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Product: Clock: Display: Analogue
Testicle Clock   (+6, -1)  [vote for, against]
..and the big hand is on the seven...

The Testicle Clock is a derivitave apparatus, in that there is a hidden electronic timing mechanism driving the whole thing but the whole idea is to have an interesting analogue display based on the wedding vegetables.

It works thusly; An electronics pack is worn on a transparent belt, the pack nestling in the small of the back. The pack contains a timing device, batteries and switch relays. From the pack, power leads go out, G-string style, to two little fans, each with a small water atomiser attached. There is one fan / atomiser combination mounted on each inner thigh (transparent garters), pointing at the left and right testicles restectively.

There is thus a method of actively raising (water and wind ON) and passively lowering (water and wind OFF) each testicle independently, and this can be done with a reasonable degree of temporal regularity.

The penis is stretched somewhat, by being attached to a thin metal rod which is pivoted at its proximal end and fixed to a collar around the head of the penis at its distal end.

The rod is moved around to point at the correct 'hour' symbol (which could be on some sort of large fancy Hermes style dial, or could be simply numbers drawn on the torso and legs in ...lipstick) by a discreet gear arrangement driven by a servo activited by each rise and fall of the testes.

I think this would be an excellent display for a jeweller's window.
-- ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 21 2008

Marking time
[normzone, Feb 22 2008]

//wedding vegetables.//

Brussel sprouts?

//The penis is stretched somewhat// Goodness me!
-- skinflaps, Feb 21 2008

That's what those flaps of skin are for, [sk].
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 21 2008

Sounds like one of Robert Maplethorpe's more outre photographs. Pass.
-- DrCurry, Feb 21 2008

An expensive device, broken at the body's first 'inspirational' whim. The act of attaching the device to a person may even prove to be enough 'inspiration' to break the clockwork of such a delicate "augmentation of the delicates".

How often is it Noon where you live?
-- Ayelis, Feb 21 2008

'Noon" here is whenever Keira Knightly is on the DVD, or whenever Mrs Consul SAYS it is noon.
-- ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 22 2008

Do you Fall Forward and Spring Back? I never can remember.
-- Amos Kito, Feb 22 2008

[Farmer John], come back!
-- normzone, Feb 22 2008

[slam open]
[slam shut]
-- jutta, Feb 22 2008

If this was made of a certain kind of hard wood, could it be called: The Hickory Dickery Clock ?
-- xenzag, Feb 22 2008

//an excellent display for a jeweller's window// a family jeweller, perhaps?
-- pertinax, Feb 24 2008

random, halfbakery