h a l f b a k e r y
A dish best served not.
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After months of planning and hinting, you've finally gotten that special someone over to watch a movie at your place. That's great progress. Unfortunately, you and your special someone are both feeling a bit shy, so what could have been a good hour or two of cuddle-time slowly spirals downward to a
stalemate as you eye each other from the two opposite armrests, praying that the after-movie discussion is stimulating enough to warrant a second attempt later on.
A sad situation, isn't it. You'll likely talk it over with your friends, wondering how you get person A to point B, and whether moving to the other side of the couch yourself might hinder or help your desires to see that rare bird alight on your arm.
Don't you wish there was some way to get things moving along a little faster? Shouldn't it be easier for you to close the gap of those last few feet? Thanks to the new virtucom conveyor belt couch, you can!
Each of the cushions on this couch are designed in the shape of padded belts, with internal rollers set into the seat of the couch. When your intended takes to the other armrest, thus separating herself from you by those three tragic feet, there's no need to wonder about scooting, shifting, "Small talk," or making "Eye contact" to bring the two of you closer.
A special included universal remote control features a few extra setting buttons to control the couch, as well as the TV. Each of the three cushions are independantly controlled, and ther is a dial, allowing you to control the speed, from "one night stand fast" to "Victorian era slow." Just dial it in your orders, and your girlfriend is on track to be inexhorably scooted over to your cushion in a matter of seconds or hours.
*Virtucom is not responsible for loss, damage, or injuries resulting from skirts or other objects getting caught between cushions. Use conveyor belt couches responsibly.
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||There would have to be some sort of subduction system for
the cushions, but +
||Subduction, yes. hence the tubular shape of the cushions, allowing each one to function as a belt. Ah, belt shaped... I'll edit the idea for clarity.
||it might be more creepy being a mad scientist that, on the
push of a button, can rope in a lady friend.
||what about a slowly condensing couch that turns into a
loveseat ever so slowly through the movie. she'd never know
if she's watching the tv.
||The think tank agrees the condensing couch is a better idea, but I don't know how to work out the mechanics for that.
||//the tubular shape of the cushions//