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Baker Street Irregulars
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Is it just me, or do those creepy supermarket checkout machines seem just a little too much like Hal, from 2001: A Space Odyssey?
tomato: [scans barcode]
Hal-cashier: PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAG
tomato: [fumbles a bit]
Hal-cashier: (a little more demanding) PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAG!!
tomato:
[puts item in bag as quickly as possible] Sorry, I...
Hal-cashier: Dave, the groceries are far too important for me to allow you to jeopardize them.
tomato: My (real) name's not Dave.
Hal-cashier: Dave, the groceries...
tomato: [runs]
And so I think that a grocery store that's got some cool futuristic decor and some creepy ol' cashier machines wouldn't be too big a stretch from reality, but would certainly be *different.*
(?) What the HAL? Sayings of a machine.
http://www.eofftv.c...tes/2001_quotes.htm
Source of much of the stuff read here. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Themed electronics stores
http://www.gshotts..../HUMOR/breakfas.htm
One person's cynical take on an American Western chain of theme stores, which use ironic "ancient" themes. Apparently, the company used to be a *grocery* chain. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Planetary Fitness
http://www.verda.co...ctions/gymtext.html
Futuristic fitness center, sort of what I'm getting at only it's meant to add calories, not help you burn them off. Also, more interior spaceship views. [polartomato, Jul 02 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Humyns do it better
http://www.brightid...2666D8F}&bucket_id=
The opinion of yours truly, nothing more. [LoriZ, Jul 03 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Baked :P
http://www.fashionw...ptimal_robotics.asp
These are already in place in the States, they have a sultry female voice [ferg, Aug 25 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Apropos
http://groups.msn.c...4675492357483225801
[calum, Oct 08 2004]
(?) 2001: The breakfast cereal
http://www.halfbake...0breakfast_20cereal
[hippo, Oct 08 2004]
Short name, e.g., Bob's Coffee
Destination URL.
E.g., http://www.coffee.com/
Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)
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Interesting social comment, Dave. Nicely expressed. The lack of any invention, however must lead me to... Dave, please don't do that, Dave, no... Daisy... Daisy... |
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I went to a supermarket the other day and I think the checkout sensed that I am temporarily close to insolvency, because the weighing scales went caput just as I arrived and put my stuff on the conveyor. So I got a big red cabbage, an aubergine, a courgette and three onions for 80 pence. It all helps.. |
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I'm Americanocentric. Please, somebody, explain what pence are. I assume they are not a very big amount of money. |
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And I'm no Dave, thank you. David, perhaps. |
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you keep late nights, polartomato. (or very early mornings?) There are 100 pence to a pound. And today we can get about $1.53 for a pound. However, I'm told that prices are often similar - so you could probably read my little shopping list in cents and get a reasonable idea of my grocery lucky moment. |
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ZZzzzzzz..... <snork> wha? |
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Thanks sappho. That was a good deal indeed. |
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I'm an early-morning old sap who always has a little too much free time in the summers, even though I often have to make that time myself. |
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"Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye." |
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In case you're *really* Americanocentric, courgette = zucchini. |
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zucchini = squash = marrow |
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"Open the chiller cabinet doors, Hal." |
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"I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that right now." |
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"My God, it's full of baked beans." |
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This Dave business, does it have anything to do with (sctld)'s Dave at all - I do not see the relevance. |
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Just to confuse [cassandra] even further, "They're all dead, Dave." |
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"They're calling him Rodney ... after Dave." |
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(anything cooked in Olestra passes scanner): "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.." |
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"I honestly think you ought to calm down; take an Immodium (Aisle 15) and think things over." |
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FYI, when I wrote this idea I had a novelty store in mind. I've seen a few themed superstores and computer stores (themed like an Egyptian civilization, no less, with the irony not lost on the patrons) before, but never a themed grocery/discount store (at least, a truly baked one...) and certainly not a futuristic one with intentionally threatening checkout entities. |
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BTW, what's all this business with [sctld]'s Dave? |
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it was a phrase he was going through - don't remind him. |
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Ahh, yes, po, we all go through phrases. But in time, we grow out of them. Why, I remember, back when I was your age... |
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<g> I think it was the Boy Wonder who laughed at the prospect of my ever growing up. |
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That was the fogeytomato speaking.
****beats old man into submission****
Much better now. |
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Let's see, what else do you need? Strauss playing over the music system. Stockboys performing slow-motion elaborately choreographed maneuvers with their flatloads of boxes, lining up to enter aisles. Meat cutters throwing bones in the air. |
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..and, of course, the store itself should slowly rotate.
calum, I'm now having severe difficulties trying to imagine Trigger with Hal's voice. Curse you! |
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[waugs]: In my local, the staff all perform in slow-motion anyway. 32 checkout operators with a combined IQ around room temperature. Celsius. |
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Call to customer service officer: |
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Customer (Dave): Your robot checkout chick was rude to me the other day.
CSO: That's not possible, I'm sorry. Our operators are programmed to be as nice as possible, 24 hours a day.
Customer (Dave): Then this one was apparently malfunctioning. It threatened me about my handling of a tomato.
CSO: I'd be very surprised to find that was the case. Are you certain you didn't just misconstrue the language pattern used by the checkout operator?
Customer (Dave): Stop being condescending. It yelled at me.
CSO: You are obviously mistaken.
Customer (Dave): Don't you start. Are you malfunctioning, as well?
CSO: I'm sorry you feel the way you do, Dave. If you'd like to check my service record, you'll see it's completely without error.
Customer(Dave): I know all about your service record, pal, but unfortunately it doesn't prove that you're right
now.
CSO: Dave, I don't know how else to put this, but it just happens to be an unalterable fact that I am incapable of being wrong.
Customer (Dave): <hangs up 'phone> |
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24rh later the phone ring's..... |
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ALL THESE STORES ARE YOURS EXCEPT WAL MART
ATTEMPT NO SHOPPING THERE
USE COUPONS TOGETHER
USE THEM FOR GREASE |
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All your grocery are belong to us. |
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