Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bread and Cheese* Perfect** Riffle Shuffle Machine

You've got the ingredients prepared - now watch them be sandwich-ified!
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Ideal for picnicking families or scout groups.

This sparkling chrome appliance has two adjacent hoppers: Place a loaf of sliced bread in one and a packet of peeled cheese slices in the other. A dial on each hopper is used to describe the thickness of bread and cheese to the machine. A large knob of butter must also be fed into a small tray near the bread hopper.

Upon starting, a mechanical blade-like bar zig-zags between the bread slices. This butters the bread by pumping the butter along a ridge on the blade. The blade follows a path calculated from the inputted size thickness of the bread.

Next, very thin, 1 inch long shelves jutt out of the inside of the hoppers at intervals defined by the dial to seperate the different slices. The facing sides of each hopper slide open and the two piles of ingredients are brought within a whisker of each other.

In a stunning maneouvre of dexterity the machine then flicks the shelves with a piston that travels up between the piles. All but the last shelf are retracted in an instant. A veritable wave is created and the two food piles are reconciled together in a split second. All that remains is for the user to remove the top (spare) slice of bread and place it on the bottom.

A whole loaf's worth of sandwiches in an instant.

*Doesn't have to be cheese - but I imagine this working with 'single' [see linky] slices of cheese and bread.

** Its almost a perfect shuffle if you consider 2 slices of bread at a time:
b¦b¦c¦b¦b¦c¦b¦b¦c¦
Now, remove the first piece of bread and place it at the end. Why have I done this convoluted way? A. Because a riffle shuffle is a cool thing to see and B. because this is the H'B and I deliberately haven't thought of a better way.

Jinbish, Feb 02 2005

Cheese http://www.linfordo...ges/4017-DOT324.jpg
This is what I imagine being used. [Jinbish, Feb 02 2005, last modified Aug 28 2006]

Bread http://www.ciadvert...-sliced%20bread.jpg
Its reigning holder of the title "The best thing"! [Jinbish, Feb 02 2005]

Riffle Shuffle http://web.superb.n...sleights/riffle.htm
You know you do it right when you here a satisfying "Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-." [Jinbish, Feb 02 2005]

(?) Best thing since sliced cheese... The_20greatest_20th...d_20cheese_2e_2e_2e
I have to admit I was inspired by this: What if it were the best thing since sliced bread AND cheese?! [Jinbish, Feb 02 2005]


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Annotation:







       Can I have an entire loaf filled with swiss cheese and mayo please.(what about French stick bread?)   

       Have a portion of my croissant [+]
skinflaps, Feb 02 2005
  

       Bread and cheese [+]. Sliced loaf and Kraft singles [-]. Sandwich riffling machine [+++].
wagster, Feb 02 2005
  

       What wagster said.
calum, Feb 02 2005
  

       calories -
diet -
wish I'd thought of it +
po, Feb 02 2005
  

       Since this is the HB, you could certainly add a feature to allow loading uncut bread, uncut cheese, other ingredients, condiments, and have the machine do the slicing for you.   

       The machine would need to have some preset alarms like "Low Cheese","Bread Jam", etc....
sophocles, Feb 03 2005
  

       I reckon our photocopier could do this... I've often mused as to why it has so many trays, and why you can adjust the paper thickness, it seems obvious now. One for A5 multigrain, one for A5 cheese slices. Hell it even warms them for you.
neilp, Feb 03 2005
  

       I'd buy this with the secret hope that something would go horribly, horribly wrong.
5th Earth, Feb 03 2005
  

       "I dunno! It just says: Cheese jammed in tray 4. I keep checking tray 4, but I can't seem to clear it! Oh, wait, what's this mustard... Nooooooo!!!!"   

       I like!
not_only_but_also, Feb 03 2005
  

       I absolutely *love* this idea - even more so, I love the fact that everyone's completely (very likely on purpose) overlooked the fact that for every complete sandwhich in the
b|b|b|b|b|...b|b|
sequence, there's a spare bit of cheese! (discounting Wagstarian sandwich-sandwiches and other exotic sandwiches described elsewhere within these pages)
  

       e.g. Say may scout-group consists of 10 boys + 1 Arkhala and a loaf of 30 slices and 30 pieces of cheese are so enruffled, if boy 1 takes a sandwhich off the top of the pile (i.e. bread, cheese, bread) then the item facing up is a slice of cheese. He needs to either fling the toppermost cheese, or to procure an additional slice of bread from a "discard pile" so placed for this very purpose.   

       You need either a second shuffling pass, or a particular load-out in order to get a configuration that goes:
b|bb|bb|bb|bb|bb|bb|bb|bb
  

       [edit] ahh, hold on a minute, I was mistaking the | character for a piece of cheese, rather than a generic separator - my mistake, carry on!
zen_tom, Jan 19 2011
  

       // I deliberately haven't thought of a better way.//   

       Marked for tagline.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2011
  

       //[edit]//
Yep. c = cheese. b = bread. | = imaginary boundary.
  

       And cheese sandwich equation is: S = b+c+b
Or - taking only magnitudes into account S = 2b+c.
Jinbish, Jan 19 2011
  

       //| = imaginary boundary// - only if your sandwiches are in the complex plane
hippo, Jan 20 2011
  

       Now I want cheese!
saedi, Jan 21 2011
  


 

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