Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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FarmerJohn

You can displease some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't displease all of the people all of the time. - Babe Lincoln

If an infinite number of parrots, having been taught the 40 phonemes of the English language, were perched in front of an infinite number of tape recorders for an infinite number of years squawking at random, one would eventually recite the entire works of Shakespeare.

He who gets behind the wheel of a car, risks getting backed over by it.

People who live in grass houses should not mow homes.

God is a dyslexic man's best friend.

Marriage is like a bath; after a while it's not so hot.

A chain letter is only as strong as its weakest reader.

A chain smoker is only as strong as the remaining lung.

A soufflé is not always what the eggs are cracked up to be.

Reality is a fig leaf of my imagination.

It's not easy being a man, keeping up with the Indiana Joneses.

Love may be blind, but there's certainly nothing wrong with the other senses.

Men and women have one thing in common. They are both a different sex.

It's an ill windbreaker that winds up breaking wind, up wind.

If "emas eht" reads the same backwards, is it a palindrome?

Waiting for something good is always a when-when situation.

The early Romans must have had trouble knowing which size XL was.

Naked eye scrutiny of pornography is more arduous with age.

----------------------------------------------------------------

f a r m e r j o h n at t e l i a dot c o m

Simple site with halfbakery illustrations and other artwork:

http://www.geocities.com/farmerjohnnie/index.html

[Feb 28 2002, last modified Aug 29 2005]

