Doolittle? You wouldn't think humans would be gung ho for conflict but many are. So far I've been ripped apart by Jack Russells and shot by a firing squad up against a wall - I'm not taking it personally - go on, give it an doughnut, you know you want to.

What goose destroying was that then? notripe, Dec 11 2001 [edit, delete]

I see a real opportunity for this to take off quickly in Japan and maybe for there to even be a TV show to accompany the sport. While Americans prefer WWF in Japan we much prefer sport involving animals of the furry kind. Mr Notripe have you spoken to any Japanese TV companies? I have many contacts. rubultra, Dec 11 2001 [delete]

etc

[Dec 08 2001, last modified Mar 20 2005]

   
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