h a l f b a k e r y"It would work, if you can find alternatives to each of the steps involved in this process."
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You walk down a dark alley. You slip past a bouncer bulging with muscles. Inside the bar, there are few lightbulbs, but these are obscured by smoke. In the shadows, cigerettes glow. You lean on the bar and put down a bill. The bartender hands you a glass full of unidentified beer. After an hour or so,
the fight begins. Only licensed actors well-versed in stage combat participate. You scan the room, spotting the men in suits sitting at a large, round table smoking cigars and speaking of men with names like "Tony 'Two-By-Four' Valencio" and "Joey the Dick." In a corner, a man in a coat exchanges packets for money.
And it's all completely fake. Your own clothes--scuffed leather motorcycle club jacket, beat-up jeans, T-shirt with an obscure logo on it, have all been purchased from the bar's website. Your hair has been artfully mussed using a special hairspray. All utterly fake, all utterly safe. Everyone here is roleplaying, be they cubicle slave, supermarket checker, or medical intern.
Want a fight? Come on Inn!
http://www.halfbake..._20Come_20on_20Inn! by Jinbish. "Theme bar where fake fights break out." [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Martial-Arts-Fight-Scene Restaurant
http://www.halfbake...-Scene_20Restaurant By The_Englishman_Abroad. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Some unashamed self-publicity
http://www.halfbake...0And_20A_20McGuffin Where you go to sober up afterwards [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
And the daddy of them all, I'd say
http://www.halfbake.../Film_20Noir_20Home Hell, we could have a whole Hollyworld here [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Drive there in one of these...
http://www.halfbake...aux_20Muscle_20Cars [krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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All completely fake, huh? Utterly safe? |
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I don't suppose I could put on on one of those slinky noirish "Bad Girl Trying to Get Shady Detective to Do Her Bidding" dresses, sidle up to some bad-news character in the bar, and ask him to whack a certain high-profile government official for me, could I? |
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Heck, Eugene. Pour me a tall one. I'm in. |
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you got it! This could extend somewhat outside, make it a sort of SCA thing....only film noir society. But the real focus would be in the bar, I think. I love the "shady bar" setting. |
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Okay, here's how it's gonna go. I'll be wearing a red dress; you make sure Johnny Bones wears a wifebeater, and tell him if I see a copy of the Patriot Act sticking out of his jeans pocket, the deal's off. |
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A fake fight next to the broken jukebox would provide perfect cover. Can't really fake the smoke, though. |
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Speaking of smoke: I hope the Scotch, at least, is real ... |
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Of course. It's all real, to that extent. But you're not going to get beat up simply because you're a wannabe. This is the place for wannabes. Though if you get drunk and disorderly, you'll be handled. Those stage combat actors are also bouncers. |
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Breakaway chairs & bottles made of sugar? |
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Polystyrene replica of a Louisville Slugger? |
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Of course, you also want actors to come in every so often with a battered photograph of some pretty young girl on a farmstead, saying "You know this girl? Ever seen her around here." Which would also be good cue for a fight to break out. |
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Yeah, book me a booth at the back. |
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<<slaps a croissant down on the bar, picks up a bottle and a glass, and pours an overflowing shot for his elf>> |
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How would you keep the real dirtbags out? We're everywhere you know. |
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This would wind up as a place for real shady business to go down, under the guise of fake shady business. Great place to sell drugs I'd imagine. I like. |
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A good place to sell fake drugs, like cake. |
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I'd think the dress code alone would keep the "real" bad guys out. I've met some bad characters in Armani suits, but I have yet to meet a single bad guy in a studded leather jacket and tattoos. |
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Someone will have to explain this to me, one day. It's my current (uninformed) opinion that the very freedom to dress like a dirtbag helps put the wearer of said dirtbag gear in such a good frame of mind that he's actually very pleasant company. By the same token, if I had to tie a knot around my throat every morning, I think I'd be inclined to kick somebody's ass every once in a while. |
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Of course, apply my logic to Eugene's idea and the "real", Armani-wearing bad guys would be clamoring to get into the DBFW ... probably itching for the chance to deliver the ass-kicking of the day at close quarters, rather than from the relative safety of their bad-guy offices. |
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Bad-guy authenticity issues aside, I still like it. I'd love to see the business plan. Have your people call my people, Eugene ... |
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[Turns on heel, walks back into her bad-girl office] |
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