   
(+6, -2) 4DW – 4 Driver Wheel Vehicle
(+4, -1) 6 Wheel Drive Tellus Rover
(+14, -1)(+14, -1) 7 Toothpicks
(+8, -1) A Better Stick
(+2, -1) A Bit of Laughter
(+17, -1)(+17, -1) A Blackening Book
(+23, -6)(+23, -6) A car fireplace
(+2, -1) A Dozen Cups of Eggs
(+3, -1) A Handsthree
(+6) A Maze, Me
(+2, -1) A Mazing Queue’s Amusing
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 Alien ID Card
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 Animal Accessory Fashion
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 Being Blown by the Wind
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 Blister Pack Rip Cord
 Blitz Barbeque
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 Blown-up Bag-in-the-Box Bottom Bag
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 Booger-Imprinted Tissues
(+2, -1) Boot-Mounted Bowling Ball Blunderbuss
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(+7, -2) Candle Extinguisher
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(+4, -2) Carol of the Croissant
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(+5, -6) Chapter 11 for Novels
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 Chop Bot
 Chopper Stroller
 Christmas Chlock
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(+1) Christmas Eve’s Halfbaked Apple Croissant
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 Climbing Stairs
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 Cotton Candy Toilet Bowl
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 CPR Sex Doll
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(+1) Cutting Edge Rolling Pin
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(+8, -1) “Dad, what’s a hubcap?”
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 Dating Polyhedra
(+2) Dead Grandfather Clock
(+16, -1)(+16, -1) Dentist office sign language chart
 Dentoscope
(+3, -1) Dessert Mold Kit
(+6, -2) Dewey, My Kitchen Drill
(+2, -1) Diaper Dipstick
(+1) Die-Dye
 Digipants
 Digits on Digits
(+3) Dine-Dance
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(-1) Disconnect the Dots
(+7) Display Screen Door
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(+11)(+11) dn ap!s s!y+
 DNA Collection from Blood Suckers
 Do It Your Elf
(+1, -5) Do-it-yourself Duds
(+4, -1) Do It Yourself Lip Lift
(+4) Dog Pants
(+1) Dolittle Doors
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 Double-Hung Hammock
(+8)(+8) Double Rubber Gloved Muff Mug
(+2) Dressing Puzzled People
 Drop Inn
 Drunken Sailor Pants
(+2) Dry Ice Igloo Blocks
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(+1) Ducted Duvet
(+3, -2) Dung Beetles on the Ball
(+2) E-Paper Money
 E-sops Fables
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 Ear-Conditioning
(+1) Ear Lobe Botany
(+1) Earwings
(+3) Eary Dialogue
 Easy as Pie Server
(+1) Edible Canvas
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 Egg-Coloring Eggcup
 Egg Yoke
 Eggsploder
(+4, -1) Electromechanical Shave Slave
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(+2, -1) Elevator Doors – Opening a 21st Century Industrial Revolution
(+12, -4)(+12, -4) Embroidered Macho Glove
 Empathetic Epaulets
(+12)(+12) Endless Puzzle
(+8, -1) Escalifter
(+1) Exercise Unicycle
(+12)(+12) Exfoliation Drain
(+2) Exploding Inverting Cube Clock
(+2, -1) Extreme Refrigerator Magnets
 EZ Curling at Home
(+3, -1) EZ Tree
(+4) Fabric Fold-out Ladder
 Faces Behind the Food
(+12)(+12) Faerie Brassiere
(+17, -1)(+17, -1) Fall Up
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 Fancy Frames
(+8)(+8) Fast Frozen Music
