h a l f b a k e r yYou think: Aha! We go: ha, ha.
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Food courts at shopping malls are boring places. You get a plate of nondescript food and a can of drink and cruise until you find a table at which to sit and eat, whilst steadfastly ignoring everyone around you. This may be because everyone is afraid someone will steal their lunch while they're not
looking.
They could be far less boring if the aisles were roamed by Giant Robot Chicken Soda Machines (basically a Coke machine in a chicken suit, on wheels, with a coin slot and a dozen or so catchy ditties, sung by a chorus of chickens). They need some remote sensing technology, so they don't run over old ladies and children.
You give it the signal* and it trundles over to your table and waits for you to feed it a handful of coin. AI and VR technology ensures you get the drink you ordered. All you have to do is reach under the giant chook and it drops a bitingly chilled can of drink into your hand. It then trundles off to its next customer, chortling a little song about the drink it has just "laid".
Change is not given. It's donated to your "favourite charity", whether you tell the chicken which charity it is, or not. Just think of all of those starving kids in Africa.
Eventually, these machines will escape their unnatural environments, roaming the plains and deserts of the world, searching for thirsty travellers to serve. Only the strongest will survive, developing the power of collective reasoning (remember their AI capabilities?) in a world where the ability to develop your own power, develop all-terrain capabilities and defend yourself against the depradations of would-be thieves will see a race of Super Giant Robot Chicken Soda Machines, diversifying into the provision of other comestibles and services. Inevitably, some will eventually achieve flight capabilities.
* (signal) = Calling, in a very loud voice, "Cock-a-doodle-doo !"
The Big Chicken
http://roadsidegeor...ite/bigchicken.html
Sadly, this one isn't a robot. [Amos Kito, Sep 15 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Prototype (minus chicken suit)
http://www.m5indust...l/portfolio/7up.htm
Built by one of the Mythbusters guys. [krelnik, Dec 20 2007]
[link]
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Could they serve omelettes as well, or would that be too weird? |
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Restrain yourself, UB. Your big feathered cockadoodling Coke machines that refuse to give change are freaking out the children and playing havoc with mall revenues. Hans Christian Andersen and Danny Kaye used to define these creatures as "Ogres"( Which, in storydom, is only a small step above "troll". In fact, for the most part, it only differentiates whether one lives above the bridge, or below. Parallels have been made to living above or below Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills.) |
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So you intend to combat the surreal idea of the food court, with the surreal idea of a robotic coke machine? |
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I recognize the Santa Monica Blvd. equation. Some years ago when I lived in Beverly Hills, typical conversations continued by another local humanoid (We'll call the other party "Lockjaw") finding that little factoid out were extended when I was asked -
L "So, do you live above or below Olympic?"
tw Above, where the birds sing all day long (my tone would have been warm and dry)
L "Oh, OK - you're not BHA, then"
tw Right, not Adjacent - I guess that makes me 'In' (make air "")
L "Ha - So what do you do?"
tw As little as possible
L "Ha-ha, that's cute - can I use that line?"
tw I don't see why not - I'm sure it's in the Public Domain
L - (that 'Mr. Howell' laugh getting a bit gritty) "Ha - now what do you do - really?"
tw - As much as I can get away with... |
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I feel like such a castaway when you use that "Mr. Howell " laugh , TW |
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There should be more of a challenge here. The chicken should be hard to catch, and should maneuver in such a manner as to 'protect' its coin slot (but not overly so, it should still be possible). Perhaps it could even peck at your hand. or swat at you with a wing. Upon successfully inserting the proper amount, then the chicken would 'reward' you with a freshly laid soda. |
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That should be "Coke-A-Do-The-Dew". |
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Is it bad form to say "Restrain yourself" twice in the same posting? Once upon a very long time ago I was very sincerely married to a "Trundle ( nee Thomas)", and still regret the parting. |
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You know we're having a dull run at the bakery when the best idea all week is a giant robot chicken soda machine. |
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Wild. To the average viewer from the outside world, this has that 'I picked 5 random words from a hat / 10,000 monkeys first few tries' look. But to us halfbakers, it's your daily dose of common surreal sense. |
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I'm a little diappointed it isn't a giant robot dispensing chicken-flavoured soda, but I think this would work better. |
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Believe me, it's better than the Giant Robot Seagull Food Dispenser that was the original concept for this idea. |
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On that one you had to hold out your plate and headbutt a red spot on the seagull's bill. It would then regurgitate Seafood Marinara with Capellini Pasta and Creamy Sundried Tomato Sauce onto your outstretched plate/mouth/hat. |
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Do not limit the giant robot chicken soda machine to a mall. Let them roam the cities and the countryside. Armor them and give tham a means of self protection. |
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Chicken-hearted, runs away and you have to catch it. Its response to the signal* is territorial defence. |
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By simply having the word "giant," you almost had my croissant. The "Robot Chicken" part sealed the deal, no matter the rest of the idea. |
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Thank you sir. I take it you don't have these in your county, yet? |
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Thanks for the visuals. I'll leave your imagination to built this to spec with the Israeli featherless chicken as a model.
¯UnaBubba: re: the ‘original idea’ you had was too epicurian and the food dispensed too hard to pronounce. Stick with giant chicken and let her dispense chicken salad. |
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Perhaps the US military would be interested in a few thousand of these? |
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What with the legendary popularity of Coke amongst young men, these could go into battle with them when the US finally decides to strike against Iraq. |
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The effect of these things, heavily armoured of course, whirring and clanking from foxhole to foxhole and dispensing drinks would surely have a surreal effect on the defending Iraqi troops? |
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*(signal) Calling, in a very loud voice, "Cock-a-doodle-doo !" or "Choice!" or "Ace!" or "Teagal Slave!" |
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I'm a little diappointed it isn't a giant robot dispensing soda flavoured-chicken, but I think this would work better. |
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They should be intergalactic. |
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Bugger.. I thought the Gigantic Chicken thing came crashing through the eating crowd in some sort of Jackass manor, causing complete chaos, and blaming it entirely on the Taste of a New Generation... |
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Presumably in order to escape and evolve on their own, the GRCSMs are going to need to reproduce. The most likely way they'd do this would be to generate and lay 'special sodas' that the partner robot chicken would then drink. |
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As a human, when purchasing your drink, you'd better hope their AI is functioning correctly and/or the GRCSM in question doesn't fancy you, otherwise you might end up with something that tastes a little bit.. different. |
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Of all that I ever posted, this one is my favourite. It's the one I often try to use to explain the HB.
I have to admit, I get some pret-ty bloody strange looks from people when I do that. |
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