h a l f b a k e r y
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//that illusive orange throated moustacheless cheekbeard.// |
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the last breeding pair died in the early
1900s but there have been sightings
on and off in isolated pockets of farmland
over the last 100 years however, and some
think it may be still out there somewhere. |
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hmm, beard watching not popular at the
half bakery? |
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No negative votes so far. Sometimes it's better to leave an idea with no negative votes than to risk a mediocre idea garnering fishbones in a quest for fresh buns. |
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I wont loose any sleep over it |
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Funny, and could easily be made into one of those comedy mini-books that sit on the checkout counter in bookshops. |
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Hey look if your sporting a bit of facial
growth and you think a book like this
dehumanizes you don't get all bitter
about it, make your own "coldchin-
watchers guide" or something. I did
realise at the time of posting that the
proportion of halfbakers with beards is
probably higher than that of the general
public but hey easy come easy go,
beard watching is a serious passtime to
so no novelty checkout positions for the
beard-watchers handbook. |
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It could be a companion volume to the various Mullet-spotting guides. Essential would be a description of sideburn taxonomy. |
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This may be hard to believe, but it's baked. I'll try to find it on amazon.
(Later) I think it's "The Compleat [sic] Beard Book" by William Titus, published 1971, but it's out of print. Whatever it is, i've seen it and it's basically a spotter's guide to beards with various example pictures and descriptions of the social history of the different styles, very close to what you describe. |
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Doesn't surprise me in the least. Someone had to do it. |
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Wow 1971 was a great year for beards, I
guess this would be a sort of revised
eddition then, many things have changed
in the world of beards since 1971, many of
the species that were seen in great
numbers back then have gone into decline
and a few are now thought to be extinct. |
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Don't forget: The host population for most of the truly magnificent and rare specimens is in rural Germany. |
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Rural Germany is a beard-watchers
paradise, many species have been left in
isolated pockets for hundreds of years and
evolved into many bizzare and interesting
shapes. |
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<flashback to 1975 - a small town in the tropical north of Australia> |
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Headmaster, very animated: "Flaminicus! (although that was not then my name) I *distinctly* remember telling you to shave off that beard." |
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A young [CF]: "What beard.. (insolent pause).. ,Sir?" |
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H, v v v animated: "That fur on your cheeks and chin, boy." |
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[CF]: "No, no. You said sideburns were OK, Sir. Notice that I have shaved a one eighth inch strip from the middle of my bottom lip, down my chin and down the neck. It's just two big sideburns now Sir, not a beard." |
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You can guess the rest - those were the days of bamboo canes and big headmasters who were not averse to using them with great vigour..... |
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Presumably then, that style of facial hair could be named a Flaminicus. |
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A more descriptive name might be "Flemish Chops" or simply "The Belgian" - Belgians having a very intense love affair with the fluffy sideburns/chops. |
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