(+4, -1) Feed Your Face, Face Masque
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 Fiddlefone
 Filled Franks
(+6) Fine Tines
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(+1) Fingerprint Photofinish ID Photos
(+6, -2) Fishbowl Diving
(+6, -4) Fit/Fat Finder-Outer
 Flag-Festooned Drinking Straw
(+1) Flashwear
(+3) Flat Fan
(+2) Flatten Your Head
(+2) Flattening the Earth
(+1) Flippin’, Flappin’, Tidy, Floor Tiles
 Floating Books
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(+1) Fluff-Stuffed Egg
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 Foam Dome
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(+4) Fold-Out Furniture
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(+2, -1) Foot-Filliping Flagellation Facilitator
(+5, -6) Forehortened Ilhouette Ole
(+7, -1) Four-Legged Skirt
(+2) Fractal Clock
(+11)(+11) Fractal Cup
(+7, -1) Fridge Electromagnets
 Front Hear Mirrors
(+6) Frontview Mirror
(+11, -1)(+11, -1) Frozen Hydrogen Bubble Mushroom
(+2) Galloping Bunk Beds
(+11)(+11) Garage door mounted TV for the horizontal bifocal-wearing nearsighted
(+5) Garden Swing Wheeler
(+3) Gear for Getting a Grip on Yourself
(+1) Geek Watch
 Giant Paper Airplane
(+3, -4) Glasses-Cleaning Cap
(+1) Global Positioning Schnozzle
(+2, -3) Goes not without Sayings
(+4, -1) Good Clean Fun
(+4) Gravity-powered Pedestal Stool
(+1) Green Land
(+6) Guinnessland
(+2) Gyro Stilettos
(+2) Gyro-Stroboscope Bubble Watch
(+1) Gyroscope Dumbbells
(+3) H2O’Clock
(+2, -1) Hair Care Cam
(+4) Hair Kites
 Hair-Raising Visor
(+2) Hair Whippersnapper
(+1) Half a Pair of Scissors on a Ruler
(+8)(+8) Half Baker – Half Toaster
(+1) Hand Gun
(+3) Handicraft Gloves
(+4, -1) Hands-free Ballroom Dancing
 Handy Fork
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(+1) Heads up Gyro Wig
(+4) Hearing Aids for the Tone Deaf
(+15)(+15) Heavenly Helium Hands
(+3, -1) Helix Croissant Loaf
(+1) “Hello, this is Glub Blub.”
 Helmeter
(+3) Here's Looking at You
(+5) Hieroglyph Coloring Scroll
 High Occupancy Vehicle Lane Dog Mask
(+7) High Toes
 Hit Melody
(+10, -5) Hitting the Head on the Nail
(+13, -1)(+13, -1) HO, HO, HO
 Hocquet
 Home Body Part Extender
(+4, -5) Home Exchange with Homeless
(+14)(+14) Home Slippery Home
 Homicide Body Outline Break Dance and Sex Aid
(+1) Hood-Ornamented ’Hood Park
 Hopping Chopping Block
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(+1, -4) Hot wings foil airfoil
(+20, -1)(+20, -1) Hourglass Salt Dispenser
(+1) Hover Hat
 How to Down a Pillow
(+10, -1)(+10, -1) How to Draw: building blocks
 Hygienic Heinie Wipes
 HyperHoover
(+1) I Left My Duracell in San Francisco
(+6, -1) Ice Straw
(+1) Icicle Skeleton
(+9, -2) Idea Dough Garage Swap
(+18, -2)(+18, -2) In-between Letters Letters
(+1) Incandescent Light Balloon
(+2) Indifferent Game
(+1) Indoors Wind Chime Doorbell
(+3, -1) Inflatable Umbrella
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(+5, -2) Ink Blots on Poles
(+5, -2) Interspecies Sports Reporting
(+5) Invading Space Marshmallows
(+10, -1)(+10, -1) Iridescent Hair
(+6, -2) Iron-Mouse
(+1) Iron Tea Kettle
(+2) Ironing Waffles Nonstop
(+9, -3) It rings, leave rungs!
(+3) It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a flag!
(+41, -1)(+41, -1)(+41, -1) It’s a Small World
(+3, -1) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Green, Red and Black Tattoo Dot
(+1) Jack out of the Box
(+5, -1) Jeopardy Dating
(+1) Jig-Playing Jigsaw
(+25, -2)(+25, -2)(+25, -2) Job Titles for Jobless
 Ju-Ice
 Juicy Jaws
(+14, -1)(+14, -1) Juttiza, the Halfbaked Therapist
