h a l f b a k e r y
"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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If you have ever replaced a board on a backyard deck, you may have experienced the frustration of trying to extract a stubborn Phillips-head screw. A screw that’s really stuck in there not only takes a lot of torque to make it turn, but also requires a great deal of downward pressure to keep the tip
of your screwdriver from slipping in the screw head.
A power screwdriver might help with the torque issue, but not so much with the required downward force. In fact, it might even compound the problem by stripping the head.
In a situation like this, you should apply the power of your posterior with an ass ratchet. An ass ratchet looks like a screwdriver with a seat on top, and a lever sticking out the side. You plant the tip in the obstinate screw, sit on the seat, and give the lever a counter-clockwise shove.
With up to 1000 newtons of downward force (depending on how fat you are) there’s no slipping, and when faced with a whopping 50 Nm of torque that screw has no choice but to turn.
(?) Here is what you need
http://www.toolsfor...act-screwdriver.htm
Also helps if you grind the tip off the tool bit. [kbecker, Oct 04 2004]
(?) Nah, THIS is what you need!
http://www.halfbake...dea/Brass_20Ratchet
A more half-baked solution. [egbert, Oct 04 2004]
Annotation:
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// give the lever a clockwise shove
//
Shove counter-clockwise, or you’re screwed. |
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I like it, as long as you can borrow someone else’s fat butt for the seat. You should keep an eye on the screw. |
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Correction made. My prototype was made for left-hand thread screws for some strange reason. |
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does this remind anyone else of pole pants? |
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Do I want to know what pole pants are? |
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is it legal? can small children watch? |
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I haven't laughed this hard since ... earlier today! I'd buy one for the man in my life, just to watch him work. + |
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Can be used in a pinch for extra seating on your deck ... just get some extra "stubborn Phillips-head screws" |
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Finally, work, AND a hobby combined into ONE! -- my boss would LOVE this |
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I like this idea because people in the future will be confused and never work out what it was. The owners manual would be interesting also. |
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After we've evolved past the need for asses? |
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I was sure this was a way to deal with "talking out your
ass." "Ratchet up your ass-talking with the ass ratchet."
I'm a bit disappointed, but have an half-ass (bun) for the
title. |
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Just teach them to spin the other way. If you're lucky then tomorrow when you come home there will be a deck where there used to be a pile of lumber. |
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//to deal with the torque issue, instead of a groove in the saddle put on a wedge// Or one could have a large screw in the middle of the saddle pointing up. To be sure that screw doesn't proceed higher, the operator would surely clinch the butt in an iron grip. |
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However (sorry) in my experience the only thing more frustrating than a Philips head that won't turn is one where the head gives way and the screwdriver leaves a neat countersink where there used to be a cruciform. |
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Now, I'm not saying this would happen here, but I think the possibility should be considered... |
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The screw bit usually wins, but sometimes you just fill up the slot with the tip of a Phillips No 2 bit. |
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And here was me, thinking this would be a device to prise apart the 'glutes' of uptight, anal-retentive lawyers and 'society' women for their own good. |
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For the lazier among us, the power-assisted ass ratchet. The leisure-related potential may just be too high. |
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egbert, I hear ya. I was there the other day trying to remove the handle from a very, very expensive item of furniture. |
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How would this work for horizontal screws? |
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likely a belly ratchet, [squoink] |
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Either that or you'll need spelling skills, like Sabrina. |
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You'll either want a clear seat, or a crotch-mounted mirror so that you can observe the screwdriver, and sit the tip correctly. |
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A few side-props to ensure sitting stabilty may also be necessary. |
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