I'm from L.A., but I live in Vancouver, BC. It's a sort of watered-down Seattle, without the crime, congestion, culture, art, excitement, meaning... Well, I'll stop there. And yes, thanks, I'd love some coffee. Right now. Lots of it. (Did I mention how unexciting it is here?)

It's been nice knowing you. In fact, it still is. As time is an illusion, it's hard to say whether we've actually met yet. Perhaps we already will have.

[Jun 28 2000, last modified Jun 17 2023]

21st-Century Fast Food Drive-Through Alternative (+2, -2)
Accordion-Canceling Headphones (+3, -4)
Adjusted Accounting of Drug-Bust Values (+5, -3)
Alarm Clocks That Remind You Why You're Getting Out of Bed (+19, -3)
'Alien' Brand Okra (+5, -2)
Anti-Competitive Sports (+5, -10)
Anti-Dictionary (-1)
Automatic Metallica MP3 CD Distributor (+17, -8)
Automatically Stylish Clothing (+5, -4)
Bar-Coded Menus (+3, -3)
Biblical Mad-Libs (+16, -4)
Bus Benches on Realtors (-1)
Ceiling Fan Accident Quarterly (+9, -4)
Cigarette Air-Bags (+5, -5)
Clapping Lamps (+2, -2)
Code-Displaying CD Player (-1)
Combination Themepark Ghost-Ride and Tanning Salon (+2, -1)
Computer Monitor Screensaver (+3, -1)
Concealed Lightning Rods for Churches (+7, -3)
Crop Circle Cereal (+7, -2)
Divorce Receptions (+15, -2)
Down-Time Clearinghouse (-1)
Drive-Through Heart Bypass Surgery (+5, -5)
Drive-Thru Theaters for Bad Movies (+1, -4)
Easy Self-Identification (-9)
Erasable, Non-Rewritable CDs (+3, -9)
Fully-Clothed Celebrity Sites (+3)
Halfbakery 9¾ (+1, -4)
Halfbakery Lite (0)
Harley Krishnas (+40, -4)
Internet Service Deprivers (ISDs) (+8, -1)
Light-Adjusting Display (0)
Marriage-Saving Halfbakery Shut-Off Device (+5, -4)
Metric Time (+4, -6)
More Specific Antidepressants (+4, -2)
Multiple-Birth Photocopier Store (+17, -1)
Music-Generating Dance Floor (+4)
Mustard Bottles (+3, -3)
Non-Anachronistic Doorbell (0)
Non-Event-Specific Rating Cards (0)
Non-Hypocritical Religion (+9, -7)
Obfuscation Application (+4, -1)
Paintball Hunting (+11, -11)
Player-Piano Broadcasts (+6, -2)
Portable "Wrong!!" Buzzer (+5, -1)
Programmable Ouija (tm) Board (+17, -5)
Real Pillbox Hats (+3, -2)
Relationship-O-Meter (+8, -6)
Resumes For People Who Don't Really Want The Job (+64, -10)
Reverse Lawyers (+3, -6)
Royal Skill-Training Institute (+3)
Self-Cleaning Cat Boxes (+2, -3)
Self-Powered Health Clubs (+41, -6)
Serious Putty (+37, -3)
Skip-De-Cone (-2)
Smart bath fan (+3)
Snore-Canceling Earplugs (+4)
Social Insecurity Cards (+7, -3)
Stereo Stethoscope (+4, -1)
Straight Pride Parades (+35, -20)
Swimming-Babe Screensaver (+9, -3)
Time-Limited Hotsauce (+2, -1)
Traffic Seashells (+6, -3)
Tranquilizer Coffee (+7, -2)
Transparent Windowshades for Exhibitionists (+5, -5)
U-Pick Cattle Ranch (+10, -3)
Virtual Life Simulator (+2)
Wireless Internet Contact Lenses (0)

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