(+12)(+12) K9 Kap
(+1) Kaleidoklock
(+7) Ketchup Centrifuge
 Kids Having Fits
(+1) Kite Wear
(+75, -5)(+75, -5)(+75, -5) Knowing when it’s half full or empty
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(+5) Larval Locomotion
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(+7, -1) Lava Glass
(+10, -4) Letter Line Editor
 Lever Lift
(+9, -2) Life-size Acupuncture Voodoo Doll
 Light-Footed
(+2) Light Plotter
(+2) Lighter than Air Sausage with Strings Attached
 Limbs under Limbs
 Limo Kit
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 Litter Bug
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 Lobe Lobbers
(+3) LocoMotion
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(+1) Loose Teeth Make the Cut
(+9, -3) Loser Lottery
(+5, -2) Love Loops
(+6, -3) Lumberjack Motorbike
(+11)(+11) m-Escher-ing time
(+1) Magic Fingers Folding Rods
(+6) Magnetic, Digital Clock with Balls
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(+7, -4) Magnetically Managed Speeders
(+1) Mail-Mittened Microwave
(+1) Make-a-Face Mask
(+12, -2)(+12, -2) Make Fortune Giving Away Fortunes
(+6, -1) Make Waves Cap
(+3) Make Your Own Booble Wrap
(+11, -1)(+11, -1) Masqueraid
(+5, -2) Mastectomy Breast Patch for Nudists
(+1) Matchbox Lighter
(+1) Mattress Crawling
(+1) Maze Mice Make Macramé
 Measuring Wire
(+8)(+8) Melodic Kettle Whistler
(+5, -1) Melodies of Movement
(+10, -1)(+10, -1) Memorial Museum of Extinct Animal Names
(+2) Mexican-Waving Newton’s Balls
(+6) Micro Acid Branding
(+14)(+14) Micro Fireplace
(+3, -2) Military Disappearing Act
(+2) Million Dollar Smile for $29.95
(+5, -2) Mite Makes Fright
(+16, -1)(+16, -1) Mixing Ball
 Mobile Masseuse
(+1) Modeling in Elevator Shoes
(+5) Modesty Nude Scene Drama Correspondence Course
 Moiré Hair
 Moldy History
(+4, -3) Mom's
(+7, -2) Monobra
(-3) Monster Mammal Motivator
(+1) Motor Coaster
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(+1) Mouse Moving Pictures
(+14)(+14) Mouse Riding
 Moussage
(+3) Movie Jigsaw
(+2) MovieMosaic
(+4, -3) Mucus Modification
(+1) Muff Mittens
(+2) nds!pa pomus
(+4) Near-Nano Energy Generation
(+11, -3)(+11, -3) Necktie Knot’s a Naughty Noggin
 Neon-Numbered Timepiece
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(+2) Newton’s Clock
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 Nimble Finger Man
(+3) Nitinol Corkhook
 No Net Loss
(+3) Nostril Extender
(+9)(+9) Not another friggin’ clock?
(+18)(+18) Not your garden variety garden hose
 O2 Bubble Beverage
 On the Rocks Band
 on4e
(+15, -1)(+15, -1) One and Two Half Pants
(+6, -2) One Day Movie Makeover
(+15, -4)(+15, -4) One Page Novel Idea
(+1) Ooze Shoes
(+8)(+8) Orb-it
(+2) Orthopter
 Our Glass
(+1) Our Glass, Ferrofluid Timepiece
(+2, -1) Outlaw Murphy's Laws
(+1) Outside the Envelope is More than Inside
 Pac-Mania
(+1) Packing Peanut Chip Chime
 Paddlewheel Soup Spoon
(+5) Paint-by-the-Numbers Silhouette Target
 Palindrome Clock
(+9)(+9) Palindrome Song
 Parabungee
 Passive-Personal Trainer
 Pasta Pruner
 Paste Pills
 PC Pillow Talk
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(+3) Pedal-Powered, Precession, One Man Merry-Go-Round
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 Pedi-Rockers
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(+11)(+11) Penal Loveseat
(+3) Penile Partner
(+1) Phone Calls for Dummies
(+5) Pill Necklace
(+2) Pillow Printer
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 Plumage-Packed PJs
(+1) Pogo-Powered, Gyro-Stabilized, Single-Wheeled Machina Transporta
 Pole Stroll
 Poly-Pool
(+7) Polymorphic Comics
