Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bed Bugs Mattress Set

Clear plastic mattress stuffed with worms of every description.
  (+1, -6)(+1, -6)
(+1, -6)
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Since there's microscopic bugs in your mattress anyway, why not just have a plastic mattress filled with larger ones, with maybe some soft dirt, leaves, whatever, for them to munch on? You'd have to use soft bugs, like worms, otherwise the crunch would keep you awake.

I imagine the feeling might be something like sleeping on a waterbed, only a bit nastier. Just think of how quick you'd get up in the morning. Think of the dreams...

Still working on the glitches of how to keep them alive without opening the thing up and getting a huge case of the willies.

Alternatively, simply have a clear plastic pillow filled with creepy-crawlies. You can tell it's nearly 1 in the morning here. I'm sinking fast. Now if I could only stop thinking about what's living in my mattress...

RayfordSteele, May 03 2002

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       massaging mattress?
po, May 03 2002
  

       I didn't want to have to pan this idea [RayfordSteele], but I just can't get past the yuck factor.
phoenix, May 03 2002
  

       the mattress has just left by the backdoor.
po, May 03 2002
  

       I could go for an insect-motif linen print pattern. Well, I couldn't, but I betcha' my son would.
bristolz, May 03 2002
  

       I was rather hoping for the 'yuck factor' to kick in...
RayfordSteele, May 03 2002
  
      
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