(+8)(+8) Pop-Peas
 Porno Puppets
(+2) Portable Door Lock
(+24)(+24)(+24) Portable Place Pointer
(+3) Portable Shower Acoustics
(+3) Post-it® Pen
(+11)(+11) Posterior Painting
(+4) Potted Plant Pot Pop-in
(+1) Power Swing
(+3) Pre-Pressed, Party Tabletop
(+1) Premeditated Misspelling
(+5) Pringles Pants
(+1) Profiles in 3D
(+2) Projectile Pie
(+2) Punk Fringe
(+2) Push/Pull Pictogram
(+6) Puzzling Time
(+3, -2) Pyramid Perching
 Quad Cups
(-1) Quad-Directional Rocking Sofa
(+1, -6)(+1, -6) Quality Quickie
(+4, -1) Queue Ball
(+2, -1) Rabbit Ear Deterrent
(+3, -2) Rabbit Racer
 Radarange Revisited
(+1) Raft Labyrinth
(+14)(+14) Rain Door
(+2, -1) Raised in a Squirrel Cage
(+10, -4) Rappin’ Call Attendant
(+5, -1) Rat-catching Cat-apult
 Reincarnation Registration
 Revolving Door Rotary
(+3) Revolving Door Tori
(+6, -1) Riding the Bubblemobile in High-Heeled Skates
(+10)(+10) River Trees
(+5, -2) Robo-Rolling Pin
(+7, -2) Rock 'n' Roll Chair
(+2) Rocker Coaster
 Rocket Locks
(+3) Rocking Clock
 Roller Blade Roller Coaster
(+2) Roller Rope
(+5) Roller Surfer
(+1) Rolling Coasters
(+9, -1)(+9, -1) Roly Poly Cars
 Room Buggy
 Rotting in Hellszydckt
 Roughneck Cocktail Decorations
 Row, row, row with your boots
 Rubber Baby Bumper Cars
(+4) Rube Cube
(+17)(+17) Run in Place Race
(+8, -1) S.S. Sassafras
(+5, -1) Samurai Penknife
(+1) Sani-fingers
 Sausage Link Condom
(+26, -3)(+26, -3)(+26, -3) Sayings of Confusion
 Scarab Circus
(+3) Schizo Swivel Mask
(+4, -1) Scife
(+13, -1)(+13, -1) Scoot Boots
 Scout Boots
 Scrape-A-Sketch
(+7, -1) Scrolling Trouser Legs
(+11)(+11) Scrub-a-Dub Spud Gloves
(+10)(+10) Sculpt by the Numbers
 See Sedans Dance
(+2) See the Light
 Seesaw Send Off
 SegSchute
(+4, -1) Segway Flagpole
 Seismic Sketch
 Self-Refilling Vase
(+8, -2) Shadow Soles
(+3, -4) Shari’a Voodoo Doll Kit
(+2) Shearware
(+4) Shifting Silhouettes
(+4) Ship in (and out of) a Klein Bottle
(+20)(+20)(+20) +shirt
 Shoe Tie Don’t Bother Me
(+3, -2) Shop Shooter
 Shorts-Skirt-Shoulder Bag
 Shoulder Shrugger Strap
(+2, -5) Show-up comedian
(+8, -4) Shrinking Jar
 Side Arm, Support Arm
(+5, -1) Sidewalk Schools
 Sign in Tongues
(+6) Signal Shirts
(+1) Silicon Mail
(+4) Sim-Halfbakery
(+4) Single Stair Escalator
(+9, -3) Sit on Me
(+4, -1) sit & shit pants lit
 Six-in-One Chair
(+1) Skate Trike
(+5, -3) Skip Thong
 Skull Spine Serpent
(+5, -1) Sleeve Puppets
 Sliding Staircase
(+1) Slipshoes
(+3, -2) Sloth Locks
 Slugged in the Face Spa
(+4) Smart, Dumbbell Extender
 Smelling Nose Dog
(+4, -6) Snow Cream
(+16, -3)(+16, -3) Snow Globe-Tipped Vibrator
(+1) Snow Plates
 Soap Shoe Surfin’
(+11)(+11) Sock Clock Ceiling Fan
(+3) soda sCO2ur power
(+3) Soixante Neuf Snorkel
(+1) Solar Ball
(+4) Soondial
(+1) Soupspoon Theater
 Space Skating Dave
(+7) Speed Reading between the Lines
(-8)(-8) Spelling Simplified
(+8, -2) Spilt Milk Cry Line
(+7) Spinning Bowl Swimming Pool
(+4, -1) Spiral Needle Sewing Machine
(+5) Sportier Sports
(+1) Spray on Shades
(+6, -1) Spring Bolt
(+10, -4) Spring Spoon
 Spring Wear
(+2) Square Balls
 Squirt Shoes
(+18, -2)(+18, -2) Stained Glass Wingdows
(+12)(+12) Standing Tall Tea Kettle
(+2) Standup Driving
(+6) Steamy Notes
(+12)(+12) Step by Step Escalation
 Stepping Out
 Stick-on Stiletto Strip
 Straight Line of Sight
(+6, -1) Straight Swinging
(+4, -1) Strangler Figs and Other Crap Houseplants
(+6, -3) Streamlined Balls
(+2) Street Sculpture
 Striped Street Stripes
(+11, -6) Stuffed Road Kill Doll
(+11, -3)(+11, -3) Stuffed Spaghetti
(+11, -3)(+11, -3) Super Saturn Earrings
(+4) Super Shirt
(+10, -3) Sure Cure for Baldness
(+1) SUV Motorcycle
(+3, -1) Swing Low City Chariot
(+4) Swinging Balls Pendulum Clock
(+3) Symmetric Teapot
(+1, -4) Synchronized Holidays and Anniversaries
 Tabletop Pop Pot
 Tabloid-Inspired Fairytales
(+4, -1) Tackling Your Aquarium
(+7) Tactile Puzzles
 Take a Hike Microwave
(+1) Targeted Toast
 Taste Buddy
 Tear and Wear Condominimums
(+6, -3) Tectonic Plate Pulling Power
(+13, -3)(+13, -3) Teenager Muting Ninja Gnomes
 Tele-Menu-Maze
(+5) Telesack
 Tem-Plates
(+1) Template Timepiece
(+33, -1)(+33, -1)(+33, -1) Terracotta Warrior Gnomes
(+5) The Birth Eve Fridge Door Scrapbook
(+3) The Custard Colored Cat
(+5) The Door Path Beater
(+6, -1) The Evening Calculator
 The Flimflamming Flyswatter
(+24, -9)(+24, -9) The Fractal Cup Bra
 The Hand Tree
(+8)(+8) The Laundry Launcher
(+3) The Mirror I Mist
(+8, -4) The Mother of All Office Workers
(+1) The No-Sweat Band
 The On-Time Steamboat
 The Optimistic Hands-Free Sipper Cup
(+10)(+10) The Photo Booth from Hell
(+10, -3) The Porcelain Pony
(+2, -1) The Sacrificial Hat
(+2) The Squat Fellow Spinning the Slinky Squirrel Cage
(+5) The Swedish Bun Bather
(+1) The Sweet Dreams Pillow Hat
(+6) The Thong Thong
 The Three Puppeteers
(+5, -6) The Toaster That Always Burns
(+8, -4) The ToileTree
(-1) The Wheel of Terror
(+5, -13)(+5, -13) The Wholly New Bible
(+9, -7) Theft Certificate
(-2) Theory of Subjective Size Perception
(+8, -2) Thermochronometer
(+2, -1) Thingamajuggler
(+10)(+10) Thoroughfare Throughway Throttle Thwarter
 Throw Arm Extension
(+1) Time Flying
(+12)(+12) Time-Goes-By Bracelet
(+1) Time Magnification
 Toe Tots
(+2) Toilet Traffic Testicular Titillation
(+2, -1) Tongue Spa
(+4, -1) Tooth Parfait
 Topless Tunnel Train
(+1) Topographical Keyboards
(+5) Trampomill
(+9, -2) Traveling Trampoline
 Treetments
(+11)(+11) Triple-Barreled, Pneumatic, Ball-Dribbling Parabola, Reaction Hovermobile
(+6, -2) Trolley Tails
 Trunk Lid Tie Down Straps
(+4) Tugging, Treading Warriors
(+12, -3)(+12, -3) Tumble Bubble
(+9)(+9) Tumble Lapse Photography
(+4) Tumbled Towels
(+1) Turtle-vee
(+7) Tutu Table
(+4) TV Cook Eatery
(+5, -3) TV without jerks
(+3) Twiddle Dee Thumbs
 Twist & Bark – the doggy shakin’ shower
(+2) Underhanded Type
(+7, -4) Underwear for Software or Hardware
(+3) Untied
(+5) Upside-Down Mobile
(+7, -3) Used Food
 Vacuum Splint, Ski Apparel
(+4, -2) Vanity Mirror
(+1) Vegetable Cookies
(+4) Verminophobia Glove Pocket Pants
(+7) Viewer-Selected Point of View
(+1) Virtual Bioengineering
(+4) Virtual Valet
(+1) Waggle Wagon
(+1) Waking Ducks
(+7) Watch of Many Faces
(+3, -1) Water Bed with the Perfect Wave
(+2) Water Curls
(+2) Water Lantern
(+2) Water Pipe
(+4) Waterfall Skiing
(+5, -4) Wayward Keys
(+1) We’ll Wheel
(+2) Wearable Watering Can
(+1) Webbed Lips
(+3) Well-Heeled Catwalk
(+5) Wet Box Mirror
(+19, -1)(+19, -1) What has snake hands and a cubic face?
(+4, -2) What You Steer Is What You Get
(+1, -2) Wheally Fun Steering
(+2) Wheel-Impelling Propellers
(+5) Wheeled Jack-in-the-Box Scarecrow
(+9)(+9) Wheelloon
(+4) Whoopee Odorant Roll-on
(+7, -2) Win the Beauty with the Beasts
(+4) Wind Pipe
(+1) Window Blades
(+2) Window Dressing
(+2, -1) window dressing
(+1) Wing in Ground Ways
(+16, -3)(+16, -3) Wingmill
(+1) Wiping Windshield
(+8)(+8) World Watch
(+2) Woven Cardboard
(+14, -1)(+14, -1) Wrist Diode-Dial
(+1) Xmas in Azure
(+15, -1)(+15, -1) Yo-yo Head
(+7, -1) Yo-Yoing Yourself
(+20, -4)(+20, -4) Yoda Poetry
(+7, -1) Z-mail
(+3) Zen Ski
(+2) Zeno Boots
(+4) Zoom Moons
 

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